Julie's POV

I wasn't talking or uttering a single word. I was sat in the snow - staring at their gravestones. All my thoughts and emotions being put on display; the tears streaming down my cheeks - screamed vulnerability. It was getting cold now, I was physically shaking - the drugs were slowly drifting away and I was back to my senses.

I bring my knees up pressing them against my chest - wrapping myself up for some sort of warmth. I can feel my bum getting soaked but I didn't budge - I stayed in place. I felt as if I was sat with them, I could feel their love easing itself into my broken soul.

"It's almost Christmas" I whisper, I wish I would have been able to celebrate the Christmas holiday with them - I never got the chance. I was never able to celebrate this festive holiday, and by the looks of it; I wouldn't be celebrating this year as well. The sound of car tires pulling up to the cemetery let me know that they've found me - I knew it wouldn't be long until they noticed my absence. I just needed this moment; I needed it with Jacob and Amanda.

"I love you" My voice cracked, I could feel my lips trembling but not from sadness - I was freezing. I had accepted their death, and I felt a sense of peace settle inside of me. I let out a long puff of air - swirls of exhalation disappearing into the cold crisp winter air. The foot steps were getting closer and closer - the sound of Mam's voice echoes into my ear as she drops to the ground - pulling me into her warm body.

"I was looking for you everywhere" Her voice is thick, her arms are shaking - I knew she was worried about me. I was still upset; she yet again let her temper get the best of her - taking it way too far

"I'm sorry bubba, I'm sorry" She pleads, kissing the side of my face - my eyes still locked on the gravestones. I could almost feel Amanda and Jacob smiling at the scene being played out in front of them - they were finally meeting Mam and seeing what true love was.

"I w-was here" My teeth clatter together, she holds me tighter - forcing me up to my feet. I didn't realize how cold I was until I felt the sore pain in my knees - I glance one last time to the cemetery as she helps me into the car. It was a smile, a smile that I had finally seen Amanda and Jacob happy - I needed that more than anything.

"Olivia you drive" Mam speaks, she settles in the back seat with me - the car heat put on full blast, her lips being placed against my face. I noticed Libby watching us every so often in the mirror - I couldn't find myself to string a sentence together. I felt weak, and down - depressed in someway. All I wanted to do was go back to the house and fall asleep in my own bed.

"I love you.. I'm sorry" Mam would whisper into my ear - it was such a quiet confession, only so I could hear it. She was holding me closer than ever - she never wanted to let me go; and even after everything she had done I still wanted her to hold me and kiss me - just tell me everything would be okay.

We arrive to the house sooner than later and I feel as if my legs aren't working - I'm far too feeble. She senses that, she holds me against her helping me through the house - it's quiet and everyone's eyes are on us; they're all worried. I hated that I've ruined this supposed 'cheery holiday'. Mum comes for me straight away and I pull out of Mam's hold falling straight into her arms - the feeling of love echo's into me; her cuddles always made me feel safe.

"D-Don't let go" I whisper, she walks us away from everyone - the sitting room deserted as my family occupies the front room on the other side of the house. She's cradling me in her lap - whispering gentle words into my ear, kisses being followed. I'm still cold, shivering at the sudden change of temperature

"I thought we said no more?" She asks a while later, my eyes are closed - I'm exhausted, but I don't want to fall asleep. I want to stay awake and feel this embrace for a while longer

"It was only a little" I say weakly, my voice is barely audible - it was laced with exhaustion. I knew Mam was stood by the door the entire time; her eyes watching us closely - she wanted to be apart of this moment.

She lays us both down - her arms never leaving me, she draws me in closer to her; I hide my face against her chest, inhaling her motherly scent. I needed this more than she would ever know. My eyes were growing heavier, and I was soon falling asleep - the words leave my lips as I let sleep take over

"I'm sorry"

**
Kimberley's POV

"I'm sorry" She breathes, her body growing heavier as she falls asleep in my arms - I didn't reply. I knew she was sorry - I was going to have a long conversation with her once she was in a better state of mind. I place one last kiss against her forehead and release her from my arms - covering up her shivering body with the blanket.

"C'mere" I take Cheryl's hand and walk us both up to our bedroom - we needed privacy to discuss this family issue. Once the door is locked she wraps her arms around me and breaks down - I hold her as her sobs escape her trembling body.

I pull her up in my arms and lay us both down on the bed - she instantly lies on top of me; hiding her face in the crook of my neck. I wrap my arms around her, holding her tightly - because I know she's in need of some type of affection.

"I know.. I-I know.. I messed u-up" She cries, her body is clinging onto me - even in the mist of this madness I smile; I smile because both of my girls are in need of comfort - and they can only get it from me. I love holding Cheryl like this, I love it when she's in a clinging disposition - it shows just how much she loves and needs me.

"We'll all talk it out when she's up" I speak gently, I wasn't going to scream or shout at her - no, I was going to hold her until she was satisfied. I missed holding her like this - during my pregnancy she wasn't able to lie fully on me; this was nice. She places kisses against my neck and whispers 'I'm sorry's' into my ear - she was more like Julie than she would ever know.

"No more tears" I say, lifting her head out of my neck and kissing her lovingly - she needed to feel loved in this moment. Cheryl was fragile and innocent - she was like a child in someway; after all these years I was still teaching her the meaning of love.

