WARNING TWILIGHT SPOILERS LOL

I actually read every single Twilight book when I was in middle school and they weren't too bad. (I am of course leaving out that genderbent rewrite that she made bc even though the concept was kinda cool like why the fuck would I read that)

The worst books are New Moon and Breaking Dawn, though Breaking Dawn had its high points. I don't remember much of it, I just remember this weird POV switch and then it's just Jacob brooding and complaining for half the fucking book jfc and it was kinda cool how Bella suddenly got hot and had vamp powers

NEW MOON WAS JUST COMPLETELY AND WHOLLY TERRIBLE LIKE SHUT THE FUCK UP BELLA SHE LITERALLY TRIES TO KILL HERSELF AND SHE HALLUCINATES AND SHIT IDEFK

honestly the only reason i wanted to make this chapter talking about twilight is because i really love looking at study blogs and it always reminds me of the first twilight book

So like when Bella first moves to Forks she's really bored and she complains a lot and she's putting herself through unnecessary turmoil and making herself a martyr and shit BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT THE POINT IS THAT SHE HAS A LOT OF TIME ON HER HANDS AND SHE SPENDS IT BEING PRODUCTIVE

Like idk it's so fucking relaxing to me because her whole routine is written out like she does some grocery shopping, she comes home and cooks food for Charlie and gets all her homework done like a week early and it makes me feel calm because I'm one of those people who internalizes the problems of the characters so if she's behind on her homework i'll get slightly stressed and ugh

After her homework she'll take her little bathroom bag and she'll take a shower and for some reason I like knowing that she uses strawberry scented shampoo and conditioner???? idk

There's that "famous scene" I guess u could call it where she gets on the computer to google vampires lol and her fucking backwoods dial-up internet takes ten minutes to load so she literally goes downstairs and makes herself cereal and she chews it really slowly ¿¿¿ and then she goes back up and she looks through all the webpages UGH IT'S JUST RELAXING TO ME

another scene I enjoy is when she takes her big ol' Jane Austen (i'm p sure) book and she goes out to her backyard to enjoy the rare moments of sunshine and the characters' names are Edward and Edmund or whatever and she's like "didn't they have any other fucking names back then" and then she falls asleep on the grass

Sometimes I'll open my twilight book just to the "scary stories" (I think?) chapter where Jacob tells her all about the history of La Push and the wolves and blood drinkers and shit because I like it

(I am guilty of falling into this) but Honestly it kinda bugs me when people get all ass hurt about Edward being MANIPULATIVE AND DANGEROUS like that's the fucking point he's a vampire he wants to eat her he wants to kill her he wants to turn her into his vampire wife to preserve her for all eternity AND OH HE CONTROLS THEIR WHOLE SEX LIFE AND HE MAKES HER WAIT UNTIL MARRIAGE like hi stephanie meyer is a fucking mormon ok plus girls control the sex in the relationship all the time irl and it's fine it's their fucking choice

Twilight is not intended to be a perfect mirror into a healthy, stable relationship

Because it's about VAMPIRES

it's 5:30am why am i getting so passionate about twilight

what else can i say

Alice is great I adore her everyone adores Alice

The movies aren't great but it's not the fault of the actors, they're all really really talented but like Tumblr Has Pointed Out they all signed up for this shit show and then they realized too late that it's a fucking shit show but by then they were required to film 5 more movies lol

So in summation the first Twilight book has quite a few bits at the start/early middle that relax me; New Moon is fucking disgusting; what even happened in Eclipse lol; Breaking Dawn was meh, could've gone without Jacob being a pissbaby and then imprinting on Bella's kid who will probably also friendzone him and then he'll be fucked because he can't run away and be a pissbaby anymore lmao

thanks for sitting through all those run on sentences and sporadic capitalization + punctuation lol this is the only platform that validates my talent