My life started the day Twenty One Pilots asked me if I was still sleeping.

I opened up my email account that morning, only to find a gif of a half-open yellow eye. At first, I was excited. Maybe Twenty One Pilots is finally coming back from their hiatus, I thought as I closed the email and went to Twitter to see what everyone else thought of the mysterious email.

As it turned out, I was late to the party. By the time I logged on, everyone was already talking about the email and exchanging theories. Even my own fans had stopped talking about Pray For The Wicked just to speculate over when Twenty One Pilots was releasing new music. Had the world gone mad?

After I was done searching through my feed, I saw that I had received a DM. A small part of me hoped that it was from a particular ex-guitarist of Panic! At The Disco, but I knew that was unlikely. I hadn't even talked to him in years.

The DM turned out to be from Josh Dun. "Hey Brendon!" the message read. "I listened to your new album, and I really like it."

I was furious. Josh just had to rub it into my face that everyone on the Internet was talking about his band, and nobody cared about Pray For The Wicked anymore. I would prove to him that I was taking back the crown. "I'm Dun with you," I typed, and then sent to Josh. That would show him who was better once and for all.

Josh replied almost immediately. "Never heard that one before," he wrote. "What's up with you today, Brendon?"

I didn't even bother to reply. Instead, I returned to my feed and spotted a brief conversation between two of my fans about Twenty One Pilots.

@silktietourniquet - did you see the top email???

@beebofangirl - omg who hasn't i think they broke the internet

I knew better. Twenty One Pilots hadn't broke the Internet, but the war had begun. I would break the Internet long before Twenty One Pilots ever had the chance to, and I knew just how I would do it.

A few hours later, I was in the midst of an interview with Paper when the conversation turned to Ryan Ross. "Was it a huge personal hit when Ryan left?" the interviewer, a woman named Beatrice, asked, and for a moment, I was tempted to tell her the truth. I could finally let out everything that had been on my chest since Ryan left - how he had broken my heart - and surely, that would break the Internet.

Something stopped me. I couldn't just tell this stranger about how I had loved Ryan for two miraculous years, or how he had left me in Cape Town. There had to be a way to break the Internet without letting go of my deepest secret. "No," I told Beatrice. "It had been happening for a while."

The interview continued on, but Beatrice just kept asking me about Ryan. "He was such a heartthrob in his own right," she said, and I couldn't help but agree, leading me to comment about how adorable it was that fans still shipped us together. Maybe that would be enough to divert some of the Internet's attention away from Twenty One Pilots.

"You also don't buy into the old masculinity tropes," Beatrice said later, and I knew that this was my chance. If I couldn't break the Internet by hinting at the truth behind Panic! At The Disco's split, then maybe I could if I finally came out.

"No. I'm married to a woman and I'm very much in love with her but I'm not opposed to a man because to me, I like a person," I said. "Yeah I guess you could qualify me as pansexual because I really don't care. If a person is great, then a person is great. I just like good people, if your heart's in the right place. I'm definitely attracted to men. It's just people that I am attracted to."

"So you're pansexual," Beatrice said.

"I guess so," I said. "I guess this is me coming out as pansexual."

I arrived home a few hours later, staring at my phone. Already, the Internet was blowing up. Suddenly, the headlines about Twenty One Pilots were replaced with articles like "Panic! At The Disco's Brendon Urie Comes Out As Pansexual," "Brendon Urie Lays It All Out," and my personal favorite, "Panic! At The Disco's Brendon Urie Came Out As Pansexual In The Most Casual Way."

I barely even registered that someone else was in the room with me. "Hey Ryan," I said, not even looking up from my phone.

"Brendon, are you kidding me?" Sarah said. "I told you yesterday that if you called me Ryan again, I would leave."

"I'm sorry, Sarah," I said, finally putting down my phone. "I just wasn't paying attention."

"We've been married for five years," Sarah said. "You told me when you started dating that you weren't interested in Ryan anymore."

"I'm not interested in him," I said.

"Then why do you keep calling me Ryan?" Sarah said.

"It's only happened twice," I insisted.

"You called me Ryan forty two times just in the last week," Sarah said.

"I'll make more of an effort," I said. "I promise!"

"If you're still in love with Ryan, then just say so," Sarah said. "I'm not going to be your replacement goldfish."

