Julie's POV

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Julie's POV

We just lay there on the kitchen floor for sometime - I was still feeling uneasy; I was staring off into the distance. Mam's arms never left my fragile body - holding me as close as possible. No sound to be heard, it was quiet - our breathing had calmed down, only the occasional hiccup surfacing into the tensed atmosphere.

"Let's go into the front room" She was speaking gently, the tone of voice had changed compared to the sick venom she would spit at me. She spoke to me like she was speaking to her Julie, her little girl. Her little girl was lost at the moment. When I didn't respond to her, she stood up and scooped me into her arms. She was a strong and tough woman for her size - and I was glad my Mam could still carry me like a little child

"Can I explain?" She asked, she sat down on the sofa with me still cradled in her arms - sinking into a comfortable position. I couldn't respond, my vocal chords were not reacting or taking action.

"I wanted to make you strong-" Her voice was thick, her eyes were forming fresh hot tears - I couldn't look at her, I couldn't watch her breakdown

"I wanted to make you into a t-tough girl, I don't like s-seeing you like this" She cried, her face was now a blur - my line of vision becoming into a foggy haze as my tears began to brim my waterline

"Y-You're just like them" I whispered, my voice was cracking - coming out in almost a squeak like tone. She was shaking her head in protest - I was trying to understand where she was coming from, trying to believe that she was only trying to toughen me up. I couldn't convince myself, all I could think about were her harsh and mean words.

"I'm not, I swear I'm not" She was trying to breathe properly, trying to stop the flow of tears plunging down her red cheeks - nothing was working. The tears and sobs had won, and here I was curled up in her lap watching her cry her heart out

"Did you mean it?" I asked, my hand shakily raising up to her cheeks - wiping her tears away. I couldn't take it; I couldn't watch Mam lose it in front of me

"I never did Bubba, I promise you I never did" She sniffed; I wrapped my arms around her neck - needing to be closer to her. We sunk down into the heavenly sofa, limbs and arms tangled up - she couldn't stop kissing me, and stroking my cheek. It's almost as if she couldn't believe I was back in her arms, allowing her to love me.

"Are you hungry?" She asked after a long silence - it wasn't awkward, it was nice.

"Y-Yeah" I stuttered, I was still a bit apprehensive with my replies - choosing them carefully. She stood up and took me along with her, her fingers lacing through mine as she led us through the dimly lit corridors - straight over to the kitchen

"I'll make you something" She sat me down onto the kitchen table, she was working fast - always keeping her eyes on me; maybe she thought I would disappear. She came back over with two turkey sandwiches' platted with a side of crisps and a pickle slice. I internally smiled at how she always remembered the pickle slice - she went back grabbing me a cold orange soda and taking the seat beside me, her arm wrapping around my waist as she watched me eat the meal she had prepared.

I felt vulnerable, weak and despicable; but I knew she loved me - her eyes said it all. Her eyes always gave away more than she intended to, and I loved her for that. I ate my food like a hungry animal that hadn't been fed for days - shoveling it and washing it down with the cold drink

"How about I sleep with you in your room tonight?" She proposed, she delicately placed a loose strand of hair behind my ear - placing a kiss against my temple

"I-If you want to" I shrugged, wiping my mouth with a napkin and placing it onto my empty plate. We walked back up to my bedroom, abandoning the dirty dishes left on the kitchen counter - walking into the darkened halls and over to my bedroom. She was clinging to me, and I wasn't complaining - I had missed her love, her gentle touches and cuddles. I had missed all of her motherly love.

"I'm sorry" She whispered into the darkness of my bedroom, cuddling me closer - her arms were wrapped around me securely; she was protecting me from my thoughts in someway. My thoughts were wandering back to my past, but her strong hold forced me to stay in reality.

**

Authors POV

It was a tough night for Cheryl; she had cursed herself for allowing herself to take it that far - she had put Julie in a state. She lie awake at night, never releasing her baby girl - because she had missed her with every ounce of her being.

She thought, she had been doing the right thing, 'toughening her up' she kicked herself mentally for even thinking that was a bright idea - Julie was more vulnerable than she had understood. The sound of a crying baby brings her out of her thoughts - she didn't want to let Julie go, but she didn't want Kimba to be doing this alone. She gave a lingering kiss to Julie and untangled herself from her sleeping daughter

"I've got her" Cheryl whispered to a knackered looking Kim, she took the baby out of the cot beside their bed and walked over the crying bundle to the rocking chair - it would be a first for Cheryl to breastfeed Isabella

"Shhh" She hushed, placing her bud against Isabella's crying lips - instantly getting a reaction, she had the overwhelming urge to cry. It was a special moment for Cheryl, she was never able to breastfeed Julie and right now this was making up for all the lost and neglected times she missed out with her first baby.

"You look just like your Mummy" She spoke in a quiet manner, tracing her finger along her beautiful baby girls face

"You're so beautiful" She watched little Bella fall back asleep with her hunger satisfied - she was a perfect little girl; but nobody would be perfect to Cheryl because nobody would amount to her Julie.

**

Julie's POV

I woke up to the feel of an empty bed, it was morning and I had nothing better to do but lie in. School was out of the picture for two weeks, and I was grateful for that - I was also most grateful for Dicmate. Yeah, Dicmate - he turned out to be alright at the end.

The morning sun was streaming through my blinds - the dusty ambiance shown through the yellow stream. I sighed, remembering yesterdays breakdown - I can't believe I attacked Mam like that; but the damn woman was asking for it.

