It was Michel, standing at the school gates, stopping me from leaving the school. He had a flicker of mischievous, seductive look in his eyes and a broad shiny grin. The one which made me attracted to him when I first met him. 

"Just leave her, OK?" he whispered, pressing his lips into mine, and causing all stress to sink into his lips.

"OK," I whispered before my lips reached his. Suddenly, the bell rang and Michel quickly hid me inside a bush as students began coming and going to break.

"OK," he said. "Now listen." I didn’t want to hear anything but I didn’t have a choice as my legs rooted firmly to that spot and it refused to move. "My party's tomorrow and I need you to come ok? No matter what. I have a surprise for you and it's my last day of this school. Please come." I just nodded, but added 'I hope' in my head.

~~~~~

The rest of the day floated by quickly and I ignored Ogu completely, running home as fast as I could, to find that my mother was standing there with a happy grin.

"Guess what?" She exclaimed.

"I can leave this *£$% house?" I mumbled hopefully reaching for and apple to chew on, while I would hear the nonsense she said.

"No," she frowned but then to replace with a smile as her arm outstretched to a person next to her. "Your father's home and he's here to stay!" I choked on my apple and swiveled my eyes to the person next to her. Truly, my father stood there a broad grin on his face and his arm open.

"Hello honey. I'm sorry for what happened, please forgive me and give me a hug." His voice seemed so jolly and kinder than the other father I used to have before. He shaved off his beard and his hair grew on an afro on the top of his head. He had lost weight tremendously and his cheeks were malnourished to the bone- a sorry sight. 

I don't forgive. I will never forgive and he isn't any exception. I just grunted and went to open the knock on the door. My brother was home. As soon as he came home he dived away from me and leaped up to my father who gave him a content hug. My brother had grown a great lot and it looked funny but it still looked cute as they did their’ boy handshake’ and their 'boy greetings'. My brother ran up the stairs to give my father something and my father, once again opened his hands.

"You left me before and today aint gona change nothin’ so ^&*£ off," I grunted and turned to go upstairs only to have my mother’s hand pull on my neck.

"Ngozi listen," she growled and brought he face to mine and whispered, "Your father took all he could to come here and make amends and now you repay him like this?"

"He aint no father," I spat. "He's a $%**£^ sperm donor and I hate him, so now if you would excuse me." I didn't even think twice. Before my mother could slap me (like always) I slipped out of the living room and upstairs into my bedroom, forgetting my usual happening when I go to my room. I groaned as even more creatures began scratching my ears and rattling on my head, me trying to fight them off but in serious vanity. These creatures seemed to multiply by the day and each one of them had the voice of those who had oppressed me and who I oppressed  for each time one screamed and oppression an echo of the words 'cut' and 'kill yourself' rang through. I looked out of the window and sighed. Hopefully, I would be able to die before tomorrow. The main leader then paced round me, saying something with brought the beats to subside to a silence. He began to circle me more, cursing and mocking me but I just sat there in shame and he slapped my cheek.  His face was getting nearer to mine and I flinched but he laughed and slapped me again, on my head. I don’t even know why I didn’t pass out. I just sat there with endurance as all the creatures were grew to a position to pounce, on the order, and I rubbed my head in pain. He then wickedly raised his hand and they were off again. The pounced again. They hissed and screeched and growled until my ears could not take it. I did what I could to fight them and then the main leader raised his arm again. 

“Don’t think this is the end of it,” he whispered in my ear. “I’m be back soon don’t worry.” He made it seem as that was a good thing and I sniffed quietly as he left me I the silence.  As I sat in silence, tears began sliding down my cheeks, as if it were the only thing I had in the world. One beast stayed, however, gnawing on my ear and he screamed the word ‘hate’ which was what I felt for every human being- except Helena. I opened my bag and reluctantly flipped through my homework. Might as well start something now before I get in trouble tomorrow, I thought and picked up my pen to start the first question, when I heard a knock on the door. Before I could answer, the door slowly creaked open and my father's malnourished face peeped inside.

"May I come in?" He asked but sat on my bed anyway. I refused to talk to him and I don't forgive him. "What you doing?" Heasked as he picked up one of my books and read the title. "A level physics," He began. "I used to love this topic. How you doing in it?" I still remained silent and didn't look at him. "You know you can't hide forever. You have to talk about what's going on." I froze in my tracks and slowly craned my head to view his eyes. before I knew what I was doing, I threw my hand to his face and a sharp slap sound was released. He was surely taken aback but he didn't show any anger to my slap. He just smiled and shook his head. He got up and rubbed his cheek as he walked out of the door and when I looked carefully, I saw a crystal tear creeping out of his eyelid. Once he opened the door he turned around and said, "I love you babe." Without thinking, I replied, “I hate you papa." And I covered my mouth quickly but once the door shut, I began to wonder if I truly hate him. He seemed to change and he took the slap like a wimp, unlike my other dad who would rage back and nearly wound me. Does he still love me after what I said? I doubt it; he probably thinks I'm a horrible girl who doesn't think before she speaks. 'Why?' I cried. 'Why do I have to be so evil withought even thinking it?' I grabbed a razor, flung my books on the floor and let the pain seize my arm as a long stroke of blood gauged out of my arm. Oh why oh why, was all I could say and lay on my bed crying. Funny enough, while I was crying, there was a second knock and my older brother came in. I quickly pulled down my sleeve and hid the blade under the covers. 

"Well?" I said rudely. 

"Mom said you need to come down for dinner. Dad's got an announcement and it's his treat."

"Tell mum I aint going to that rotten dinner even if the president himself was down there,”  And I pushed him out adding, "He aint ma flipping father." 

