Wednesday 10/26
I was going to meet Jade over lunch break. Contrary to what I normally do, I didn't text or call her about the walk with my crush yesterday. I was holding a grudge. Why did she get to know my stories when she didn't want to tell hers? It felt unfair. Nevertheless, I was never good at keeping things for myself, I had to share it or I would explode.

On the way to the canteen, a group of two girls and three guys surrounded me; unfamiliar faces.

"Are you and Jade together?" A guy with dirty blonde hair asked; he was the tallest of the group.

As usual I didn't think this through and just answered, "Eww, disgusting." At that time I wasn't aware at all that Jade overheard the conversation, and that it were the roots of misunderstandings. I tried to escape the circle, but the tall guy slammed me to a locker. Despite his skinny exterior, he was strong.

"You two are always next to each other. I wouldn't mind if you're lesbian, I've always wanted to kiss one." He brought his face closer, near enough to see his squinty grey eyes.

"Let me go!" He strengthened his grip, the pressure on my wrist was unbearable. I had to free myself so I kicked but missed, which made the other two guys pinning my legs down. A little bit further the two girls were chasing away anyone who came too close.

"Hé, what are you doing there," a teacher shouted all of a sudden. It was Mr. Schmidt, our social studies' teacher.

"Nothing," they released me and fled. I could feel my blood streaming again.

"Are you okay, Tess?" Mr. Schmidt asked.

"Yes," my voice trembled.

Mr. Schmidt scratched his neck "Well, if anything is wrong, don't keep it to yourself. Learn to ask for help." He patted my shoulder and patrolled further.

When he was out of sight, I took a deep breath and fell down, the pure adrenaline that supported me was gone. Never have I been threatened before and not much later the fear kicked in. Next thing I know, I was hyperventilating. I bent over my knees to calm down, but it didn't work.

Someone came running to me. "Tess! Tess, are you alright?" I looked up to find Alec, throwing an apple out of his bag. He squatted down and handed me his paper lunch bag.

I took it with quivering hands, and blew in and out with all I got. Alec soothed me by stroking his hands on my back. The hyperventilation finally stopped, but I was still trembling.

Even though Mr. Schmidt advised me to ask for help, I thought I could've handled this on my own. Later I learned that I was wrong, I was a hypocrite.

Putting the bag away, I turned towards Alec. "Why did you come, I didn't want you to see me like this." Good, I had my voice under control.

"I promised to see you today, so I came."

Smooth. "You could have seen me after school. Now is such a bad timing."

"I don't think you would have stayed till last period, regarding what happened a moment ago."

"True though." We looked at each other and laughed.

"Mission cleared." I gave him a questioning look. "You're not shaking anymore." Oh.

"Thanks for your help." I gave him a grateful smile. Suddenly my thoughts went to Jade. "Alec, I've got to go. Eh. Thank you."

"It's nothing. Well, see you tomorrow then." He stood up and lent me a hand.

"It's a promise," I played along.

In the canteen Jade was nowhere to be found. Lunch break was almost over. "Where are you Jade?"

I've been regretting this moment every day. I didn't know she was doing something dangerous all on her own.
I should have looked harder, I should have called her, maybe it could have helped... No, instead I only texted her.

Can't find you :( heading back to class. Meet up after school? T xx

At the end of class there was a buzz...

Sorry, I can't, have something urgent to do. J xx

Jade also didn't show up for the rest of her classes. She asked for a sick leave. I was suspicious of so many things, so I still went to Jade's home an hour after school was over.

I nonstop rang the bell for about 5 min., nobody opened. It was strange, the light in Jade's room was on. I stepped back, it was still on... Perhaps someone forgot to turn it off? It could always happen, energy-conscious people like Jade's family are humans too.

I decided to push the bell one last time and as expected no reaction. So I braked, I left the house Jade was in, where she was crying in silence. I abandoned my friend at the time she needed me the most.

I could have called at that time too or at least I should have gone through the backdoor to shut down that light. I kept resenting myself for not doing it.

Why couldn't I carry out a habit I did over a thousands times?

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Is today's brake similar to something you've experienced before?
Hope you enjoyed the story so far ;)

Christine xxx