"Don't stop kissing us" She whimpers, I place my lips back against hers - flipping her over gently; she lies beneath me, her hands clasped around my neck. She didn't want to stop kissing and I wasn't going to stop - she needed me in this moment. So I kissed her, I kissed her with so much passion and love being conveyed into this tender kiss.

Our tongues swirling in a slow rhythm, we weren't rushing - it was a kiss that could only be given to the one you were madly in love with. Slow and loving - it was like a breeze blowing through the windows on a summers day. My fingers rack through her hair softly, we were like two love sick teenagers making out behind closed doors - away from everyone.

"I love you" I murmur against her petal like lips - they were so soft and addicting; I couldn't get enough

"Teach us.. Teach us how to be caring like you" She whispered, my eyes open to be met by vulnerable brown orbs

"You're caring babe.. You're more caring than you will ever know" I place a chaste kiss against her lips - our foreheads connect naturally, we couldn't look away from each other

"I'm not" Her voice is cracking, and I can see she's getting upset once again

"No tears, no more" I shake my head, leaning in against for another passionate kiss - because I loved nothing more than kissing those lips; the lips that belonged to me.

**
Julie's POV

I could hear my family members arguing in the front room - I didn't want to get into it, I had caused enough trouble today as it was. I could hear Nana Joan defending me - my parents voice making me straighten up and pay close attention to every single word echoing against the walls.

"You don't fcking say we don't know how to raise her!" I've never heard Mum's voice being laced with so much anger and venom - she was pissed and she was letting her voice be heard.

"We are here for a family Christmas gathering! Now I suggest you guys start fcking acting Christmassy and cheery!" I quickly lay back down, hearing her make her way into the sitting room - she's muttering curse words under her breath. Her eyes connect with mine and her scowl soon turns into a soft smile.

"Have a good nap?" She asks, Mam following her close behind - they both took it upon themselves to sit me up and take their seats beside me. Sandwiching me in - I knew they wanted to talk

"Now.. Before I say anything, I just want to let you know that you're grounded" Mum began, her voice was calm - she wasn't angry and there was some sarcasm laced into it

"Agh.. It's not like... I didn't.." I had no valid argument, and as much as I wanted to be right and make them feel bad for me - I was completely blank

"You said you wouldn't smoke anymore! Why are you constantly doing it?!" She snapped, taking a different turn to it all - she went from being calm to biting my head off

"It's not that serious" I whispered, looking at nothing but my fingers that lay in my lap

"What are you going to do next? Shoot some drugs into you and say 'it's not that serious'!?" I knew she was upset, but I still didn't see the big deal in smoking

"Nana doesn't care! Why do you guys care so much?" I huffed, maybe I shouldn't have admitted that Nana was allowing me to smoke drugs around her

"MAM!" Mam shouted, storming out of the sitting room and returning with Nana in hand

"What has Julie been doing at yours? Aye!?" Mam was back at it, I looked at Nana giving her an apologetic look - she shook her head as she spoke to Mam

"Leave the poor girl alone! She's not doing anything wrong! If she wants to smoke some fcking weed then let her smoke it! It's not like she's going out to fcking God knows where and sniffing some crack!" Nana told her off, she came over to me and enveloped me into her - I clung onto her; she was going to make them understand

"Joan! You're not going to defend her with drugs! I will not allow her into this house if she's going to do that sh*t!" Mum hissed, she was furious - Mam was stood by her, both of them against Nana and I

"I'm not going to fight over this! I won't do it anymore!" I lied, I would see myself turning to a cannabis when I was feeling low and stressed

"Don't lie Julie! If I catch you doing that sh*t I will kick you out!" Mum warned me, Mam was nodding along with her - agreeing to every word she was saying

"I don't see the big deal in smoking it! I won't hide it from you" I argued, I really didn't see the problem in smoking a cannabis every now and then - it wasn't an addicting drug

"Julie" She warned me one last time - lips piercing together

"Fine" I huffed, throwing my hands in the air - I was sick of fighting. Christmas has yet to leave me with warm memories. It's the worst holiday of the year for me - every year is the same thing.

"Now.. Joan, do you mind leaving us to speak to her?" Mum asked, Nana gave me a kiss against the cheek whispering 'Don't tick her off' before walking back out of the room - leaving us alone once again

"I don't want problems.. Everyone is already giving their opinion's on our parenting.. So please, please Julie.. Best behavior?" Mum breathed, massaging her temples - easing a headache I was sure she had

"I didn't mean to.. Che and I.. we were just.. We just wanted a little fun" I shrugged, she sighed looking at Mam to say something - anything

"It's already enough Diane is waiting for something to happen.. We both know that she's just dying to say something" Mam turned to Mum, letting her thoughts out - she seemed to have been holding it in for sometime. When she was upset she'd clench her fists together - keeping her temper together

"You think I didn't know that?! That's why I need her to keep her sh*t together! I don't want to hear any snide remarks!" She turned back to me, her eyebrows furrowed together - her frown line on display; letting me know she was upset

"I'll be on my best behavior" I whispered, looking down to my feet - my fingers lacing together; looking like a good school girl

"Please" Mum pleaded

"Okay.. I promise"