"I think he looks like you with those big bright eyes."

Cameron laughed into my ear as he stood behind me with his hands resting softly on my shoulders.

"He does not." I argued back.

"Does too, his eyes aren't blue but you two could be twins. Look at that grumpy face. You made the same face when I ate all your french fries at lunch."

I couldn't see Cameron's smiling face in the dark, but I didn't need to. I could practically hear that little dimple appear as his lips pulled back into a grin. He was always so amused with himself.

"I did not." I whined like a baby as I walked away from the glass pouting.

"I'm not sure what a potto is, but it is now my new favorite animal. I think I am going to ask for one for my birthday and name it Jessa." Cameron followed behind me excitedly.

Our class had taken the end of year trip to the zoo today and Cameron and I magically ended up in the same group. It wasn't technically magic, Cameron stole the list off the teacher's desk and switched his name with one of the mean girl's who bullied me constantly. I recently had started wearing a bra and was embarrassed because my girl parts started growing a lot faster than every other girl I went to school with. The girl took it upon herself to announce to the whole class that I wore one just so I could stuff it to make them look bigger. She even wrote a story about how I liked to do stuff with boys and read it in front of them when the teacher left the room.

Cameron and I liked to play soccer together during gym class. Why was that bad? Cameron was the only person I ever played with because no one else would talk to me. I didn't understand why everyone was laughing at me when I told them they could play with us too.

I hated school.

I walked up to another exhibit and looked in. I could barely see what was behind the glass. The nocturnal house was always so dark, it creeped me out. It was my least favorite place in the whole zoo. Cameron wanted to watch the giant bats hanging upside down, so I reluctantly agreed to go in with him so he didn't have to go alone. Our chaperone was too busy on her phone to watch us and we had snuck off from the rest of the group over an hour ago. She probably didn't even realize we were missing yet.

When I stuck my head closer to the glass, the head of a huge snake popped out of a log-shaped area and it started slithering out. I shivered as I watched its legless body glide over the enclosure closer to me.

"Sssss..." Cameron hissed sliding his hand up and down my back as he blew on my neck. I jumped in the air and shrieked as goosebumps spread over my skin.

"Cameron, stop. You know I don't like snakes." I yelled at him and stuck my lip out. I hit him a couple times and he grabbed my hand to stop me.  He held it in place as he laced his fingers through mine.

"I'm sorry Jess.. Don't' worry. If it breaks out, I'll fight it so it won't bite you."

"Do you promise?" I asked squeezing his hand tighter as we continued to explore the other dark exhibits slowly.

"Yeah, I would never let anything hurt you."

We walked further into the dark and it began to grow colder. My body felt like it was submerged in a tub of ice water. The only warmth in the room was where Cameron was holding my hand. The darkness was swallowing me until there was nothing else in the room other than the boy clutching to me harder and harder as he fought to hold on. With every step, his hand would pull further and further away from mine, until only the tips of our fingers were touching.

Before I knew it, my hand had become too cold and I had nothing left.

I was lost.

"Jessa!" He screamed somewhere in the darkness behind me.

"Cami, I'm here." I screamed but no sound would come out. My hand went to my throat to try to find my voice and when I pulled it away, it felt damp. The air smelled like burning metal and tasted like copper. Shrill screams filled my ears until a loud roar silenced them.

I closed eyes to hide and felt warmth surround me again. I kept them closed as Cameron grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the bright sunlight.

I opened my eyes slowly. I blinked. I blinked again but the world was still too dim. The colors were muted and hazy. The air around me was moving so slowly that I could see every speck of dust floating like tiny snowflakes in the cool breeze.

Then everything was gray. All I could see was gray. Gorgeous gray eyes blinded by tears, filled with terror were staring down at me.

"Stay with me, Jess."  Cam was shouting at me.  He had his hand pressed firmly against my neck when I came to.  I was dizzy and I couldn't feel my body any longer. Blood was pooling on the floor around me.  There was so much. How could there be any left in me?

I laid there on the cold ground, unable to move or say anything back to him.  I couldn't tell him I loved him.  I couldn't tell him I knew he would come find me.  I couldn't ask him to hold me because I was scared. 

My eyes searched the room and locked on Jenna's cold, blank stare.  Her dark eyes were clouded over, seeing nothing, but still tormenting me, nonetheless. Her body was lying in front of me, lifeless with her mouth twisted open in a ghastly scream.  Thick dark red blood was leaking from the blackened edges of the gunshot wound in her temple. 

One tiny shot to her head and her life was gone. It seemed so small and simple.  One tiny little thing could end everything just like that in one instant. 

I hoped she was enjoying the long ride to hell right now. I was going to be right there with her shortly. I was going to poke her ass with a pitchfork for all eternity for tormenting my family.

I noticed Cameron's gun was lying next to her body like it was thrown to the floor as soon as it went off.  My baby did it; he got here in time to save my brother. I knew he would.  Cameron Nash was strong, he would always be my hero.

"Where's the fucking ambulance?" Cam screamed into the radio on his shoulder. 

"ETA, three minutes out." A distorted voice called back to him.

"She doesn't fucking have three minutes."  He was shaking and crying.  His tears were mixing with my blood on his uniform.

"Do something. Help her. Don't let her die." Jax was screaming. He was thrashing against the metal frame, trying to get to me.

I took my hand and nudged Cam's knee with what little strength I had left. It was just enough pressure to get his attention. His sorrow-filled eyes told me everything I already knew as he stared down at me like he was trying to memorize my face.

I wasn't going to survive this. 

It was going to be ok.  I was afraid, but I was ready for the next chapter of my story to begin. I had always been living on borrowed time my whole life and knew something, someday would catch up to me. 

I just never expected my undoing would be over something I didn't even know I did.

I tried to open my mouth and let out a sound, but nothing came out.  I wanted to ask Cameron to take care of my family.  I wanted to thank him for showing me how to be a better person and that I could be someone worth loving.  I wanted to tell him not to spend his life regretting what happened. Cameron's happiness meant everything to me, even if I was never meant to be the girl who could give it to him. 

Most importantly, I never wanted him to blame himself for any of this. 

"Don't talk, darling. The paramedics will be here soon." He cried and leaned his forehead down to mine. He kissed my cheek as he cried into me.

Cameron regripped to apply more pressure to my neck and I felt nothing. There was no more pain.  My body didn't hurt anymore.

My eyes began to roll back into my head. I couldn't see him or Jax anymore no matter how hard I tried to fight to hold on just a little bit longer.

"Hey, no, none of that. Do you hear me? You will keep those pretty big blue eyes open and stay right here with me, Jessa Miller." Cameron commanded in his authoritative cop voice.

I felt a small smile form on my lips. I really loved this man.

The voices in my head were quieting down; I could barely even hear them any longer. The silence felt strange.  My head had never been this quiet.  This must be what it feels like to be normal. No voices, a soft peaceful stillness, an internal euphoric utopia filled with harmony and love.

Fuck this. I didn't like it one single bit. I needed the noise back. I wanted my chaos again.

"You did well." Good Jessa interrupted just loud enough to let me know she was still there. She was lying over top of Bad Jessa, holding her hand tightly. Bad Jessa was coughing and clutching at her.  She still had a little life left in her.  Bad Jessa wasn't going down without fighting.  I had always admired her determination.  She always fought for what she wanted.  Right now, Bad Jessa was still fighting to keep us alive even though it was hopeless.

She was a stubborn girl.

I smiled at her as I closed my eyes.