I climbed out of bed and went into my ensuite to freshen up from my sleep, god I looked horrendous. My bruising had gone down - the purples and blacks had settled into greens and yellows. It was disgusting - I felt disgusting. I couldn't stare at myself for long, forcing myself to brush my teeth fast - and wash my face delicately.

How was I going to face Mam this morning? Everything felt so awkward from my end - maybe I had dreamt that last night happened. Lets get real Julie, your dreams aren't that realistic - although I beg to differ. Getting myself changed into fresh clothes, I decided now was better than anytime - I went downstairs finding both of my parents in the kitchen; baby Izo in Mum's arms being breastfed. That was a sight I'd have to get used to.

"Goodmorning" I smiled lightly, I walked over to Mum giving her a kiss against the cheek and I hesitantly did the same to Mam

"Sit here, I'll make you something to eat" Mam was being attentive this morning, working herself around me - she was trying to apologize in a more discreet way. I heard her apology last night - I chose not to reply; because I wasn't sure if I accepted it or not.

"Come sit here sweetheart" Mum patted the empty space beside her - my smile instantly coming back; a genuine smile.

"Have a good sleep?" She asked, her arm wrapping itself around my shoulders - drawing me into her

"Mhmm has Izo been good?" I asked, I got a chuckle out of Mum - I kissed baby's head gently, I was always scared of newborns because you always had to handle them with so much caution

"Izo?" She gave me a squeeze, placing a kiss on my head

"Yeah, Izo.. It's cute and small just like her" I cooed

"Well I quite like Bella, but you can call her whatever you like" She said, unwrapping her arm and re-adjusting her bra - hiding away her modesty

"What are you doing?" I asked, watching her lay Izo on her lap and tap her back gently

"She needs to burp" She said simply, I watched her with interest - she knew what she was doing. I guess all those books she had been reading during her pregnancy helped

"Julie.. Do you Erm.. Want to come with us to rehearsals? It's the last one before the X Factor final?" I found it adorable how flustered she was around me, she was like a teenager trying to fit in with the popular girls

"Sure" I was speaking to her in short answers - there was so much tension in the room; I didn't know how to break it

"Here's your breakfast, I'll just go and have a change" She placed the pancakes and walked out of the kitchen - I could tell Mum was waiting for her to leave

"So are you guys okay?" She asked straight away, I gave her a shrug - because I really didn't know if we were okay

"How are you feeling this morning?" I asked, needing to change the subject - we had better things to discuss

"My back hurts a bit, but I'm fine.. Wanna know something?" She had a grin plastered across her face, and I had a feeling she was going to say something out of my comfort zone

"Hmm?" I stuffed a forkful of sweet pancakes into my mouth waiting for her to continue

"I've never felt my vagina be so sore in my entire life! Did you know your period is practically a waterfall gushing out of you after giving birth" She was talking with her eyes wide - my mouth hangs open, still filled with my breakfast. Suddenly not very hungry anymore

"You can't even wear a damn tamponed! I'm wearing a diaper sized pad right now" She went on, I couldn't blink - my eyes were frozen and locked with hers

"Did you al-"

"Okay I'm ready.. What's the matter?" Mam asked, watching me closely as I sit there in complete shock

"Kimba! Have you told her about your after labor issues!? God damn it!"

**
Julie's POV

I was in awe of Mam, I sat there watching her mentor Lezly - the last of her girls. It's crazy to think that she might just win this - two more acts left and Lezly was one of them. Mel was here with her daughter Phoenix, she seemed like a cool girl - but definitely wouldn't see myself hanging out with her. She seems a bit.. Clingy?

She's sat next to me now, and she hasn't left my side from the moment we got her. I found it a bit odd, she didn't know me - yet she couldn't keep away

"So.. Must be cool that your Mom's Cheryl and all" To my surprise she had an American accent - all of Mel's daughters were born and raised in America

"Yeah.. Mel seems cool" I wasn't giving her much attention and all I wanted was for Mam to finish. Mam gave me a questioning glance - she must have noticed how uncomfortable I was, she spoke quickly to Lezly and made her way back over to the panel that we were occupying

"You okay?" She whispered in my ear - she was stood behind me, both her arms resting on the back of my seat

"How much longer?" I asked, I could feel Phoenix ease dropping on our conversation

"D-Do you want to go home?" Mam stammered, she would jump to conclusion that I didn't want to spend time with her - when truth be told, I did want to spend time with her

"No.. I erm-" I turned around giving Phoenix a polite smile in hopes she got the hint to scram. She turned her head away pretending to be interested in something else

"She's a little weird Mam.. Hurry up" I spoke to her in a hushed tone

"Come stand with us then" She took my hand pulling me out of my seat and walking us over to the side of the stage. She was stood behind me, her arms wrapping around my shoulders in a tight form as we watched Lezly rehearse. I was always happy in Mam's arms - but I was secretly enjoying the way she was fussing around me. Making up for being a total b*tch to me. So I let her, I let her baby me, spoil me and shower me with kisses and cuddles. I deserved it, I was deserving of every single ounce of attention she was currently giving me

"I love you, you know that right?" She whispered in my ear, I was choosing not reply to her 'I love you's' and 'I'm sorry's' because deep down I still didn't forgive her. How could I? She had reminded me so much of my past, so many of my scars had re-opened.

She must have sensed I wasn't going to reply, so she kissed my cheek a few times, and tightened her cuddle around me. Drawing me in as close as possible, I could tell she was sad that I didn't reply - that I had yet to accept her apology. I hope in time I will, and I hope to reply with 'I love you too Mam' I just hope.