I have a horrible time picking out a dress because whenever I try one on, I can only think about whether Liam would like it or not and that’s the most pathetic thing ever. I didn’t do this when we were together but I do it now, even when I’m expecting we won’t even have to see each other.

I talked to Ruth again, requesting her to put me in the farthest table from Liam and it wasn’t that easy to convince her.

“But don’t you need to be close in case he starts drinking too much so you can stop him?” she questioned me and she made total sense. That was the most logical option, but I didn’t trust myself to be near Liam.

“I’ll keep an eye on him, but I’m hoping for the best. If things look suspicious, I’ll be by his side in the blink of an eye, but I rather not disturb him unless it’s extremely necessary to intervene,” I explained, hoping she would see the reason behind my argument.

“But can you even keep an eye on him if you’ll be at the farthest table? We have many guests, Belle. You won’t even see him if I put you there,” she explained and I felt like I was losing my battle.

“Ruth, please. I don’t even think I can be that near him and enjoy the party,” I tried begging next and I heard her sigh.

“What about a few tables away?” she conceded. “Not next to him but far enough to allow you to still have a glimpse of him. And where I can see you, as well, in case I need you.”

It wasn’t what I wanted, but it was better than anything else, so I agreed. “That works well, I guess. Thank you, Ruth.”

So I’m trying to keep all the necessary measures to avoid Liam, yet I’m still hoping he’d like my dress.

“What about this one?” Havi asks out loud, making me come back to the present instead of my conflictive thoughts. She’s showing me a dress that has red skirt, whit tope and like black laces around the waist. It’s knee length and it is tight. It looks very lovely.

“You always find the dress, Havi,” I tell her, taking the dress she’s offering.

I felt so desperate when I knew I had to pick a new dress that I called Havi because she helped me every other opportunity and I trusted her. The only difference this time is that she’s doing this as a friend, helping me because she’s aware of how difficult this is for me.

“I’m sure you’ll look lovely in this one, Belle,” she says with a smile and Ariel, who’s standing next to her nods enthusiastically.

I also invited the singer because I felt bad for ignoring her for so long. Plus, I thought that maybe seeing her would also remind me that I made the right choice when I accepted being Liam’s girlfriend, because she and my father are doing great. They have finished the album and are now working on the final touches and setting a date for the release. It won’t happen for a few months though. They have to release another single, maybe an EP and make the music videos so they can create a fan base before the album release. I’m sure it’ll do great. I listened to it and loved every single track. They did an amazing job. My favourite song, however, is one that didn’t make it to the album because obvious reasons. It was in collaboration with Harry and it’s just lovely. So sweet and loving and their voices just merge so well, in a perfect harmony that works as evidence of why they are together. It’s a pity that song didn’t make it to the album, but due to the fact she’s my friend and my father is her producer, I do have a copy of the track that I’ll never share with anyone, as I promised I wouldn’t.

I come out from the dressing room when I’m done to show the dress to my friends and they both clap in approval.

“You look beautiful,” Ariel says excitedly and I smile happily.

“Beautiful, indeed, Belle. It’s like it was made for you. Liam will—” Havi cuts herself off before finishing that sentence and I lose my smile.

I look at my reflection in the mirror and even if I love the dress I can only imagine Liam, picking me up and giving me one of his appreciative looks, devouring me with his eyes then grabbing me from the hips and pulling me against him until our bodies collide before his lips go to meet mine in a hungry kiss. Then he pulls back and with a smirk that makes my heart flutter he would say, “You look great, Belle.” And I would say the same because he would look amazing, too, in a tailored suit. I would play with the buttons of his jacket, tempting him and sensing his body react in the way he would hold me tighter.

I shake my head to shoo the ghosts of fantasies that won’t happen.

“Belle… are you sure it’s for the best that you two broke up?” Ariel asks and I turn away from the reflection in the mirror to look at the girl.

“It’s what Simon asked me to do,” I fight my case.

“Yeah, but Liam is not doing well. It’s like he went back right to what he was before and this time he won’t ask for a girlfriend,” Havi intervenes. “And even if he did, she wouldn’t be you and it wouldn’t be the same.”

“He needs to be single,” I try again, looking away because I don’t feel sure enough.

“The media needs to think he’s single. The fans need to think he’s single. That doesn’t mean he has to be single,” Ariel contributes to the conversation, making me feel weaker. “Everyone thinks Harry is single, but he’s with me.”

I can’t hear this now, I can’t begin to flag now, I need to stay strong and keep my decision. I made up my mind, I can’t just forget about that and what I agreed to because I miss him now or because it’s been difficult.

“Yeah… but I’m tired of lying, Ariel. I don’t want such a complicated relationship,” I say although that’s not even the full reason but in part it is.

I am tired of the lies and deceiving people. I’m tired of pretending. First it was pretending I was with Liam, now it would be pretending I’m not with him. Can’t we just stop that? I prefer being just truthfully away from him. No more lies, no more deception.

