It is sad when your boyfriend kisses you and you don’t feel a thing. It’s sad when you only want him to let you go. It’s so sad when you feel cheap and low when he kisses you. It’s heartbreaking when you know it’s not even true, that that kiss is a lie as everything else.

It sucks when he is so wasted he can barely stand or say something coherent and he drags you around a party, showing you off as if you were a trophy he just won. “Hey, this is my hot girlfriend!” “Hey, look at my girlfriend!” “Hey, she’s mine!” Never using my name, treating me just as a possession. It makes me feel so disgusted with myself and I feel ashamed. I want to go home and stay in the shower for hours, trying to forget this.

And he’s so drunk that even when the party is not over yet he has to go. Andrew sees him hanging from my neck, trying to stay on his feet but barely managing it.

“It’s time to go home, Payne,” Andrew says grabbing Liam’s other arm and passing it over his own shoulder. “You’re pissed,” he adds and I agree. Liam doesn't even speak, he only slurs.

“I’m fiiiiiine,” Liam slurs and I think he says that, I’m not sure.

“What?” Andrew asks and I know he didn't understand a thing of what Liam said. “Whatever, you’re going home.” Then the guy looks at me with an apologetic smile. He’s been drinking all night but he looks sober. Or at least, he looks like he knows what he is doing. “He won’t drive you home, that’s for sure. Do you need to call a taxi or something?” he asks me and I sigh.

I came here on my own, I’m not surprised that Liam won’t drive me home. That he’s so irresponsible as to get that drunk and forget about his girlfriend.

“I’ll be fine. Let’s just get him home,” I say and I realise too late that I should be the one taking Liam home and looking after him. That’s what girlfriends do, isn’t it? But I don’t even know where he lives.

Andrew doesn’t seem to notice that and maybe that’s the alcohol in his system, so I’m thankful. Still, I help him to get Liam outside where paparazzi are still waiting —are you kidding me? It’s been hours!—and get him in the taxi we called. Andrew gives the driver the address and then looks at me and I know what he’s thinking so without a word I get inside.

“I’ll call you when I get him home, don’t worry,” I tell Andrew from inside and he nods.

Then we’re off, to Liam’s place and I have no idea how I’ll manage to get him inside. He’s barely awake and I sigh because he’s literally resting on my lap. I place my hand on his forehead because I don’t know what else to do. Liam sighs and that tells me he appreciates the gesture. As the driver keeps doing his job, I ruffle Liam’s hair softly, like I’m barely touching it. Liam sighs and moves getting more comfortable. I hope he doesn’t fall asleep. His hair is so soft that I’m surprised and I barely notice how my anger fades away a little bit. Just a little. When the driver stops and tells us we’ve arrived I notice Liam did fall asleep and I get furious again. This wasn’t part of the deal!

I thank the driver and pay, with Liam’s money because this is his fault. Then I wake him up—or try to—and drag him to the building. Once we walk past the doors, with Liam literally hanging from my neck again, the caretaker of the building rushes to help me.

“Mr Payne!” he exclaims grabbing Liam’s other arm like Andrew did before. “Miss,” he greets me.

“Hi, I’m Belle. We were at a party, he got carried away. Can you help me take him to his room?” I ask him and he nods so we walk to the lift and he presses the number eight on the lift wall. Once the doors open we keep carrying Liam to his flat and I have to search in his pocket for the key. Oh God, how did I end up here?

I find the key and open the door to lead Liam inside. The caretaker helps me to get him in his room and Liam literally falls on top of his bed. “Thank you,” I tell the man and tip him for his help, then he leaves and I’m alone with Liam.

I take a deep breath and take off his shoes, the jacket and shirt and even his trousers, just leaving him in his boxers and a white t-shirt he was wearing under. I manage to get him under the covers and by the time I’m done, he’s sound asleep.

“I hope you have a terrible headache tomorrow,” I say panting. This whole thing was a workout.

I look around noticing how big this flat is and how… empty it feels. It’s cold and sterile and I’m surprised. It’s greatly decorated but I can tell someone was hired to do it, this doesn’t have Liam’s essence. His room doesn’t feel like Liam’s, or like anyone’s.

Outside it’s the same. All big and fancy and modern, but nothing feels like home and I feel sorry for him for a second. Just a second. Then I shake my head and look for the kitchen, fill a glass with water and leave it on his nightstand. Then I go to his bathroom and look for aspirins, or something for the headache he will have in the morning. I find nothing, so I just leave the water and make sure he hasn’t puked or something. He’s still sleeping. I position his head in an awkward angle just in case he pukes when I’m not around, that way he won’t drown in his own vomit.

I leave his apartment after I call for a taxi for myself. It’s past five in the morning and I’m exhausted. I just want to sleep and forget all this happened.