That was when Sarah walked out of the house and left me. I spent the next three days crying, listening to sad music, cuddling with my dogs, and drinking excessive amounts of beer, hoping that I could somehow bring my wife back. I wanted nothing more than to trade my mistakes so they fade away.

Worst of all, I still hadn't broken the Internet.

Three days after I came out as pansexual and Sarah left me, Twenty One Pilots returned to the spotlight. When I woke up that day, I logged onto my Twitter account and found out that Twenty One Pilots had put up billboards with their new logo in several major cities around the world. Nobody cared about my interview with Paper anymore, because all anyone wanted to talk about was Clancy, Dema, and the color yellow.

I immediately sent a DM to Tyler Joseph. "Billboards?!" I wrote. "Really?"

Within a few seconds, he replied. "Do you like them?" Tyler messaged me. "We put them up in London, Berlin, and Toronto to promote our new album. I was considering kicking Josh out of the band via billboard too, but I figured that it would better to break the news to him in person."

"This isn't the time to crack jokes, Tyler," I wrote. "This is war!"

"Our new album actually is about war," Tyler wrote. "How did you guess?"

"Stop being so conceited, Tyler," I wrote. "You know what you're doing."

"Are you okay?" Tyler asked.

"Well, if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say..." I wrote. Tyler didn't bother to reply - he clearly got the idea. I turned my phone off and shoved it into my pocket, remembering that I had an interview with Nicole Niner from Silver Lining Magazine that morning. I cherished a few more minutes with my adorable dogs before I finally headed out the door and drove off to meet Nicole.

As I sang along to the radio, I realized that I was done with lying to everyone. I was done saying that Ryan didn't mean anything to me, or that it didn't hurt when he left the band. I was done saying that he left because of "creative differences." I was done telling people that we were "just friends" - a friend that I happened to enjoy kissing.

Nicole Niner, as it turned out, was surprisingly young for a music journalist, a fact that was accentuated by her short stature and her girlish face. She was probably no more than a tween when Panic! At The Disco released its debut album. "Hi Brendon," she said as she adjusted her I Don't Know How But They Found Me T-shirt. "Are you ready to get started?"

"I fucked Ryan Ross," I said.

"What?" Nicole said.

"You heard what I said. We were together for two years," I said. At this point, I couldn't stop. Telling the truth after all of these years was intoxicating, and if this couldn't break the Internet, then nothing could. "Ryan meant everything to me. We were feeling as good as lovers can, but he was worse than nicotine. He left me in Cape Town, mostly because I wanted to tell everyone about our relationship, but he wanted to stay quiet. Ryan left the band immediately after that, and Jon left with him. He's been gone so long that I've forgotten what he feels like, but I'm not going to think about that right now." I paused for a moment, and then said, "I was a fool to let him go."

I looked back at Nicole and saw that she was sobbing. What did I do wrong? I wondered. I asked her why she was crying, but Nicole wouldn't respond.

She finally dried her tears and whispered, "I ship Brallon."

Despite Nicole's reaction, the interview went on. She mostly asked me about Pray For The Wicked, but as soon as her interview was published, every news outlet focused its reporting on my relationship with Ryan. Of course, that was what I wanted. The Panic! At The Disco fangirls finally had their proof that Ryden was real, and everyone was talking about Ryan and I instead of Twenty One Pilots.

For the next two days, everything was right again. Tyler and Josh had both remained quiet after those billboards went up, and although Sarah still refused to speak to me, I had enough fangirls on the Internet asking me about Ryden to keep me company.

On Wednesday, I woke up to find that Twenty One Pilots had gotten their revenge once and for all. Not only had they released two new songs, but they had announced a new album and a tour. There was no way that I could compete with this, especially since I was kicking off a tour of my own that evening.

I listened to Jumpsuit and Nico and the Niners, and my worst fears were confirmed. They were both absolutely brilliant. Hearing Tyler Joseph's voice again nearly made me cry, and I realized that they had won. I had no new music to release - all of my best songs were already on Pray For The Wicked - and all of my secrets were gone now that I had told Silver Lining Magazine about how Ryan and I had dated all of those years ago.

I was going insane, but I didn't care. I had to do something, anything, but what could I do when I was leaving in only a few hours?

