a few years back,
on a dreary, lifeless day,
two kids by the names of
Laziness and
Apathy
told me they were getting married,
and that i was the only person
they invited.

their paper invitation
was colored a creamy grey,
with plain black lettering
that read
YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED
TO ATTEND THE WEDDING
OF THE BEST FRIENDS YOU'VE MADE
SINCE YOU COULD FEEL
THE SOFTNESS OF BLANKETS
AND THE RELUCTANCE
TO MOVE.

i mused that since i would be
the only guest,
i would be missed
if i didn't show up.
i thought that they at least
could have spritzed a bit of perfume
onto the envelope.

i was all of Apathy's bridesmaids,
sighing in their youthful envy,
awaiting their own marriages.

i was all of Laziness' groomsmen,
hooting and hollering,
the bittersweet death of a bachelor
on their tongues.

i was the maid of honor,
i was the best man.
i was all the witnesses in the seats,
and i was the catering company,
serving sweets and savories
and fancy alcoholic drinks
to embarrass myself with later on.

they looked out over the audience
of one,
and together in unison they called out
for me to voice my objections.

they watched me sit there
on the hard plastic chair,
looked me in the eyes
and asked
three
four
and five times
to say something,
anything,
and i did not stir.
i did not look away.
i did not smile.

they say that when Napoleon
was coronated,
he put his own crown
on his own head,
disregarding the power
of the church
and of God himself.

in that pompous french fashion,
Laziness and his bride Apathy
married themselves
by the power vested
in each other.
their lips pressed together
like a ring on solidifying wax.

without looking back at me,
Apathy dropped her bouquet
of dead weeds onto my lap,
and i listened to her high heels
clack clack clack
on the hard wood,
and i heard the metal doors slam,
the room ringing with the finality
of my own complacency.

i can't remember the exact date of
that wedding.
i can't remember the name of the venue.
i can't remember what i wore,
and i can't remember how i arrived
or left.

i know that i haven't been the same.

i know that i just let things happen,
i know i settle for things,
and i know i don't care as much
anymore.

i know it's my fault.