"We could just.. not go.. Say that I'm sick or something?" Jungkook mumbles, nibbling a loose thread from the chest pocket of Taehyung's worn out BenHogan polo. "Or we have exams?"

"Jimin, that ass has already told everyone we all are free from college around his mom's birthday. He's probably testing wines for the night as we speak. So no, the exam alibi won't work." he yanks away the thread from the bunny teeth, eliciting a disapproving whine from Jungkook.

"And even if we say you're terminally ill, they'll move the entire party setup to the hospital room and you know it, love."

"Ughhh!!" The younger of the two scoots away on the bed to aim a stern kick on Taehyung's thigh. "Then. Do. Something." he emphasizes with his words and simultaneously kicks on the poor boy's thigh.

"Ow! Oh my god!" Taehyung is quick to get up and take Jungkook's both flailing ankles into his grip because- "if you think beating me to death is the solution, best believe there will still be the get-together at my funeral! Then you'll be in the center alone."

Jungkook finally halts in his ministrations (read: murderous attacks) when Taehyung is adorning a frown that fails to show the briefest ousting of anger thanks to the adorable puckering of his glossy lips. "Then what Tae!" he plops down onto his lap "Do somethinggg! They're gonna butcher us!!"

There's an oblong pause, much to his anxiety's amusement, Jungkook turns in the lap to peek at the boyfriend's face. One glance and he knows that look— the look of hesitation— the okay-i-have-a-plan-but-don't-kill-me look. "Shoot." he says softly.

"I..um..we..uh y'know.." Jungkook nudges at his tummy causing Taehyung to yelp away, a lock of blonde hair slipping from behind his ear to cover his eyes. "We could.. liethatwehavebrokenup"

"Totally understood. Roger that."

"I mean... they wouldn't torture us much if... We've broken up."

Against the backdrop of faint jazz music, the rhythmic phooey of humidifier and the soft flashes of blinking fairy lights, Taehyung awaits another kick, perhaps straight to the face this time, when Jungkook promptly props up.

There must be a totally thrown-off expression on the boy's face, but Taehyung chooses to guess that rather than steal a scared glance because, well.

"T-that doesn't sound so nice Tae." a diffident voice now, Jungkook looks almost disquieted as if Taehyung might actually break up with him just to escape the questions about their sexual endeavors.

"No no no! You dippy! Not literally.. We pretend that we've broken up! I wouldn't actually break up with you, you idiot...not ever!" he places a small peck at the back of the hand that he was quick to grab.

Jungkook thankfully deflates from the vigilant stance he was acquiring and sucks in his bottom lip in consideration of the idea. "Pretend to break up?"

"Exactly!" Taehyung committedly turns unrepentant at the reaction, eyes suddenly aglow with mischief and levity. "They wouldn't want to make things awkward at the dinner if we act like we don't wanna talk about 'us' under any circumstances."

"I hate that I'm intrigued. But Jimin! He'll snitch!"

"He doesn't have to know we're pretending until the purpose is done." Jungkook's eyes widen the size of apples and the tug mirth at the edges of his lips now more evident. "I have two classes in common with him. Don't come to fetch me for those and for a week we'll sit separately at lunch. What say?"

"I say I wanna kiss your sexy brain right now!" Jungkook bounces sitting on his calves, legs tucked behind, and places a stamping kiss on Taehyung's mouth with a loud sound.

Both of them are almost in the process of laying back down with contentment of finally finding a solution to the catastrophe when Jungkook sits up again, a shrieking noise accompanied.

"What?" Taehyung asks with a pout from where he is half laying, waiting for Jungkook's chest to come serve as a pillow.

"They're gonna know."

"How will they know?"

"Nothing can be hidden from Jimin, Taehyung. We literally see your brother four times a week?"

"Hey! What's poor Yoongi got to do with all this?" Taehyung, almost with an offended look now, gets up to parallel the defensive look of his boyfriend.

"Don't get all broad-chested on me! Your brother literally tells everything to his boyfriend! He probably even knows the shade of brown his poop was this morning!"

"So? I like Hobi too!" The pout that he huffs almost gives away that he kind of understands where this is going but the arms that childishly cross in front of the chest somehow show reluctance to accept this. God, Jungkook could read him like an open book.

"So... who is Hobi best friends with?" he emphasizes

"Seokjin."

"And who is Seokjin's boyfriend, honey?"

"...Jimin." Taehyung looks away, a crestfallen glint in his features that Jungkook could move worlds to wipe away.

"Bingo." His own voice cannot hide his disdain in it. For what it's worth, this was a great plan. Only that Jimin is a spider with his webs all over the town. "It isn't possible for that snitchy spawn of the devil to not know."

Taehyung knows that it is true, but only partially if he pays heed to the evil dormant strain of his neuron. "...unless."

"Unless?" Jungkook's eyes gorge out, mouth hanging agape "NO TAE! We can't kill Jimin!! He's annoying but still is family and aunt Sumi-"

"Seriously, that's your first guess? You need to stop watching Law & Order reruns every night please!" Taehyung spits out frightened and resigned but almost an equal measure of hesitant. "I meant unless we tell everyone that we've broken up... we actually act out like we have."

"You mean we don't lie about breaking up.. We actually act like we have?"

"Yeah.. like we could say something happened tonight and we decided to end it-"

"A week later it will still be fresh to not be talked about." Jungkook gapes like a starved dog rubbernecking a beef jerky "But still not fresh enough to look devastated."

"Exactly! And it'd be better because then Jimin would hear all the gossip about it from our defrauding group, gaining us the required sympathy."

"Yes. But that would require us to not talk about this to anyone. No. Body. But. Us!"

"Not even Namjoonie?" There's those big of Jungkook's that Taehyung could actually place bets on are persuasive enough to convince Smokepurpp to quit rapping, but he would let this off the hook if it wasn't so crucially a secretive matter.

"Not even Namjoonie."

"That's—"

"I know it's too much, bub. But-"

"—genius!!" a face splitting grin riddled on his face, he lunges forward to crash clumsily on the older's body "It's a clandestine matter of life and death, of course we can't tell Namjoonie! Fuck! I'm dating a genius! This is the bestest idea everest!!"

"Everest." Taehyung chuckles and lays straight with Jungkook in arms and vice versa, both thereafter giggling in unmatched elation.

They're rolling-polling all through their bed locked in a hug, with chirps and laughs. Ruffled plumages mixing on the knocking foreheads while little nose kisses are placed offhandedly, Taehyung laughs into the other's mouth.

"Oh by the way, it would take me far more than a week to not be devastated over you if we ever break up for real." he receives an airy peck in retort.

"I guess then we'll never find out about that."

============================

Not me throwing shade at Smokepurpp for no reason (sorry not sorry)

Anyways the crackheads have settled on their 'genius' plan! Here we go!! I will see you all tomorrow!!

Thank you for sparing your time!