Time passes by faster than I could’ve ever imagined. It’s like as I’m so aware of my time with Liam running out this is slipping through my fingers and I can’t stop it. And it terrifies me because I don’t know what it’s going to happen. I know what I feel for Liam, I couldn’t stop it before it was too late and now I’m in this hole. If I hadn’t developed feelings for him I wouldn’t be in this predicament now. And no matter how I feel about him, the whole contract and the lies are still as conflictive as when I didn’t accept my feelings for him.

In a blink of an eye, Christmas and New Year pass by and Liam continues on tour. We still talk every day. He keeps sending me books, some that we didn’t even buy together but that I actually wanted to read, which makes me suspect he stalks my Goodreads account. He hasn’t had a break since the Holidays so I’ve gone to meet him in some cities. So far I’ve visited him in Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam, Berlin, and Prague. I was drooling in the last one and so happy that I couldn’t stop giggling and kissing Liam for taking me there. That was our mushiest weekend, and that happened two weeks ago. We’ve been so great together, having fun and completely oblivious to the contract, except when I’m on my own and I look at the calendar, knowing how little left we have of this show.

After being with Liam I understand why some actors end up dating after pretending to be lovers for so long as the shoot the film or anything else. Confusing real life and pretence is so easy when you do it for a long period of time and at some point it’s not even pretending anymore. I should’ve been more careful, I should’ve been colder to him, but not there’s no way to fix that. The contract ends in one month and I keep falling for Liam.

What am I supposed to do?

“Belle, you’ve done such a wonderful job,” Simon tells me walking by my side after running into him on my way to met Dad and Ariel. “Your father was so right at suggesting you for this job. You definitely brought Liam back and we’re all grateful.”

I don’t know what to say because I know I wasn’t the one who brought him back. Maybe I was the one who yelled at him constantly until he decided to stop being a jerk and take control of his own attitude. I think it was mostly when he realised what he did to his family.

“And are you happy? In one month you’ll be back to your life without having to deal with paparazzi and dating a celebrity. You must be tired,” he continues and I shrug.

I only see paparazzi when I’m with Liam and it isn’t that bad. We just smile politely, let them get some pictures and then ignore them as we continue our date. Liam tells me that if he ever took me to The States it would be different. As the showbiz is more massive there, paparazzi are more ruthless.

When I’m not with Liam I encounter fans and they are fairly nice. Sometimes they ask to take a picture, sometimes they just ask me to tell Liam that they love him, and I do. So I haven’t had such a bad time and it’s not like I pay any attention, though. I don’t have time to spend on the Internet, which is where the worst kind hide, so I don’t have to deal with haters. I also don’t even bother reading the articles about us or whatever someone else is saying. I just listen to Havi’s reports and these are never hurtful. So all in all, the only problem at first was Liam and now that we’ve finally found common ground, that’s not an issue. Yet at the same time, that’s exactly the issue.

“Yeah, back to my old life,” I mumble and Simon pats my back.

“We know it’s been a burden for you, but you’ve done really well and it’ll be over soon. You won’t have to see Liam again.”

Those words would’ve sounded so sweet five months ago. Hell, four months ago I would’ve cried of sheer relief after hearing those. But now? Now they hurt and I have to press my lips together to keep myself from saying something I shouldn’t in front of the CEO. In one month I won’t have a reason to see Liam again, it’ll be over. What forced us to be together will disappear. It would become a choice, a choice that makes me uneasy due to our previous history.

“Belle,” Simon calls after a few seconds. “However, I think Liam is growing very fond of you, maybe, too much. Maybe you should try to put some distance, to prepare him for the breakup. We’ve talked about what would be good for his image and the band with his management group. With Zayn married, Louis in such a stable relationship, it would be good if Liam stays single for a while. Harry is with Ariel, but they keep that secret so we don’t have a problem there yet, but the fans need to think of them as reachable. Especially for their upcoming album. Zayn’s marriage has affected their popularity, it has made them grow up in the eyes of the fans even if it’s only one that is married. We don’t want them to lose their teenager fans for those are the most… dedicated.” Which means, the ones that provide more profit to the band, I can understand that.

I blink in surprise because he’s telling me this. I’m not even sure why he’s telling me this. Could he know of my real feelings for Liam?

“I don’t know how you feel about him, but if he asks you to be his real girlfriend after the contract is over, I would ask you to refuse. Please. I know you’re a very professional person and you know that when the contract is over, all this charade is over, too. But Liam is not like you, he might like to continue. So for his own sake and his career, refuse him if he requests for this.” He looks at me concerned but seriously, and I understand his request. I can even see the logic behind, very business-like, but after all, One Direction is a business for him, nothing else.

“I-I understand,” I say, realising that no matter how conflictive our uncertain future with Liam is for me, the decision has been made already for us. “Don’t worry. I’ve grown fond of him, I’ll look after his career.”

“Thank you very much, Belle. You were the best option we could’ve ever found for Liam.”

So now I know I have to pull away from Liam. To prepare him and myself for our imminent breakup in a month. All the cuddles, kisses and sweet gestures need to stop. It has to be pretence again instead of something real. It’s the best, after all. The right course of action considering the kind of situation we’re in. This was never meant to be real so there’s no point fighting against the natural course.

