~Jade~

No matter what anyone said, I always knew what to do. I was strong and confident, but then I realised we're only humans. There's a limit to what we can do, there's so much unfairness in this world that many tend to overlook, so much hatred that cannot be dissolved. I tried to do my best, I tried so hard on my own, yet I failed. Is it okay to be egoistic? Is it okay to receive help for an impossible task?

I asked my best friend Tess, "Is it really okay to selfishly drag you down?"

"No. What did you think?" I choked on my saliva, this reply is so unlike her. "You didn't even give me a choice. Why do you get to decide that it'll be dragging me down?"

Straightening my back to have a more comfortable position, I gave in to her lecture, "You're right, you always make the better decisions, although you're a terrible persuader. But still I was afraid, for the bad choices I make you're always the one who end up getting hurt the most. So this time I tried leaving you out of this mess."

Thinking back, that time when I slipped on the branch of the white oak tree in our elementary school, was an example of a bad choice. Tess said I was being stupid, just because some boys said that girls can't climb on trees. As usual I didn't listen to her and she was right. It was a dumb act, I was trying to prove myself and crept up the lowest, but thinnest branch. I wanted Tess to make a picture, tried to hand over my phone to the mobile-less her. However, I'd put too much pressure on the front and the twig cracked. So I fell with my upper body on Tess. Her pink skirt was blown over her t-shirt, exposing the HelloKitty underwear. I might have broken a leg, but she had been a laughing stock for at least a week. Yeah, kids are mean, but fortunately they forget quickly. Still, I felt so bad about it that I never whined about the pain of my broken leg nor the itchiness of the cast.

Yet, this is not the same as that time, and she knows it too. I don't know how it will turn out, but I may as well spill the beans and get relieved from this concrete on my vocal cords.

I finally shared the secrets I dealt with, with my best friend, and with my mom. Poor mom, I shouldn't have made her worry so much. She worked for two ever since dad left us. Just like Tess said, I might have been selfish to block them out of my life. Maybe that hurt them even more.

I saw something I better didn't.

****
10/24

Monday, one week ago, I went to school early that day to replace some documents. To be honest, I was going to get back at our homeroom teacher Ms. Evergreen. She always picks on me and my phone has ended up in her hands more than I can count. As every sane soul knows, you can't attack teachers directly, it will get you deeper in the shit. So I chose the backdoor, and tried to embarrass her.

First I unlocked the teacher's room, I was able to make a copy of the key while I was on duty. Up to the real work. I glued the keyhole of the closet where she puts all her test papers. Then I replaced the mirror she frequently looks into by a version that makes the person look fat. And as a finishing touch, I swapped her red pencil by an identical one, but when writing with this one the ink will disappear after 5 minutes. I grinned satisfied. Perfect.
It seems lame, but this way she won't be able to punish anyone.

When I was ready to leave, I heard a loud thump in the room next door. Then a girl started shouting angrily, while another man was appeasing her. I recalled it was the principal's room, but I wondered what kind of student had so much power to yell at him.

I was just going to check it out. However, when I got nearer, I recognised the other voice, sweet and nagging. Instantly I could stick a face to it. The principal was talking to my classmate Penny. The mystery, however, was why they were together this early. Fuelled by my curiosity, I got near a door that separates the teachers' room and the other room and I quickly stared into the key hole. What I found out was at the same time disgusting, as well as intriguing.

They were on a sofa, he was playing with her hair and she was lying in his lap. I didn't know Penny could have that kind of expression. She always seemed bitchy and almighty, part of the reason Tess and I didn't like her. Yet, here she was just a vulnerable woman. In my eyes, they portrayed a beautiful sketch of a woman and man in love. A genuine art-piece that captivated my heart.

I wanted to draw this scenery. I wanted to take a photo. So I put my phone against the keyhole, waited for it to sharpen and clicked. Flash. There it was, my stupidity struck again.
The two lovebirds' attention shifted towards my direction. While Penny was putting her clothes on very quickly, Jones hurried towards the door in his underwear.

My movements were in chaos, following my thoughts. I was convinced that hiding wouldn't be useful, sure that they would look in every nook and cranny just to find the intruder. On top of this crisis, the fear of being busted was overwhelming me, to such a degree that I got thrilled. What's the worst thing that can happen to me?
So I did what I always do. I straightened my back and try to look defiant.

The door swung open.

"Surprise!" I tried. Yeah, it was of no help. The principal's face became that of a merciless killer. My attempt only aggravated his complexion. Luckily no slap, kick, or touch followed.