I’m dozing off and by the time I’m home, it’s almost six a.m. and Dad is getting up. I don’t know why he always does that. It’s Saturday, he doesn’t have to go work that early. Yet he does. He’s a mess in many things, but he’s responsible and punctual.

“Belle!” he chirps when he sees me. “I thought you were in bed sleeping. That was a big party, uh?” he says kissing my cheek.

“It was, Dad,” I tell him taking off my shoes. “It was fun,” I add.

“How was Liam? Did he drive you home? I hope so,” he says and I flinch.

“Of course he did, Dad,” I lie to him because I don’t want him to feel bad for the things I have to endure. I know it’s actually his fault because he pushed me into this, but why making him miserable, too?

“I’m so sorry you’re in this. I’m sorry he’s not a good boy, Belle,” he says and I can see the sorrow in his eyes, the shame and I know I can only keep lying.

“He’s not that bad, Dad. He’s actually nice when you get to know him,” I lie and I feel sick with myself. “We had fun and his friends are great!” I say more animated next because I think of Andrew and I smile. He was indeed so nice. I wonder how he and Liam can be friends. “I met loads of people.”

Dad looks at me not sure whether to believe me or not, but he knows I don’t lie. Except for now.

“You made friends?” he asks me and I smile.

He’s always been worried because I don’t have friends. To be honest, he worries about that more than I do. I don’t care, I’m okay on my own. I don’t need friends or even trying to make friends who will only frustrate me because they can’t keep up. Plus, I’m too busy trying to make ends meet to make and keep friends. Plus, I have school and many kids to look after and now all this drama with a popstar. And it’s just beginning.

“You could say that,” I accept. “I got along with Liam’s friends, but that’s what they are, his friends,” I remind him and he nods. “He introduced me to everybody!” I say, faking excitement. “It was funny, he couldn’t stop saying I was his girlfriend,” I laugh although I don’t find it amusing at all, I think it’s denigrating. “Like he was so proud of that.”

“That’s good, Belle. He has to treat you right,” Dad says and I nod. “Anyway, go and sleep. Get rest. I have to go to the studio to meet this girl and start working. You know, typical meetings.”

“So early?” I ask and he nods.

“You know me, I like to be early and make sure everything is all right. You sleep, things will be fine,” he assures me and then approaches to give me kiss on my forehead.

After that I go to my room and let him get ready for work. I take off the dress and get ready for bed. I’m dead on my feet, but before I go to sleep I text Andrew. Good thing he gave me his number at some point of the party.

          I left him sleeping ‘cos I had to go back. He was okay. No one died —Belle

Soon I receive a reply in which he thanks me for taking care of his friend. I’m still surprised they are friends and I remember all the things Andrew told me about Liam during the party. It’s hard to believe Liam wasn’t always like this.

I decide to do some research on Liam, to know exactly what I’m dealing with. So I type his name and start to read every article I find but I try not to read many from the media. I don’t trust those. But still, I can see Liam’s been the protagonist of many, way too many scandals.

Instead, I look for videos of old interviews and I’m surprised by all the changes in his image. He really looked like a good boy, nice and clean. Like the kind of boy any parent would love their daughters to date. In his old interviews he’s always polite and a bit dorky. He laughs a lot and talks a lot. I also see his other band mates and you can see how at the beginning they were just being carried away. They looked so nervous but then, as time goes by, you can see how they get comfortable with what they are doing and who they are. From boys to men, you can see that transition in the interviews.

I don’t focus on what they answer but on how they answer and the difference between the Liam in those interviews with the Liam I’ve met is humongous.

I try to look for the moment when he started to change and it’s not hard to find. It was during the last year when they all realised they’ve grown up. When they started to make everyone know they weren’t teenagers anymore and they were here to stay. I notice he started to change the moment he noticed he didn’t look like a good boy anymore. When fame got to his head. When he realised he was hot and started to wear that.

The boy he once was has completely disappeared. If you see the other members you can still say they are the same boys. They have changed, but they haven’t become someone different. Liam… Liam is someone new, a total different person and I can’t conceive the two of them as one. Past Liam is not Today Liam. The one from the beginning of his career would’ve never forced a girl to be his girlfriend, he would’ve never asked for a fake one.

I’m sad I didn’t meet that Liam and that I’m stuck with this jerk.

When I decide it’s enough of watching old interviews I realise its eight a.m. and I can barely keep my eyes open. I get comfortable in bed and try to forget everything about Liam. He changed, he’s nothing like the good guy he once was but there’s nothing I can do about it but to keep going. To finish this deal.

In six months I’ll be free.

And with that thought I fall asleep, hoping I won’t have to deal with Liam for the rest of the weekend or week or ever. A girl can dream, right?

-:-:-

I hope you liked it (:

Bel, xx