“I guess it’s your choice at the end, we can’t force you otherwise. However, think about it, Belle. Maybe being apart is not for the best, on the contrary,” Havi ponders and I heave a sigh because of course I’ve thought about this before, but I never come up with the right answer.

No matter how I look at it, there’s always something wrong and I fail to see which course of action is the best, so I end up sticking to what I already decided. To what was decided for us.

“I’ll take this dress,” I change the topic and I see Havi and Ariel giving up, which is better because I can’t take this anymore. My head is a mess and my heart is in a worse state. I need all the calm I can get.

So I buy the dress and just wait for Saturday to come. On that day I use Dad’s car and drive to Wolverhampton with enough time to get there to the ceremony. I won’t stay overnight because once it’s over, once the newlyweds leave for their honeymoon, I’ll also leave back to London, hopefully without meeting Liam. I was going to get changed, but then realised the dress would get wrinkled after driving so I’m taking it with me and changing once I arrive to the church. I have my hair and makeup ready and I’ll just have to retouch it there. I don’t want to stand out so I need to be careful. If I look disarranged somehow I’ll catch people’s attention and maybe Liam’s and I’d rather not do that.

Once I’m finally in Wolverhampton and I’ve found the church, I juggle in the back of the car to get inside my dress and then make sure my hair and makeup are okay. I change my shoes and shove all my other discarded clothes in the car boot. Once outside, I take a deep breath and wait for a group of people to approach the church to blend with them, walking with my head low and hoping my hair can hide me. Since I broke up with Liam, I got my hair cut shoulder length with a fringe because I needed a change and because that way maybe Liam wouldn’t recognise me if he saw me.

I make it inside the church without a problem, completely unnoticed and I don’t even see Liam. After a while I get distracted seeing a deliriously happy Ruth and a too-happy-to-contain Arthur. I smile because after all that’s happened, they are finally getting married.

The ceremony is over and I stay behind whilst everyone goes outside to celebrate the newlyweds. And then off they go, to the reception party. I just follow them, the lump in my throat growing heavier and thicker and by the time I make it to the party, I can barely breathe.

I don’t think I can make it inside. I’m shaking. But I promised Ruth and I want them to stay this happy. Then again, even seeing them like that is difficult for me.

I take a deep breath and I will myself to go inside, with everyone else who seems to already be having fun. There’s music and waiters wandering from side to side, offering drinks just like in the rehearsal dinner party I went to. I guess that one wasn’t just for nothing at the end and I feel relieved about that. At least not all went horribly wrong that day.

I’m offered champagne, but I refuse and instead I just grab a glass of juice. I’ll be driving back tonight and I think I should be drinking coffee instead, just to make sure I won’t fall asleep and kill myself in an accident. I wander around, looking for the Paynes, Liam included, just to know where he is but I can’t find him. Instead I run into Karen and Geoff who greet me so happily. So does Nicola and then I see Ruth and her husband, Arthur, who are so happy to see me. I give them my congratulations and wish them for a bright future together. We keep a casual conversation for a while, small chat, basically about the ceremony and how lovely it was and how the party seems to be going flawlessly. After about ten minutes I decide I’ve exposed myself enough and decide to go back to the shadows.

“I’ll stop monopolising you, so have a great time. Keep looking great!” I tell them and Ruth gives me a last hug.

“Thank you for coming, Belle. I know it’s hard, so I really appreciate it,” she whispers in my ear and I just hug her back before stepping back.

“My pleasure,” I tell her and we smile at each other, holding hands before we break all contact and I turn around to walk away, but I didn’t know someone was behind and I literally bump into him, his drink spilling over me. Luckily, he was almost done with it so it’s just a few drops, nothing to cause a fuss about.

“I’m sorry,” I mumble brushing the drops way, trying to hide the damage.

“Belle?” I hear instead of an apology and I look up just to meet Liam’s eyes watching me with surprise, disbelief and utter shock “W-what are you doing here?” he asks and I notice his eyes are a bit bloodshot, his breath smells like alcohol, which tells me he’s been drinking although he looks very much sober now. Maybe the surprise sobered him up.

“Ruth invited me,” I say with a smile that feels as fake the special effects of a B-class film. “She insisted quite a lot actually.”

“I didn’t know… I…”

“I asked her not to tell you,” I cut him off. “I thought we maybe wouldn’t even run into each other here. I guess I was wrong. Anyhow,” I keep rambling, taking advantage of his surprise. “I’ll get going now. See you around!” I bid goodbye and run before he can say anything else or stop me. I don’t give him time to recover from the surprise and I just run with a heart beating like a wild horse, a lump that’s choking me and shaky hands that I wrap around myself, fighting to keep me together.

No matter how many times I imagined I could meet Liam here, nothing could prepare me for all that I felt the moment I met his eyes. Oh dear Lord, someone, please help me.

-:-:-

You almost made it but it's okay, you were patient and now I'll reward you. I'll update DAILY until the end. Plus, I start my two new stories on Sunday (March 1st) Did you add them to your libraries? 

-Unseen
-It's Just Ann

Both have the prologues up and I hope you are as excited as I am.

Bel, xx

PS: picture of the dress on the multimedia.