"Jade Emmet, what are you doing here," shouted Penny.

****

After the two lovers dressed themselves properly. Principal Jones gave me an offer.
"Jade, please keep our secret safe. I can give you anything in return. Didn't you like to draw?"

Surprised by this unthreatening bribery, I replied, "Yes I do, sir. More specifically my dream is to paint around the world."

His face immediately lightened up. "Well then, I can finance your scholarship at a well-known art school. Or perhaps you'd like some money for your future travels? Just see it as a gift to you." Yeah right. I stared at him. "Of course I thrust you'll delete that picture," he added.

I nodded.

At first I didn't plan to ask for anything, because I truly wanted to paint the scene.
Then I recalled my mom saying that she was going to take an additional job as investment for my future. But I knew better, she was facing some difficulties in her current job to the point that she will have to resign. I didn't want to wear her out more than she already was, so I went for the money.

Unexpectedly that gravely displeased Penny. She was shooting death glares when Jones was handing over a check.
Later I understood the reason.
She didn't think that I would be such a despicable person, peeping, taking a picture and asking for money. Honestly, these types of people would disgust me too. But yeah, poor people don't have that many choices.

****

After 7th period Penny approached me. "You need money?"

I shrugged. "What if I do?"

"I can give you another 100 dollars if you kiss me where everyone can see us," she smirked.

At the time, I was driven by the thrill. I didn't think too much about it and accepted her proposal.

However, after the kiss Penny whispered to me, "You dirty little money whore, you do everything for a few pennies." She scoffed and left the scene.

If I was like that in that bitches' eyes, how much worse would it be in the eyes of the people I care about? My pride was hurt and I started hating myself.
Moreover, I took that anger out on Tess. I was so pathetic.

****
10/25

The next day I was convinced that I didn't deserve to be friends with Tess. As Tess was too good a person, she wouldn't give up that easily. That's why I tried to be more dislikable, by exposing her weaknesses in front of the whole class. To let her see that this was the type of person I was, an inconsiderate peeping money whore.

After class, Penny wanted to talk in private.
"What's the matter?" I asked.

She kept her voice low. "Have you said anything to your friend?"

I frowned. "No, why?"

"Your behaviour today is so suspicious. So don't you dare tell..."

I cut her off, "I always keep my promises, so DON'T you dare to mess with her."

"I won't, but just so you know, I cannot promise you anything if my secret is exposed."

****
10/26

It's been a while since Tess and I talked, so I was planning to meet her during lunch. I got over my little complex and realised it was also unfair to Tess that I suddenly changed my behaviour and attacked her without any proper reason. To reassure her that she didn't do anything wrong, I had to meet up with her.

I was determined until I heard a conversation.

"Are you and Jade together?" a blonde guy in leather jacket asked Tess.

"Eww disgusting," Tess replied. At the time I was not rational, my brain was constantly making shortcuts and misinterpreted the correct meaning behind his' and Tess' words.

Instantly, I was amidst a spiral of negative thoughts. Hurt because I knew I didn't deserve her. I was a parasite in Tess' life. Because of me she was wrongly accused of being a lesbian. There were absolutely no merits in being friends with me.

Defeated, I went to the teacher's room to check out my prank, maybe it could brighten my day. Again, I heard something in the other room. It was camouflaged by the principal's and some other girl's voice. The more I focused, the more the noise sounded like a rhythmic cracking of the couch. I could only relate one act to that.

That's when I should have stopped and returned to class, but NO I was stupid, I made the same mistake twice. My stupid sense of justice.

This despicable principal, ruining the life of one girl was apparently not enough for him. His crimes could not be left like that. Someone had to take care of him. Driven by adrenaline, I once again looked through the keyhole, but this time it was blocked.

So I decided to go through the front door. Of course the door was locked, but my adrenaline didn't wear off. That's why I knocked.

Jones opened the door faster than I thought he would. Apparently, he knew it was me, thanks to his newly installed surveillance cameras.
A same-aged girl hurriedly wore her shoes and left his office.

"Jade, what a surprise. Have your parents never taught you this proverb?" Principal Jones pulled me inside and locked the door before I had the chance to react.

"Curiosity killed the cat."

****

Jones raped me, and stuffed some more money in my bag. At that moment I realised I lost everything. My pride, my friend, and my virginity. And I could do nothing; I could only run away.

Upon arriving home, I checked my text messages out of habit.

