The Author's Tome:

"Well Laura, I haven't heard you give any suggestions. What would you do given that we were stuck in an interdimensional limbo zone with nothing to do but sit and talk about the eccentricities of the greater multiverse?" Alicia brushed her long, unbound hair out of her eyes and behind her ears. She began regretting her decision not to learn how to style her own hair.

"Uh... we could go kill ourselves again. Though to be honest, the constant re-spawning's kinda starting to give me headaches," Laura replied. Her hair was comfortably brushed and tied to stay out of her face; perhaps Alicia could swallow her pride and ask her for a lesson; separation from her servants was taking its toll on her vision. "So anyway, I was still getting used to this whole interdimensional travel thing when I stumbled on this." Laura dropped a colossal book, at least three feet thick, on the table.

"Is that the complete, un-bastardized Bible?"

"Nah, it's called the Author's Tome. Apparently it's what the Omnipotent one one uses to jot down His thoughts before using His cosmic powers to decide what happens to us in our lives. That time you got infected with that awful disease? Right here. That time my dad got shot? Scheduled down to the minute."

"Is that right?" Alicia said.

"It's filled with detailed logs of all the various alternate dimensions and their denizens He's created besides ours. Like this one where Rick is my son, I'm a boring middle aged cop, and you're a psychopathic whore who sleeps with her dad. Oh, and you also did it with your brother at some point in here..." Alicia furrowed her eyebrows.

"I am psychopathic but I'm not that..."

"It's labelled The Party Scandal: Draft 1A. Whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. Ooh, how about this one where I'm basically Rambo and single handedly destroy every Islamic terror cell in the world alongside a handsome Israeli Mossad agent and save the President's wife and kids? Multiple times. And I hook up with... dammit, why couldn't I have been born into The Party Scandal: Draft 1C?"

"Probably because being an insufferable demi-god would have gotten boring very quickly. Let me see this..." Alicia snatched the book and flipped a few pages. "Well, in one universe, which The Author hasn't bothered labelling, the two of us are gun toting magicians of some sort. Not only is the portrayed marksmanship completely impractical and implausible, I don't even like using guns if I can help it. Ammo's heavy and no matter what suppressors I attach they're just too loud when I want to be subtle."

"Huh, no wonder you're always inventing ridiculous gadgets to fight people." Laura took the book back and flipped through the pages. "So, you up for reading some of this?"

"What else are we going to do? We're stuck in an interdimensional hub for The Author's entertainment."

"Beats being turned into a foppish, lovesick Mary Sue like most of the fanfiction section," Laura quipped. They both shuddered.

"You make a strong case."