I woke to the sound of shirts shifting over skin and bootstraps tightening.  I guess I ended up sleeping after all.  I pushed the sheets off of me and draped my legs off the side of my bunk.  My heart fluttered when I remembered what day it was: the day I could escape from my cage. 

I joined my fellow soldiers in our morning routine, which was now followed by assembling our gear for battle.  A few newer young soldiers seemed to fumble nervously with their equipment, trying so hard to focus on the task at hand.  However, we all knew what was waiting for us once we left the outer exterior.  For some, it was just another day.  For others, it would be their first, maybe even last, encounter with the Titans.  

I saddled up my horse quickly, eager to join my commanding officers near the gate: Commander Erwin Smith, Section Commander Hange Zoë, Section Commander Miche Zacharius, and, of course, my Squad Leader, Captain Levi.  I was still baffled by the strange interaction we had shared the night before, but now wasn't the time to think about it.  All I cared about was going outside.

I began tugging my horse's reins back and forth, causing her to pace side to side, as I tried to channel my restlessness. Levi must have sensed my impatience and guided his horse over to mine calmly.

"Oi, (L/N), save your horse's energy for when you really need it.  Like when a Titan is chasing your ass."

I glared at him but complied.  I wouldn't admit it, but he was right.  I inhaled deeply through my nose and settled both myself and my horse. Focus.

"...And don't forget about what I said last night," Levi muttered under his breath.

I was too stubborn and embarrassed to meet his gaze, so I just stared at his cape as it lightly danced around his shoulders from the breeze.  Annoyed by my reluctance to give him my full attention, he yanked his horse's reins vigorously to align parallel to me, forcing eye contact.

"(L/N), now is not the time for your stubborn ass to be selfish.  I'm serious.  Look around you, at all of these new recruits.  They've already all shit themselves, and we haven't even left the main gate.  You're one of the best soldiers we've got when it comes to taking down those stupid Titans, but you suck at actually caring about the humans around you.  There's gonna be a moment in your life when you have to risk forfeiting that freedom you've been obsessing over and save their sorry green asses from being eaten.  Whether you want to or not."

My eyes burned with fury.  He had no idea what he was talking about.  I had fought so hard to get to where I was, and I wasn't going to let anything stand in my way.  He must have recognized the agony I was trying to hide behind my anger because his cold eyes slightly softened and his tone changed.

"Oi...just don't let your past make your decisions for you anymore, alright?  Or you'll just continue to regret them."

Somehow his words resonated within me.  No matter how far I tried to run from my past, it always seemed to catch up with me.  Had I really been too blind to see that I still wasn't in control of my own life? I hadn't always been cold and selfish... that just wasn't who I was. I had been left so raw and vulnerable that I had been forced to withdraw, to push people away.  Someone else had decided that I should be a punching bag, a receptacle for their insecurities.  When someone made the decision to steal my innocence, it wasn't my choice to distrust others from then on.  I wasn't the one who was choosing my path... It was everyone else.

I hesitated, in that very moment I had yearned for, questioning whether or not it was my choice to venture into the unknown after all.  Had it just become a glorified suicide mission?  No.  No... It IS my decision to fight.  Once I leave these walls behind, it will be ME that determines my future and no one else!

Rallying behind Commander Erwin, I was filled with inspiration when I heard him passionately shouting his order to advance. We charged forward, bursting through the gate, as he led us forward into the abandoned confines of Wall Maria. Inhaling deeply, I breathed in the warmth of the sun, no longer obstructed by the shadows of Wall Rose. One more wall... and I would be free.

Our journey would continue onward, with the hopes that we would soon explore outside the third and final wall with minimal casualties. It had only been a few years since Wall Maria had been breached, but we hadn't been able to escape since.  Leaning back in my saddle, I imagined what my rapidly approaching freedom would feel like. I would ingrain every detail in my mind: the uninhibited breeze, the wide open fields painted with flowers and dancing grasses... a horizon void of barriers... Closing my eyes, I sighed and brought myself back to reality, knowing I would have to make it there alive first.

Everyone began to break off into formation, as a few groups galloped out of sight.  My piece of the bracket consisted of three other soldiers, all but one versed in the ways of battle. I could see Levi not too far ahead of me, assigned just behind the front lines.  His skills were necessary for a head-on collision, but too irreplaceable to be the first hit.  He also had to be a beacon of hope, centrally located for all to see. He was, after all, Humanity's Strongest Soldier. Suddenly, I heard a shout from afar.

"Red signal flare from the East!"

My eyes followed the smoke trail into the sky, and I gritted my teeth. I withdrew my pistol and loaded it with the green barrel to carry on the order for westward movement. Kicking my horse's flanks, I encouraged her into a more rapid gallop.  With a titan spotted to the east, our formation drifted west, trying to avoid confrontation for as long as possible.  We meandered on, dodging obstacles and responding to colored smoke.  Even in the midst of danger, I had never felt so alive.

Black smoke... from the north? That would mean we were running straight into an abnormal titan, the most dangerous and unpredictable of foes.  I heard a faint whimper from behind me, and I turned to find the newest recruit in my group trying to fight back tears.  I knew her name and not much more. 

"Greta!  Don't lose sight of our mission!  Keep looking forward and believe in our Commander!"

She sniffled and straightened her posture, surprised by my words of encouragement.  Honestly, I was surprised myself.

