Paul couldn't believe that he'd really lost Linda again, and he hadn't even been given a chance to save her. He kept trying to think of a way to bring her back but there was no way. She was gone. Again.

      As August faded into September, and the band was playing more and more at the Cavern Club, and John's nightmares continued every night, Paul began to wonder if this was worth it. Would he even be able to save John or George? And what if Barney wasn't all that he said he was?

     And speaking of Barney! Why hasn't he shown up since the beginning of August? Paul had some very strong words to say to him.

      One night, after a performance, George came to stay with John and Paul for the night. John went to bed when they got back but Paul said he was staying up for a while and George decided to stay with Paul.

     "Want a ciggie?" George offered.

     Paul frowned. "No, I've decided to quit, actually."

     "Really? Why?" George said.

      "Cigarettes are awful for you, you know," Paul said. "They'll kill you. They turn your lungs black and make it hard to breathe."

      George stared down at the cigarette in his hand and then slipped it back into the box. "So, tonight's show was good, eh?"  

     "Oh, yeah," Paul nodded in agreement. "It was aweso- gear!"

      "Yeah," George nodded. "I especially thought - "

      "NO!"

     George looked up toward the bedroom. "Uh,"

     "Shit," Paul hissed. "Hold on, Georgie, I'll be right back." He ran from the kitchen as John started screaming, "PLEASE! DON'T LEAVE ME!" Paul collapsed onto his knees beside John and shook him awake. "John! It's okay!"

     John flung his arms around Paul and held him closer than ever. "Oh, God," his breathing was heavy and unsteady. "I - I thought - "

      "I'm fine, John, I promise," Paul said. "Okay? Get some rest, yeah?"

     John nodded slowly and let his eyes close again. Paul sat there and waited until John's breathing was steady once more, signaling that he was asleep. Paul got to his feet, then, and went back to the kitchen where George was standing with an expression that was in intense mixture of worry and confusion.

      "What the hell was that about?" George questioned.

      "It's nothing," Paul sighed. "Well," he leaned against the counter. "Actually, it is something. But we're dealing with it. John's just been having these god awful nightmares is all, but they just won't seem to quit. It's been over a month now since they started."

      "Shouldn't you take him to a therapist or something?" George said.

     "Yeah, like John will listen to me," Paul rolled his eyes.

      "Sometimes I think that you're the only one that he'll ever really listen to," George said and Paul frowned. "You're his best friend. And you know what? He lost his mum, his dad's never been around - not since he was a kid, so all he's got is you, me, Pete, and Mimi. Now he's not that close with Pete and he misses Stuart and I'll never be as close to him as you or Stuart. Mimi nags him nonstop about all sorts of things, but he loves her. So you and her...you two are his family. His real family."

     Paul didn't say anything, he just took the kettle and went to the sink to fill it. He lit the stove and put the kettle on.

     "Paul, it's okay," George shrugged his shoulders. "It's just because you're his best friend and he doesn't usually get as close to people as he is to you so quickly."

     "Yeah, I suppose," Paul said and got two teacups and and two teabags out of the cupboard.

     "Look at what just happened, Paul! You can't deny it!" George exclaimed with a heavy sigh. "He wanted to get away from everyone and be completely on his own, and then he invited you to come and live with him. He lets you see him like this, scared and just a mess. He...damn, he really trusts you." George said with a thoughtful look on his face. Paul didn't answer. "Paul?"

     "Hm?"

     "Is there...is there something going on between you and John? Like, more than just friendship?" George asked in a cautious tone.

     "What?!" Paul spun around. "No!"

     "Sorry," George said. "I'm really sorry! It's just..."

     "No," Paul shook his head. "It's fine, I get it. I get why you might think that... But no. Just...no, there's
nothing like that going on between me and John."

      George nodded. "I believe you. It's just...I had to ask."

      Paul nodded. "Yeah,"

~~~

     John went out toward the end of September to get some more milk, and when he came back he stood with Paul in the kitchen. "You'll never guess who I ran into at the super market today," he said.

     "Who?" Paul asked.

     "Cynthia," John said.

     "Really?" Paul looked over and smiled. "How is she?"

     John smiled, too. "She seems...happy. Which is good. Great! She's getting married next year and she's having a baby."

     Paul smiled wider. "That's great,"

     "Yeah," John nodded. "Yeah, it is,"

~~~

     It wasn't until the first of October that Barney finally showed up for another middle of the night visit. Paul stood in front of him, arms crossed and eyes narrowed. "How. Fucking. Dare you."

     "Paul,"

     "No," Paul snapped. "You just shut up and listen to me because you know what? You had no right to kill her! No right! And don't feed me this it's-how-it-was-supposed-to-be-in-the-first-place bullshit because I love her, okay? And I lost her and you fucking killed her!"

     "No I didn't!" Barney said. "Paul, I'm sorry. It was the president of the F.H.O. and he - he insisted that it needed to be done and... I refused to be part of it. I told them I wouldn't work the case anymore if he was going to have Linda killed. That's why I haven't been here in a while. But they convinced me to come back. They couldn't find anyone who would take over and come see you and guide you."

     Paul frowned. "You were really going to drop this case?"

     Barney nodded, frowning. "I just can't believe that they would kill her and...and that poor baby."

     "The baby survived," Paul said.

     Barney's eyes grew wide. "Are you serious?"

     Paul nodded. "Heather is alive,"

     "Oh, my god," Barney grinned. "I didn't know that. Their plan was to let them both die."

     Paul shook his head. "Thank you,"

     "For what?" Barney laughed humorlessly, the grin vanishing from his face. "Letting the love of your life die?"

     "For trying to keep her alive," Paul said. "For doing everything you could..."

     Barney looked at Paul, watching him carefully. They stood there in silence, but after a long while Barney broke the silence and spoke. "Paul," he looked genuinely worried about something. "Do you think you could ever fall in love again after all of this?"

      Paul stared at Barney for a long time, trying to decide exactly how he was going to answer while, at the same time, trying to figure out what the question meant. Eventually, he decided to just answer with the truth. "I had Nancy back in the twenty first century and I loved her, but after all of this, here and now... I just don't know. I really haven't got a clue at this point."

     Barney nodded slowly.

~~~

      "Paul!" John walked into the flat and Paul hurried into the sitting room to see what he wanted. "So, I was just visiting with Mimi and she said she wanted to give my my birthday present early so I could go and do something, get away for a little while. A hundred quid! Paul, we're going on holiday!"

      Paris.

     This was it. And Paul was ready.

     He needed to find out what the big realization in Hamburg was.

      He was ready.