"I don't understand, Jessa."

Cam was crying into his hands while he sat on the bed in my bedroom. We had been having this same argument since the day I was finally able to use my voice again.

I told him about my plans to leave as soon as the doctor cleared me. I didn't feel like it was right if I kept my decision from him any longer. I was hoping with time, the news would get easier, but it worked the opposite way. The shorter our time together grew, the angrier Cameron was.

I was released from the hospital five weeks ago and was finally starting to feel a little bit more like myself. The good self, not the crazy, throw myself off a bridge into arctic water self. The drugs Jenna had secretly fed me had left my system and my body was starting to regulate again back on the medication program Dr. Schroeder set for me. The morphine she injected into me had extended my mood swings a little longer than I would have liked, but I was feeling much stronger now that I was leveled out.

I was busy packing my things into the new purple suitcase I just bought with my first check that came in from the song Stells and I made together. It was the first real paycheck I had ever received. It made me feel proud, like I was finally becoming an independent, self-sufficient woman.

Unfortunately, Cam had chosen to walk into my room as I was finishing packing, which turned into another battle between us. We had been fighting over my decision constantly over the last week. It got so bad at some points that I would just turn around and walk out of the room every time he started in on me. He still refused to accept that I was leaving today.

"Stells asked me to fly out today to meet her on tour. She wants me to get acclimated and working with my band ahead of the next leg. The label is wanting me to dive into some writing sessions while I am still recovering too. We already talked about this. I don't understand why I have to keep explaining this to you." I said softly, trying to keep my vocal cords from straining.

My voice had started coming back and it had a little bit of a raspy tone in it now. I couldn't belt anything out yet, but the little bit of rasp was excellent for my sound. I wasn't sure if it was going to go away or if it was just the one good thing to come out of the day of terrors for me.

"You're not ready. You just started healing. You are barely able to talk." Cameron was fighting to hold on with any excuse he could find to keep me in Ohio.

"The doctor said I could start slow as long as I didn't push it. He said lower scales would be good for helping me strengthen the muscles again. He even gave me the number of one of the top specialists in LA, so I can go to vocal therapy."

I grabbed my new favorite sweatshirt out of my drawer. It was one I had stolen from Cam; he probably didn't even realize I had it. I placed it in the bottom of the suitcase and buried it before he could stop me. It still smelled exactly like him and I would need it to survive while I was gone.

"Your doctor is an idiot. I'm taking you for another opinion." He stood up and grabbed my hand and began to drag me towards the door.

"Cameron." I protested. "Stop. Please just stop."

I pulled his body into mine. I wrapped my arms around his waist and his hung limp at his sides. Cameron was a wreck right now. I was too. Even though I knew that this was the right decision, leaving him behind was not something I was prepared to do. The voices in my head tried to reassure me that he would eventually give in and follow me.

The voices were wrong. I had asked Cameron no less than one hundred and seventy-six times to go on tour with me. He has told me no every single time.

"Why am I always having to say goodbye to you, Jess? It's not fair." He wouldn't even look down at me.

"Cam, it doesn't have to be goodbye. I want you to come with me. I want us to be together. This is not me running this time. This is me doing what I have always dreamed about doing since I was a little girl. This is my chance. I won't get a second one."

"You know I can't. I can't just pick up and go. I'm not cut out for that kind of life. I have never wanted that." He wasn't going to give in and I knew he never would.

I stepped away from him and gave up on him holding me. This was the last day I was going to see him for a long time and we had spent all day arguing back and forth.

"I'm never going to convince you to stay with me, am I? This is just another example of Jessa Miller only thinking about herself." He said angrily. He had now moved onto the bullying stage of his attempt to get me to stay.

I placed my hand on his cheek and he turned his face to kiss it. I pulled his head down to my lips and he pulled back from me before I could make contact.

That hurt, but I understood why he did it.

"No, I'm sorry. I have made up my mind. I need to do this for me." I pressed my head against his chest.

"Am I just supposed to sit here and wait for you forever?" He asked.

My body began trembling; I knew it was only a matter of time before this part of the conversation was going to come up. When I leave, where would that leave our relationship? Long-distance relationships were a dream. We would both get busy with our lives and drift apart over time. I had to set him free even though it was going to fucking kill me to do it.

"I really hope you don't wait for me." I swallowed my sadness down.

"So, this is it. You are breaking up with me and leaving even after everything we have been through." Cameron looked like he was about to punch something.

"Cami, I want you to be happy. One day you will find the person who can give that to you. She will be a wonderful woman who can give you everything you deserve. You'll look back and realize how lucky you are to have her. She'll be able to give you everything I never could."

"I will never want anyone else. There is no one else who could ever replace you. You are it for me. It has always been you, Jessa. I knew I loved you the first time I saw you and I will love you every day for the rest of my life. I can't move on. I can't let you leave." My poor boy was still fighting.

"Please try, Cami. If you love me, then you will find a way to be happy. Even if it is not with me." A tear fell down my cheek.

"If you really loved me, then you would stay." He pushed my arms away from him.

Cameron turned around and left the room. He stomped through the hall, down the steps, and slammed the front door to my parent's house.

I will always be in love with you, Cameron Nash. That will never change.

I sighed and went back to the daunting task of deciding what items were important enough to take with me. I wasn't sure when I would see this place again. Leaving Cameron behind already made me feel like I was missing something important and I wasn't sure I could handle losing anything else.

"I take it that it didn't go well?" My mom asked, peeking around the corner.

"Nope, he thinks I'm selfish. He's not wrong about that. I am selfish. I always have been." I sighed, sticking the last piece of clothing in the suitcase. She held the sides down for me as I tried to zip it shut. It took four attempts to get it closed.

"He's just scared, Jessa. He knows you are strong. He's afraid you won't come back this time. He's afraid to lose you again." She said, trying to comfort me.

"Mom, I told him to move on," I confessed.

"He won't. You're fighting a losing battle, but that shouldn't stop you from living your dream. It will take him some time, but he will come around eventually. It's time for you to go do what you're meant to. I'm proud of you, baby girl. You are doing the right thing."

"I'm going to miss you, Mom." I hugged her as tightly as I could.

"I'm going to miss you too, sweet pea." She cried as she squeezed me back.

She kissed my cheek and then ran out of the room crying.

I grabbed the suitcase off my bed and shut off my light. I looked around the room one last time and sighed. It was going to be a long time before I would see this place again. I would be lying if I said I wasn't going to miss it.

It was time to for me to finally start my life.

I smiled as I realized it was my time to shine.