Another black signal appeared, but this time from the West.  It was only a matter of time before this would happen.  We were surrounded. I could feel the stomps of multiple titans charging toward us.  And then I saw it: the first abnormal of the day.  This one couldn't be avoided.  A few scouts zipped forward, with full intentions of bringing it to the ground.  But we could only watch helplessly as they struggled in vain.  We had no other choice but to push on, as more and more soldiers met their demise at the clutches of the berserk beast.

The atmosphere began to change as our situation intensified.  Our cocoon of safety was shedding, making my position more and more vulnerable.  And yet, we were somehow still filled with determination.  Our leaders had not faltered, so neither would we.

"Johan! You and Greta keep going! Mari, back me up!" I shouted back toward my comrades. 

I withdrew my blades and guided my horse underneath an approaching 5-meter titan.  Avoiding its monstrous hands as it bent down to grab me, I slashed through its legs with force.  It began to stumble forward from my attack, and Mari was quick to follow, slashing its nape open as it fell. She swiftly returned to her horse as we regrouped, nodding at me as we rode on. I had been lucky to find soldiers with whom I always fought beside well. Johan, Mari, and I were familiar with each other's tactics, and they rarely second-guessed my orders.

There didn't seem to be any shortage of Titans this time around.  I was beginning to break off more blades than usual and was stained with the blood of both human and titan.  My team was starting to show signs of exhaustion, so I just pulled strength from my drive to see outside the walls.  If I can just taste freedom... just once... I glanced forward to watch Levi effortlessly slaughter four 7-meter titans, spinning through the air with grace. His stealth and speed were incredible. It was as if he went completely unnoticed by the enormous beasts.  

Our numbers were dwindling, but we weren't ready to give up or retreat.  The stronger warriors seemed to feed off the kill, more and more driven by each slice they made.  I too was addicted to the rush, transferring my demons into each corpse that fell from my blades.  My battle cry was really just a cathartic scream, as I mocked the roars of my opponents. I must have been blinded by my bloodlust, for I soon noticed I had distanced myself too far from my team.  Mari wasn't too far behind me, but Johan must have fallen back to stay with Greta.  I had been too hasty.

We were passing through the rubble of an abandoned town when it happened.  Mari and I were too far ahead of Johan and Greta to have done anything.  Without warning, a 10-meter titan burst through a crumbling tower and pounced on Johan, driving his body into the ground. Greta screamed in terror, falling from her horse.

"JOHAN!  GRETA!" shouted Mari, when she heard the petrified shrieks.

I turned to witness Mari rushing back toward the bloodbath where Greta was attempting to unsheathe her blades. I froze.  I knew it was pointless for Mari to turn back; she wouldn't make it in time.  She wasn't even halfway there when Greta's screams were ripped apart by fist and tooth.  I expected Mari to stop there, to come back to me and press on.  But, at that moment, I couldn't comprehend why she didn't.  She tore into that titan with everything she had. It could have been rage.  It could have just been instinct.  But she knew she was going in solo.  I still hadn't moved.  I was so utterly confused, trying to understand her motives for pursuing the titan on her own.  Her screams were no longer fueled by rage; they were doused in the familiar cry of agony, causing me to snap out of my daze. I fumbled for my pistol as I tried to load it with the purple barrel: the color to call for help, a last resort.

Digging my ankles into my horse, I begged her to power toward Mari as fast as possible.  The purple barrel finally clicked in successfully, and I aimed the pistol above my head.  I watched as the violet smoke blended so quickly into the darkening sky.  The sun was setting, and the hue of the smoke was too similar.  I panicked, realizing I had no other choice but to fight.

"Mari!!! Hang on!" I shouted, closing in ever faster.  Just as I had fired my grappling hooks into the titan's skin, Mari flew in front of me, caught in the crossfire.  I had been careless, forgetting to read her movements.  My hook grazed her side, sending her spinning to the ground.  I looked up in horror to find the titan staring straight into my eyes. Out of pure desperation, I pushed off its cheek and flew behind it, taking aim for its neck. But even though my blades made contact, the cut wasn't deep enough.  Had no one seen my signal?  Was I all alone in this battle?  I couldn't even rely on Mari to fight with me now.  Because of my incompetence, she was unable to move.  I clenched my jaw and flew to her side, trying to quickly assess her injuries.

"Please (F/N)! I'll only be a burden to you!  Leave me here or we'll both die!" She screamed, trying to push me away.  But, surprising even myself, I tightened my grip around her waist as I pulled her to her feet.

"No Mari, we're getting out of here together!"

I fired my cables with just enough time to evade the swing that followed.  If I could just get to a place where this thing couldn't reach us, we could wait there for backup.  I could see a tower in the distance but wasn't sure if I could outrun the Titan to reach it.  So I conserved my gas by gliding along the rooftops, trying to keep hold of Mari's limp body as I flew.  I couldn't tell whether the blood on my arms was hers or mine anymore since I couldn't feel any pain while running off of pure adrenaline. Just when I thought we could make it, Mari's cables snagged onto the thatch-covered roof, and I tumbled forward.  I dug my nails into the roof, trying to stop myself from falling.  I had to pull myself up fast, or Mari would be killed.  She was out cold on the rooftop, and the titan was closing in.  I winced in pain as I regained my footing and raced toward Mari, drawing my last pair of blades. Placing myself between Mari and the Titan, I stood my ground, even though my exhaustion was catching up with me.  I braced myself for action when suddenly, I heard a familiar zip originate from behind me.  I turned to find a blur flying past me just as the Titan's fists came down onto the roof.