"They've got to cancel our performance,"

John had been sitting at Paul's bedside for a long time a couple days after the accident on the boat. He, George, Ringo, and Brian had gone to the rehearsal.

"What?" Paul looked up slowly.

"We went to rehearsal and they said that they'd have to let us go if we didn't have all four members of our band and you can't perform, so..." John shrugged. "Brian seems pretty beaten up about it, though."

"That's crazy," Paul said and propped himself up on his elbows. "No, ring them up. Tell them I can play! I'll manage! Listen, just, you'll sing most of the songs and George will sing and it'll be fine!"

"Paulie," John said tenderly, laying his palm on Paul's chest and pushing him down against the pillows gently. "Paulie, just lay down, okay? You are not performing until you're ready. If a doctor says that you need to stay in bed for a few weeks and let the water drain out of your lungs then you are staying in bed for a few weeks until that water drains out of your lungs."

Paul raised his eyebrows. "John,"

"No, I'm not letting you jeopardize your health for this band," John said sternly.

Paul rolled his eyes. "If anyone else was in my position you'd tell them to suck it up, get out of bed, get their guitar and get in the car. You can't discriminate. I'm not any different from everyone else."

"No, Paul, you are different," John sighed, taking Paul's hand. "You're right, okay? I would tell everyone else to suck it up. But you're not everyone else. I don't love everyone else."

Paul looked at John and smiled. "Love you, too,"

~~~

The Beatles and Brian were sent home a few days later on March seventh. The doctor from Faial said that as long as Paul remained seated as much as possible, then he would be able to manage the trip home. So Paul remained seated whenever they were waiting or on a plane, and at all other times, to Paul's absolute horror, John, George, Ringo, and Brian all insisted on pushing him around in a wheelchair.

When Paul and John, at long last, arrived back in their apartment, Paul sighed with relief as they laid down in bed. "That wheelchair was terrible. Couldn't you have let me walk around? Just a little bit?"

"No!" John said. "And you are not getting out of this bed at all for the next two weeks. You need to rest."

"What if I need to pee?" Paul questioned.

John thought about it for a few moments before answering. "Fine," he said decidedly. "We can make one small exception for the bathroom. But that is where I draw the line, Paul McCartney!" John said with a huge, playful grin.

Paul laughed.. This was so unlike John and he was still having trouble getting used to it. He wasn't sure if he would ever get used to all of this - and that's when ur hit him! He'd been waiting for weeks to get used to John acting the way he did, the way it felt to kiss John and how weird it was to be in a relationship, and now he had the realization that they would eventually have sex weighing down in his mind, and it hit him... He was never going to get used to it. He would live the rest of his life with this John, who was new and exciting and perfect and still John, and he would never ever in a million years get used to it.

John drifted off to sleep and Paul had no intention of breaking the rules set out for him for the duration of his healing process...but then he heard something in the kitchen.

He crawled away from the warmth that John provided and even managed to get himself to his feet all on his own. Then, very slowly, he walked (if you could even call it walking) into the kitchen. "Hi, Barney," he said.

Barney sighed. "I thought I might never see you again after that day... You gave us all a real scare, Paul."

"Hm," Paul said thoughtfully.

"The F.H.O. is having a field day," Barney said. "I think they're all really beginning to realize that you're not immortal and that we really need you and that there are people out there who are going after you, trying to kill John or even you apparently. It's good that they're finally opening their eyes, but I hate that you had to look death in the face to get them to do it."

"Barney," Paul sighed, completely ignoring everything the man had just said to him. "You told me, months ago, that me and John and George were safe, that the F.H.O. was protecting us! What, are they not protecting us now? Are the three of us going to get killed? Is Ringo in danger now, too?"

"Paul, stop panicking," Barney said. "You need stay calm."

"Stop panicking?" Paul narrowed his eyes. "Barney, I have been ripped out of my life, thrown back to a time when I am nineteen! And then I'm told that my best friends and my dad and Linda are suddenly alive! And I've got to protect John and he's got some big secret that he's keeping from me! So then Linda dies! The woman who I fell head over heels in love with years and years ago and your organization goes and kills her! And then I find out that my best friend who had been dead for almost thirty five years is in love with me!"

"You told me that you're in love with him, too!" Barney shouted.

"I am!" Paul bellowed. "That's the problem! Don't you see?! I had this image of John in my head for years. From when I met him, top when we were in the Beatles, to when we were fighting, to making up, and then to the years I've spent with him dead... I have had this image of him in my head for as long as I can remember and you went and changed it because something bad will happen if I am not in love with John Lennon. And I just don't understand.."

Barney frowned sympathetically but he didn't say anything. The room was silent for a while.

"You know what?" Paul sighed. "I'm in love with John. I've come to terms with that. And I'm happy with him. But did you ever consider that I didn't want to be happy with him like this?"

"Why should it matter?" Barney asked. "If you love him, and you're happy, then why should it matter if you didn't want this in the first place?"

"You don't get it," Paul shook his head. "This isn't how it's supposed to be with John. I can't stop thinking about this and puzzling over the fact that I'm dating him and I finally know why! It's because this is not how things are supposed to be with John and I just - I don't know! I don't know what to think, I don't know what to do! I just don't know and I'm sick of not knowing!" And without another word, he left the kid then and he crawled back into bed beside John, as far away from him on the bed as he could get...

How can I be in love with John? He thought. How can I be in love with John? Hoe can I be in love with John?

