Cameron pushed the door to his bedroom open and held it for me. I walked in and the sadness hit me like a tidal wave. The last time I was in this room, I was telling him I loved him. This was also the same place where he lied to me. I would be fooling myself if I didn't say it bothered me just as much now as it did when I first found out what happened.

I wasn't prepared for the flood of emotions that invaded every cell in my body. Why did it still feel so fresh? How could the person I trusted most in this world stare into my eyes and lie to me like that?

How could he lie to me?

My stomach was in a tangled knot when he watched me glance around the room, reliving the memories. His inability to take his eyes off me confused the situation even more. I told him I hated him because he hurt me so badly. I didn't understand why he betrayed me that day. Even though I knew his reasoning, I still didn't feel like he went about it the right way. The only thing I was sure about was that I had deep-seated trust issues with him because of it. There was almost no way I thought that I could ever move past it. Things between us could never be the same.

I sat back on his bed while he emptied his pockets, placing the contents on his dresser. He unbuttoned his shirt and removed it, leaving just a tight white tank top underneath. My mouth dropped open in surprise.

"When did you get a fucking tattoo?" I blurted out before my brain could catch up.

"Ron got me drunk a few months ago and I woke up with one." He gave me a cheesy grin back.

He spun around to go hang his shirt up in his closet and there was another one on his back. I could see the dark outline peeking out under the tank top.

"Two?" I shrieked.

"Three, darling. You will have to get me naked to see the last one." He winked.

He walked over and fell back on the bed next to me. I sat there staring down at the ink on his arm, trying to memorize it. It was a beautifully delicate yet very masculine pattern that wrapped around his arm like a band. It looked amazing on his tanned skin. I almost reached out to touch it before I stopped myself. Sober, healthy Jessa had been practicing controlling herself and it was starting to pay off.

My mind started casually wandering, trying to figure out where the third tattoo was.

Well, I wasn't perfect.

"Do you want to talk?" He asked, placing his arm back behind his head while he stared at the ceiling.

"I don't know what to say." I pulled my legs up and began removing my boots. My tired feet were aching from the heel. I groaned as I rubbed them. I hadn't worn anything other than house slippers in ages and my feet were throbbing.

Cameron reached out and grabbed the foot I was rubbing without even bothering to ask. He applied the perfect amount of pressure to the ball of my foot. The muscles relaxed the moment his hands were on me. I watched him apply pressure and then release it as the tattoo on his arm moved over top of his muscles.

Fuck, I didn't need to find another reason to stare at him.

"Mmmm, that feels amazing, Cami," I said, rolling my head back, surrendering to him.

"I like making you feel good, Jessa." He cooed.

My deep tissue foot massage was rudely interrupted when my phone alarm went off next to me on the bed. I looked over at the annoying little sound and grumbled under my breath.

I silenced the reminder that I set for myself and pulled my foot away from him to go grab my purse. It was probably better if I didn't have him touching me anyway. I wasn't ready for anyone to be this close to me, especially the person I still felt weirdly betrayed by. We had done enough touching tonight already.

I opened my purse and pulled out the little pillbox I had started carrying around with me. I flipped open the compartment and looked down at the little white pills to count them before I shook them out into my hand.

"Jess, what are you doing?" Cam looked at me with suspicious eyes.

"2 for the ups, 1 for the downs, and another one that keeps me from turning into a penguin," I said before opening my mouth to swallow them.

"Jessa, you can't take those. You just got out. You know you can't take that stuff with your meds." He started to get up like he was going to come rip them out of my hands.

"These are my meds, jerk face. The alarm on my phone reminds me to take them." I rolled my eyes. I stuck the pillbox back in my bag and placed it back on his dresser.

"Oh, I feel like an ass." He blushed. He waited for me to say something back. He was sending me a telepathic signal hoping that I would tell him that thinking the worst about me was alright.

"Do you really think I'm going to disagree?"

"You're doing really well this time, Jess." He whispered low, drawing out my name, leaving it just on the tip of his tongue. He was trying to distract me from my irritation with him.

"I'm really trying." I sighed as I gave him what he wanted.

I had failed at this so many times before. Something had to work at some point. I was hoping this was finally the one that stuck.

"Come over here." He said, beckoning me to him.

He sat up and moved to the edge of the bed so his feet were back on the floor. I bit my lip and fought with my brain over staying firmly planted in my spot across the room. In the middle of my internal battle, I realized I was already walking over to stand in front of him.

Stupid legs.

"Your hair looks really pretty like that. The way it moves on your shoulders is so sexy." He purred, looking up at me. He wrapped his hands over my hips and slid them around my backside to play with my pockets.

"I'm not going to sleep with you." I raised my eyebrow.

"Why not? I know you want to." He challenged me back.

"No, I don't," I said on the defense.

"Yes, you do. I know you, darling. I can see you squirming for me." He gave me a wicked grin.

"I am not squirming," I said as I shifted from side to side, trying to ignore the flush creeping over my skin.

"Why are you fighting me?" He licked his lips and looked down at my jeans. His eyes traveled back up the length of my body to my face as he impatiently waited for my response.

"Because I'm still really angry with you."

I had to put it out there. He had to know. If my therapy taught me anything, it was that it wasn't good to keep things in. Holding things in would only lead to me self-medicating, which would then lead to my condition getting out of control again. It was all cyclical for me; one thing always led me to the other.

"Yeah, so? I'm still mad at you too, but it doesn't mean I don't want to be inside you." He said as he slowly unbuttoned my jeans and began lowering the zipper.

"That's really twisted, Cami." I pulled his hair to make him look up at me.

"Yeah, it is, but I don't care. Take off those little wet panties so I can taste you again. You taste like a little buttercream cupcake and I want my dessert."

"You are all kinds of wrong." I pushed his head back when he went to bring his mouth to my stomach.

"That's why you love me, darling." He leaned back in and lightly brushed his lips over the skin just below my belly button. His warm, soft lips brought out a low moan from deep inside my body as I shuddered from his touch.

Why the fuck was I letting him do this to me again?