I finally got a new journal. I can at last put the pink notepad to rest.

Normally I buy the smaller notebooks, ones thin enough for me to sleep uninterrupted with underneath my pillow. This time, though, I brought out the big guns, and I made a commitment to a thick journal that'll last me at least six months.

I thought that since this new journal has full sized pages, it'd be daunting, like I'm not writing as much as I normally do.

Today I proved that that was not the case at all.

I filled up twelve whole pages.

I have literally been writing since I woke up today.

And I'm sitting here making excuses for why I can't do that for Melancholock.

Once in eighth grade, I filled up a whole composition notebook with gay Hetalia fanfiction, mostly Russia x China (aru, da? vomits). I worked tirelessly every single day, only skipping once because of illness. I carried it with me everywhere so that I could write in it every single chance I got.

Then I lent it to a friend, because she wanted to read them all, and she never returned it to me. She told me she lost it.

I was really upset, but I refrained from getting mad back then, because she was my friend and I didn't want to fight with her.

Tonight, however, I was a bit angry. Don't really know why I remembered that in that specific moment. I sent her a message on Facebook, asking her to kindly find it and give it back to me. Then she told me about some really awful stuff that happened, and I felt extremely sad.

People drift. People change. And that's okay.

Sure, the small talk was uncomfortable, and I felt rude prying into her life again, but that's not a big deal. I survived.

I'm not really sure what this chapter is about. Journals? Life? Taking my first few baby steps to overcoming mental illness? Maybe I'm still journaling, except it's here, and not in my new book.

Oh! I did some good math today and I found out that if I start working, even just part time, thirty hours a week on minimum wage, I should be able to buy myself a used car by the middle of this year.

I think I'm ready to leap, I'm ready to live, I'm ready to go