~~~

A few weeks later, late in March, when Paul was healed and they were performing a show, something happened. They were in the middle of this performance and Paul was singing and he looked over at John and..he winked. That was all. He just winked. But it did something.

After the show, as they were walking how, Paul couldn't help but notice how John wasn't joining in the conversation between Paul and George and he was pretty sure George was noticing the strange behavior, as well.

He figured it out pretty quickly, though, once they were behind closed doors. Back in their apartment when they were alone, Paul looked at John and he knew exactly what had happened and he cursed himself for winking.

John's eyes were dark, pupils blown wide, and Paul was standing there, cursing himself for...for...

Oh, screw it all!

He lunged forward and kissed him, deeply and desperately. He'd never felt so needy in his life and he didn't care and he didn't care that this was his best friend in the whole world and he didn't care what he'd said to Barney just a few weeks earlier! He especially didn't care that he was being completely bi-polar about all of this, going back and forth between being mad that he'd fallen in love with John and just being in love with John! Because dammit, he was in love with him and he couldn't stop that and at the very moment, he wanted to have sex with John, a lot of sex, and he didn't want to feel guilty about being in love with his best friend anymore. And yeah, he knew that he'd probably feel weird about it later anyway, no matter what he said to himself, but he was going to have sex with John anyway!

"Bedroom?" John said into Paul's mouth.

Paul grinned. "Oh, yes. Please!"

John led Paul backwards towards their room, kissing down his jawline and attacking the small part of his neck that was exposed.

The two of them stumbled into their room, grabbing onto any karts of one another that they could get their hands on. John slammed Paul up against the wall and latched his mouth onto his lover's desperately. "Want you," he said between kisses. "Need you."

Maybe this was too much. Maybe Paul was taking this all too far this time. It was John! His best mate!

And then he reminded himself yet again, for what felt like the millionth time; it was John. He loved John. He loved John.

"Then take me," Paul grinned, his breath coming out labored and uneven. "Please. Right now.. I'm all yours, Johnny."

"Love you," John whispered, kissing down Paul's jawline, and down his neck.

"I - I love you," Paul said and John pressed his forehead to Paul's, looking into his eyes. "I love you. So much."

"Yeah?" John grinned and Paul matched his expression.

"Yeah," he said and kissed him firmly.

John moved back down to Paul's neck as he began to fumble with his tie, soon throwing it aside, and his shirt. Paul shifted and John took his mouth off of his pale skin. Paul quickly began to unbutton his shirt and tear it and his suit jacket off. "You know, Johnny, it's no fun getting naked all by yourself."

John quirked one eyebrow up and paired it with a smirk before he undid his own tie, letting it join the rapidly growing pile of discarded clothing on the floor.

Paul began to think, as he a John both became progressively more and more naked, that maybe his beloved image of John was overrated, anyway. Maybe it was high time that he view John in a new light.