Writing Prompts: "Are you crying?" "I can't fully express how much I truly care." "Please just hold me."

Member: Xinlong

Genre: Fluff/Angst/Comfort

Requester: @deathpachio

Hope I did okay ;-;

"I just don't want you to get hurt again." Y/N's friend spoke over the phone, concerning their newfound lover.

"But he's not like that, he's nice, he loves me."

"But what if he leaves you? What if he hurts you like that other asshole did? Look, Y/N, you're my best friend and I don't want to see you like that ever again. Just be careful okay?" Y/N's mind wondered for a moment and they felt their heart beat quicken.

"Yeah, will do." And with that, they hung up the phone. Y/N's friends words lingered in their mind and their imagination went wild. They couldn't bare the thought of Xinlong leaving them, just thinking about all the ways it could happen made them sick. Their past relationship didn't end well in the slightest, they were broken for a long time, that tends to happen when the person you think is the love of your life turns out to be the biggest jerk on the face of the earth. 

What if...

All the profanities Y/N's past boyfriend had spit at them came flooding back only this time, it wasn't the man in question, it was Xinlong. Their heart broke at the thought and all those self-degrading tendencies came back in an instant. It was astounding how such a little conversation could throw them off the rails and make them panic so quickly. They had had panic attacks before, they knew their triggers were sensitive, but every time it still got to them.

✨Mild trigger warning: Described panic attack✨

The blood pounded in their ears. Their heart thudded in their chest. Their hands shook. Their feet tingled. Their vision disfigured, as if they were looking through a fish-eye lens. The heart palpitations were something Y/N would still never get used to no matter how many attacks they had to go though. Every time, without fail they'd panic even more thinking it was a heart attack for a few brief moments. Tears trickle down their face as they felt their throat start to close. They coughed and gaged to get air, but to no avail. Y/N wanted to call someone, they really did, but they could not physically move their body on their own, the weakness in their legs and the overwhelming sense of dread stuck them in their spot on their bed, but, the more they thought about it, the more they realized they were glad no one was around to see them in the state they were in. Y/N had never told anyone of their panic attacks, they kept them to themself. They were quite frankly embarrassed and told themself that "they weren't a big deal" even though they obviously were. They didn't want to overreact and draw attention to themself by actually speaking out.

Y/N's heart quickened that much more (if that was even possible) when they heart the door to the bedroom open, only to reveal the boy they had been talking about not to long ago.

"Holy shit." Xinlong shut the door and made his way over to the poor sobbing human. "Are you crying?"  Y/N wanted to reply with one of their normal snarky comments, something along the lines of "What does it look like?"  but the oxygen or lack thereof was all they could focus on. It took a few moments for Xinlong to finally realize what was happening, but when he did, he himself panicked a little. He had seen and heard of panic attacks online and in shows, but he didn't know how to deal with a real one. He took a breath, not wanting his panic to show though and affect Y/N, and thought really hard. "Okay, okay, umm." 

Come on Xinlong think!

"Make a fist." He said, grabbing the slightly smaller persons hand. "Yeah, like that." The boy smiled despite the situation. Y/N was listening and responding, that was good that least. "Now breathe into it like this." Xinlong did a demonstration with his own hand, making a fist and breathing deep, holding for a moment, than letting his breath go inside said fist. He had heard of this tactic from, again, the internet. He just hoped and prayed so hard it actually worked. Y/N did as he asked, trying their best to keep steady breaths. It was hard, but eventually they had calmed down enough all that was left was their soft cries. "You did so well sweetheart." Xinlong wasn't sure what to do at this point, he thought about throwing his arms around his lover like he had wanted to since he had stepped foot into their room, but he thought it may not be the best course of action to restrict someone who had just had a panic attack. "Is there anything I can do for you now?" He asked, hoping to get a reply.

"Please just hold me."

Y/N's voice came out broken and strained, it crushed Xinlong to hear them like that. He did as requested and took Y/N into his arms, holding them close, yet gentle. Their sobs had picked up and died down as time went on until they eventually had cried themself to sleep.

"Shh, it's gonna be okay."

"I'm here for you, always."

"You're gonna be okay now."

"I love you."

"I can't fully express how much I truly care." 

Xinlong continued to say whatever comforting things came to his mind well after Y/N had fallen asleep. He didn't know what made them panic so bad, but whatever it was, Xinlong was going to do whatever it took to be rid it from the love of his life.

Little did he know, that what made Y/N panic was the mere thought of losing him.