I blasted the Sound of Music soundtrack over my speakers, hoping to drown out my own worries by singing along to some of my favorite songs. Eventually, my dogs got involved, and by the time "Sixteen Going On Seventeen" came on, I was dancing around the house with Bogart in my arms, singing about how I needed someone older and wiser.

All of a sudden, I heard someone knocking on the door. Bogart and Penny both rushed to the door and started barking before I could turn off the music, open the door, and see who was there.

"R-Ryan," I said as I opened the door. "What are you doing here?"

"I was mad at you before, since you did force me out of the closet in that interview the other day..." Ryan said.

I hadn't even thought about that. I had been so wrapped up in getting the truth out there and breaking the Internet before Twenty One Pilots did that I hadn't thought of Ryan. Guilt sank into me, and I said, "I'm sorry, Ryan. That was wrong in every way."

"...but I can't be mad at you when you're this pathetic. I mean, you're dancing with your dog..."

"Dancing's not a crime!" I argued.

"...to a song about Liesl von Trapp's Nazi boyfriend..."

"His name is Rolf!"

"...shirtless..."

"Fuck a shirt!" I shouted.

"I can't say that I don't enjoy the view though," Ryan said as he stepped into the house and closed the door.

"Seriously, Ryan, why are you here?" I asked. "I'm leaving for a tour in a few hours."

"I already told you," Ryan said. "I was going to yell at you because you had the nerve to tell the media about our relationship. That wasn't right of you, but maybe you did have a point. We both lied to the world for years - it might be time for us to tell the truth for once."

"I took away the chance for you to do that on your own terms," I said.

"I know, but I'll forgive you," Ryan said.

"You don't have to forgive me," I said. "I hurt someone that I love, and that's unforgivable."

"Are you saying that you still love me?" Ryan asked, stepping closer to me.

I was going to answer, but my impulsive side took over. Ryan Ross, the man that I had loved for years, was in my house - something that I never thought would happen again after he left me in Cape Town. His velvet lips and the eyes to pull me were right there in front of me. I kissed him, and to my surprise, Ryan kissed me back. Time froze, and the world spun around me as all of the old feelings that I had for Ryan flooded back into me.

The moment ended when Penny started barking at us, and Ryan pulled away. "This is not what I had planned," he said.

"Me neither, but nothing matters but you, Ryan," I said.

Ryan smiled and said, "You know, I don't regret leaving Panic! At The Disco, but I do miss you. If you're willing, I'd love to give our relationship another try."

I couldn't believe that this was happening. "I definitely want to give you a second chance," I said. "I'll be better to you this time."

"So will I," Ryan said. "It was always you, Brendon." I held Ryan's hand with one hand and took my phone out of my pocket with the other hand and logged onto Twitter. "What are you doing?" Ryan asked.

"Ryden wasn't real," I tweeted. "It IS real."

"Brendon, what are you doing?" Ryan asked again.

The Panic! At The Disco fandom responded almost immediately. Within seconds, conversations like this appeared in my newsfeed.

@beebofangirl - ryden is real!!!!!!!!1111!!1!

@patdlover - yes yes yes my ship has sailed my otp is real

@jumpsuitjumpsuit - you guys must be joking

@jumpsuitjumpsuit - WAIT I JUST LOOKED AT BRENDON'S TWITTER THIS IS INSANE RYDEN REALLY IS REAL HALLELUJAH

@deadpegasus321 - guys i was gonna screenshot brendon's tweet and send it to my friends that ship ryden but brendon's twitter won't load anymore

The fangirls were right. When I tried to reload my Twitter page, it didn't work. I tried going to another website, but that wouldn't load either. Every time I opened a new page, it crashed immediately.

"Ryan, I think I broke the Internet," I said.

"You need to spend less time online," Ryan said. "We don't have long together before you have to leave for that tour of yours."

I paused to think about what Ryan had said. Maybe I was too concerned with what those fans on the Internet thought of me. Even when I did finally break the Internet, I didn't care all that much anyways. I threw my phone across the room, nearly breaking it, and said, "You're right. Let's make the most of the time that we have together."

Ryan pressed his lips to mine, pushing all of my other thoughts away. There was no reason to worry about anything or anyone else when the tear in my heart had finally healed.