Even though I didn't want to go down, the smell of roast beef and chocolate cake sieved into my nose and I couldn't resist. I got dressed in my best, longest (about up to my knees) dress and trailed down the stairs. As soon as I went down everyone stared at me and a silence flooded the room. I was wearing a dress in which I sworn never to wear because mother didn't like the dress I bought and to be honest it seemed weird myself not having a dress way above my knees. My 'father' called me a princess and made offered a seat next to him but I just ignored him and pulled a chair at the far end of the table.

"So," I said, rubbing my hands together, licking my lips and breaking the silence. "When do we start?"

"OK," Father began and lifted his cup. "To my family!" he shouted and we all toasted- except for me who just grunted then father said something else. His Nigerian voice dropped and his American voice began to brighten the room. "Lemme tell ya'll summat. Since y'all are my favorite family, I wanna take you all to my church. Were having a service today and tomorrow" I just grunted again and realised that staying here won't do anything to me. I came here for food and food is what i'm getting. I packed up my place and headed out of the room but father said,

"You, Rosie honey are the guest of honor. You are going to sit here and eat with the family." I turned around to find father with a stern strong face growling, even though he called me by my English name he still sounded dangerous. That was the face he used to control me in those days as he was the only one who could but today I'm not going to change my theories about him and he isn't going to shift my mind. 

"No," I replied rebelliously, "I aint going.” I flung one arm up to emphasize my statement and then turned to go but only to have a firm hand that gripped my shoulder and spun me round.

 "Listen young woman,” father said coldly. "I promised these people that I would bring my family and you know them very well. They are your friends- aren’t they?” I shuddered as I recalled the last incident with my church ‘friends. I shook my head, they weren’t friends, and I hated them all. “Come on girl. Right, now I’m forcing you to go and you aint going to doge this or else.” He stood there with arms folded and brows crossed.

"What?" I spat.

"Try it and find out," his Nigerian voice finished his conclusion and I knew he meant business. In fact I began to be afraid of him but there was some kind of worry in his voice which I really wanted to investigate- but I was too scared of him now. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we finished eating, my father stood up and asked me to come with him to my room because we needed to 'talk'. Worriedly I put down my spoon and pushed my chair up and walked silently up the stairs to my room.

"Rosie," he began and I blinked nervously, not having courage to reply. He put his soft palm to my cheek and said, "You haven’t changed a bit." I was going to point out that I have changed a lot just he's still thinking I'm going to be a good girl. "Why are you so angry with me? What have I done to you?" he said that in Igbo and I got frustrated so I replied, “Well for one you ruined my life and cut my cheek when you used the belt to 'correct' me."

"That was in the past. I've changed. What do you want me to do to make you believe me."

"You don’t." I confirmed. Why am I so scared of him? He isn't so bad as before but I still don't trust he's changed, one bit. "I aint never believing you and you aint gona change me." I growled and he sighed again which, to be honest is quite depressing. 

"Anyway, I wanted to talk about life in general. Is there anything you want me to know about?"

"I told you before. I don’t like you I don’t care about you and you aint ma flipping papa to boss me around."

"Look into my eyes Ngozi," My father's voice began to get cold and emerge into Nigerian accent. "I am your father. No matter what you say. I want to help you but you are just being stubborn and rude. I’m sorry for leaving you and for making you feel so depressed but God told me to come and help you. You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to but I just feel I can fix things."  My arms were folded and all fear of him evaporated quickly and I put on my most daring face. 

“Thank you for feedback but I am fine how I am until you came into my life." I could tell he was angry.

"Downstairs Ngozi." he growled.

"Get out of my room."  I insisted. 

"I said downstairs," His voice began to rise.

"You aint changed. You still the old papa who used to get angry at me for no reason!"

"No Ngozi. I'm being firmer and gentler with you. Why do you think I walked out when you slapped me when I was being nice to you?"

"Because you’re stupid. You should have left me on my own and you won’t be like this. Now scram." I don't know why I was saying this; I just began saying things that I didn't want to say. I know I should respect him more but my mouth won’t let me. 

"I've told you before Ngozi. I am not your playmate. You don't play games with me so try and co-operate with the family. I don't stand for Wahala; even if you live in China I will still beat you"

"Then kill me before you do." I screamed and pounced on him again but, there was a knock on the door and my sister walked in with the Ogu on the phone.

"Erm, it's for you." She stuttered seeing me holding father collar and fists in a puch position. Father got up and left and me and Ogu were on our own.

"Hello?" I muffled.

"Hey, are you busy tomorrow?" she asked.

"Erm, yes, sorry. I'm kind of going to church with my dad." (Lie of the devil)

"That’s great because I was going to ask you to come to church tomorrow"

"Yer, whatever. Bye."

"Erm, bye?" I aint going, I don't like her or any idiot that lived in my family especially my father.

I bolted the door and got out the blade as I let the pain seize my body and a sense of life came into me. That's what happens when I cut. I feel more alive and all the anger goes through to the pain. I tied one of my old scarves around my arm and lay down happily. Then I got a text from Helena and we haven’t talked in ages so the convo lasted a while. I discussed about the party and about cutting because she's the only girl I would want to tell and she told me that she's putting her baby for adoption because she's doesn't want to abort her baby. When we finished I got another beep but not from Helena but from father.

'Btw Rosie," It said. 'I know you cut'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's a bit emotional but I guess the next part's goin to be a bit better. 

Question: do you think she's going to the church or not