(song: "Things We Lost in the Fire" - Bastille )

"That's it, we just wait now. . ."

     I was sitting in Selena's room just outside her personal bathroom. She had done exactly like she promised and taken me to the pharmacy. She did her research to try and figure out which pregnancy tests would be the best and we bought four different ones in-case of false positives.

     "What am I going to do if I'm pregnant?" I ran my fingers through my hair and gripped at it. "I'm a waitress. I will just be a high-school graduate when the baby would be born. There's no way I can afford it. I can't have one, do you get what I mean? I can't."

     Selena knelt down beside me and reached out her arms to hug me into silence. "If you are pregnant then you will have a choice. And whatever choice you make, I will support you. If you choose to keep, give up for adoption or the other choice. It's your body and your life."

     I couldn't even imagine being a mother, I didn't want to imagine it either.

     "And if you are pregnant, you need to talk with Patrick about the decision you make. He's part of this too," Selena reminded me.

     I reflected on the conversation I'd had with Patrick's mother.

     "Patrick's mother told me that she thinks he is going to get into Stanford. He is giving up the chance of a lifetime in order to be with me. He gave up his future. If I keep this baby, his life is going to be decided and tied to me. I don't want that for him."

     Selena delivered a small smile. "Like I said, it's your choice."

     I squeezed her arms. I knew I was about to ask something big of her. "Can you do me a favor, Selena? No matter what it says, positive or negative and no matter what I decide to do, please don't tell Easton or Patrick."

     "You can't keep this a secret, Jenn."

     "Please," I begged out of desperation. "Just until I figure out how to handle this, lets keep it between the two of us and no one else. Not even your mom and dad."

     "Fine, I'll do it, but I don't like it," she sighed. The timer on her phone started to ring. It was the most terrifying sound in the world to me. "It's time."

     I didn't join Selena. I didn't want to be the first one to know. She was the one that stood up to her feet and collected the tests. She lifted the first one, examined it and I could see her brows knit inward. She then took the second and inspected it just as carefully. She followed that up with the final two. When she was finished she placed them all back against the bathroom counter.

      "Do you want to know the results?" She asked me.

     No, I had no desire at all to know what they were.

     "Sure," I said despite myself.

     "Two red lines. You're pregnant."

     She was so direct without even a hint of hesitancy. It was like having a band-aid ripped off in one clean stroke.

     I shoved a pillow against my face and cussed loudly into it until I couldn't breathe. When all the yelling was out of my system I raised my head and smoothed back my hair. I felt calmer and more collected. At least I knew for sure that I was pregnant.

     I had a life trying to grow inside me. A life that Patrick and I had created. A life that I didn't want to be there.

     "I don't want it," I felt dirty for what I admitted, but it was the truth.

      "And that's okay, if you want me to go with you, I will." Selena didn't have to say where or for what. That's what I loved about her, she knew what to say and what not to say. Mentioning the word 'abortion' would have made me feel worse.

     "Just take a few days and think about it. Don't make a decision right away. You know I personally think you should include Patrick in this decision."

     I definitely didn't want Patrick to have any say in my choice. I shook my head adamantly.

     "He'll want to keep it, I know him. He'd drop school and want us to get a place together, he'd try to get a job and make it work. That's his nature."

     Selena nodded without judgment. "What do you want?"

     I had to think about that.

    "I don't want to screw up his life or a babies life. It's okay if I screw up mine, but not theirs," I answered.

     She considered my situation logically. Her calm disposition in return made me feel calmer.

    "So give yourself a few days and we'll go together to the clinic and see what options you have."

    I bit my lip. "What if I can't go through with that?"

    "Then we still get a place together, but we buy a crib," she said and she tried to smile.

     "Lovely, then I can just be another statistic."

    "No, then you'd be a mom," she said.

     I returned my face into the pillow. A new wave of emotions came over me. I felt remorse and indecision. I loved Patrick. I loved him so much that I wanted the best for him.

    "I want to be selfless, Selena. I want Patrick happy, I want him to go to Stanford. He won't go if he knows about this baby. I'm not going to tell him about it. I am not going to put down his name when the baby is born because I don't want anyone going after him for child support. If I decide to keep this baby."

    "It sounds like you've already decided to keep the baby." Selena's voice held no approval or disapproval.

    "Yeah. Maybe, or adoption."

    My body trembled. I wasn't cold, but I couldn't stop my muscles from reacting. Maybe it was finally starting to sink in for me that I was going to have a baby. Selena wrapped her arms around me with sisterly-love.

    "If you're not going to tell Patrick, then you need to at least involve your father. You're going to need prenatal care."

    I could tell from Selena's tone that she didn't exactly agree with my choice to not involve Patrick.

    "I'll figure it out," I replied.

    "Well, you did say that you wanted us to adopt a baby if we'd been lesbians."

    "Yeah."

    "Guess you just really wanted to make that come true, didn't you? The two of us raising a baby together."

    "Of course, I did this on purpose for that very reason, girl. How'd you figure it out?"

   "Thanks, this is the best holiday gift ever you know."

    We laughed together. We were both terrified about how two eighteen-year-old girls could raise a baby together, but still, at least for that moment we could laugh.