Can't find you :( heading back to class. Meet up after school? T xx

Tess, what should I do? Now I really became a dirty money whore. I didn't have the courage to see her, so instead I texted her,

Sorry, I can't, have something urgent to do. J xx

Then I went upstairs, tossed my bag in the corner and I broke down.

****
10/27

Even though I felt miserable, I still tried going to school. After all I didn't want my mom to worry about me. But eventually, I was not able to suppress the fear, sadness and loathing and quit after half a day.

****
10/28

Today I lasted throughout a whole day of school. It was not easy, because every moment of it I was tormented by the vivid memories of that day. The only way to free my mind was to run away from this place. I was heading towards the exit, until Penny grabbed me by the arm.

She impatiently interrogated me, "Yesterday someone told me that on Wednesday you were spotted going into the principal's office. And someone else told me you only went home after Math class was over. However you didn't appear during the time in between, neither in class, nor in the cafeteria. So where were you all this time?"

I wanted to ignore Penny, but at the same time I should tell her about the horrible deeds that her 'boyfriend' had committed.

"Penny, I have to talk to you." I looked around. There were still many kids hanging around the lockers. I couldn't risk being heard. "Somewhere private."

Penny picked up my intention, "Follow me, do you mind if my friends tag along?" She eyed in the direction of a group of high schoolers.

"Yes." What are you up to, Penny?

"Too bad, they were first."

Bitch.

Still I put up with it, I just had to warn her for the principal. That's all. After that she can figure it out on her own.

However, I didn't expect Tess to run into us.

"Hi guys, you going somewhere?" Tess asked.

If the atmosphere wasn't awkward enough, her appearance made it worse.

"Jade, so you hang around with these friends now?"

I still couldn't face Tess. For a moment I even lost my ability to speak.

Instead Penny answered. "We're going for a weekend. And it's going to be awesome!" I rolled my eyes at her fake enthusiasm.

"So this is what keeps you busy lately... Have fun then," Tess finally retreated.

Her last sentence reminded me of her upcoming race. I tried my hardest to look into her eyes and smile. "Tess, good luck with preparing for the race." This was the least I could do as a former friend.

When we all stepped into the car, I went straight to business. "Did you know Jones is fucking other girls than you?"

"Yes."

I couldn't believe it. Why did she tolerate that?

"That's why I hated you even more when you accepted the money. Because I had one more potential rival." This is crazy. I did my duty, it's time to leave. "Start the car," Penny commanded.

"No, stop it. My business is finished here." I tried moving to the car door, but the two high schoolers on either side of me pinned me down.

"You still haven't told me what you have done during that time."

"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked desperately and tears were welling up in my eyes pleading to be left free.

"Because I have to know!"

And then I just shouted it out, "Your boyfriend raped me!" It's not like she didn't expect it, but still I saw her complexion darken.

"You will pay for it," she glared at me from the passenger seat. Her movements so slow, it was as if the world had difficulties to breath and collapsed right in front of the finish line.

Just like me after a whole weekend of torture.

I was locked in a shed, bound on a chair, my mouth covered. I tried to break free, but after a while I just didn't have enough energy left. They didn't feed me for two days, and they only brought me some water. But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that I was left alone, in the dark. The fear, despair and hate all gnawing on me like rats eating a lollipop. And then finally I cried, and cried, and cried; pouring everything out all at once. There was so much agony and regret that it went over to sobbing. I sobbed so hard I had difficulties to breath and then, I blacked out.

****
10/31

When I came by, the sun blinded me for maybe 5 minutes. I was lying next to the road on the grass. God, I was free.

However, the wind blew and I noticed I was shivering. Who knows how long I have been disposed here. No, dumped, because I am trash.

I put my hands in my pocket to warm them up. That's when I felt an envelope. I opened it slowly, because I didn't have enough strength to tear it immediately. Then money fell out from it, hundreds, no thousands 100 dollar bills scattered on top of me. Something else was inside the envelope; a note. I read:

To Jade, money slut

Jones is mine! If you ever try to touch him again, you can imagine what will happen to you and your friend.
By the way don't fuss over our weekend. I hope this is enough money, or else try asking me for more. My friend is interested in you.

I was disgusted, infuriated. How dare she involve Tess! And bribe me to shut my mouth. I gathered all the money back in the envelope and tried to stand. My legs wobbled and I could barely steady myself. When I saw a bus stop, I tried to cross the streets as fast as I could, yet not fast enough. Because there was a car on the road driving double the speed limit. It hit me in the belly, so hard I flew into a parked car, which broke my fall.

________
So finally I completed Jade's part of the story. Stay tuned for the next and last chapter :D

Christine xx