Then it’s settled. I have to build back the walls between us, just that this time it’ll be really hard.

•••

One Direction finally has a break from the European tour in mid February, for Valentine’s Day which makes me wonder if Zayn, Louis and Harry did something there to make fit their break with the sappy date. Maybe even Liam had something to do there.

Wow… how would the fans react if they knew that actually only Niall is single? I see why Simon is worried. Harry and Ariel are a very stable item, a couple you see and you know they’ll get married and spend all their lives together with like ten children. It’s like they have that written on their foreheads, so at some point their relationship will be exposed and Simon probably doesn’t think the secret will remain as such for too long. So of course he knows he has to keep Liam single for as long as he can.

Yes, I really see the logic behind Simon’s request and I’ve hold on to that to make my decision. I remember his request every time Liam calls me and asks me if I would like to do something special for Valentine’s Day.

“I really don’t mind, whatever you want. What’s better for you,” I say as coldly as I can. I even think about mentioning the contract and how we should put a show, but I don’t want to hurt him and I’m pretty sure those words would cause that.

“Are you okay? You sound off,” he questions next.

Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, which means I have to see him and I really don’t think I’m ready to face him. He came back two days ago, but I’ve managed to come up with excuses to avoid him. I can’t escape this day because it falls on a Saturday.

“Yes, just tired. I’ve had loads of work. I can barely keep myself awake,” I lie.

“Then get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything. Sweet dreams, Belle.”

“Goodnight, Liam,” I say and hang up before he can say something else. I sigh deeply, nervous about tomorrow and wary at the same time. I wish I could avoid seeing him because I don’t feel determined enough to carry on with what I must, but I can’t. It’s part of my job, after all.

I go to my bed even if I’m not tired. I don’t even think I’ll sleep, but I don’t know what else to do. The little present on my nightstand catches my eye and I sigh again. I actually had a lot of trouble thinking of a present for him. I got him a pocket watch and yes, I’m aware he would never wear it, I even thought of just getting him a normal wrist watch as he likes those that much, but then I wanted to give him something different, something that no one else would give him. At the same time, it’s a present that if I don’t explain would be easily mistaken as if I don’t care enough to give him something he could really wear. And I don’t plan on explaining why I’m giving him that, I won’t tell him the meaning behind because I want him to believe I don’t care enough. This present will be another wall between us. And seeing it right now hurts me, so I turn around and try to sleep, but this evades me for hours. It’s pretty late when I actually fall asleep and it seems too soon when I have to wake up.

Liam will pick me to have dinner together so I still have time and I use that to cook for Dad, read a book and get ready later on. I’m shaking inside when I know Liam is about to arrive to pick me up. I jump when I hear the doorbell and for a second I think of hiding but then I shake my head. “I have to do this,” I tell myself and go to open the door, but my heart races when I see him, I actually feel like I have butterflies in my stomach and I want to slap myself mentally for being so childish.

“Hello, Belle. You look beautiful, per usual,” Liam greets leaning in for a short kiss. He looks gorgeous in a casual suit that takes my breath away.

“Thank you, Liam. You look great, too. Wanna come in or should we get going right now?” I ask and he checks his watch.

“We should get going. Do you have everything?” he asks so I hold my finger to tell him to wait and go for my coat and purse. The present is inside this one. Then I go back to him. “Let’s go, then,” he adds offering me his arm.

I take it and close the door behind me. I feel so awkward and tense and I notice Liam watching me from the corner of his eye a few times. Worry has started to show in his expression.

“Are you okay, Belle? Are you feeling all right?” he asks me after opening the door of his car for me, and then getting in the driver’s seat himself.

“Oh, I’m fine!” I lie. “I was…” I take a deep sigh. It’s better if I raise the walls now, right? If I allow myself another date with him ignoring the weight of reality on us, then it’ll get even harder. It’s like taking off a Band-Aid, better do it fast. “I was just thinking how time flies.”

“Oh yeah. We’re halfway done with the tour and after that it’s America,” he chuckles and I try to smile.

“I hope you have a great time there, too. But I meant it in the sense that it seems like we started all this yesterday but it’s been actually five months. Can you believe it?”

“It does feel like it was yesterday, although we’re not bickering all the time now. It’s great now, right?” he asks looking at me for a few seconds before focusing on the road ahead.

“It’s quite good now. We managed to make it work. And now we only have a month left. It seemed like such a long time when we began and now it’s almost over. It’s crazy,” I state and my voice feels strangled when I say that.

“Over?” he questions out loud and I gulp because I know what I have to say next, and I don’t want to say it.

“Yeah. In a month the contract will be over.” I turn to look at him, fighting to keep the smile on my lips. “In a month we won’t have to—” I stop myself before saying pretend because I can’t lie about that anymore. “To see each other anymore. It’ll be over between us.”

-:-:-

So it seems the fluff is over, eh? :D 

Bel, xx

PS: I'm back home!! I have wifi again *sobs* so yeah, now I can reply messages and you can always contact me on twitter @BelWatson