cleaning is overwhelming

i don't quite enjoy it

but at the same time i really do

my sketchbooks and chalk pastels go on the table by the door

but i know they'll all end up on the floor right by my bed

so shouldn't that be their place instead?

there's arnica spilled on the bottom shelf

rather than it being a mess anymore, it's just a fact

it's personality

and these are all excuses

so i won't have to continue

i don't have to clean the arnica if it's now a living, breathing piece of my bedroom

i took down the wonky picture and the frame broke

i had to throw it away

but for some reason i kept the glass pane

i draw on it with my blue erasable marker

i don't need it

yet i keep it

it's a metaphor for lots of things in my life

i should eat now if i know what's good for me

but am i using nutrition as an excuse, as well?

am i using my poor mental health as an excuse for not doing anything?

cleaning?

homework?

socializing?

am i tricking myself into believing i'm really That Bad

or am i really That Bad

i don't think i can believe myself

anymore