How about I tell you some truths? No story telling this time.

I found the love poem (the one I said Morgan wrote for me) in the snow,

the beautiful, white snow,

that was glistening like a million white diamonds in the sun.

I had to squint my eyes, the glare was so painful,

the piece of paper was just lying there, slowly getting wet, the ink starting to smudge with moisture.

I don’t know who dropped it or who it was intended for but it’s beautiful.

I still have it in my backpack. I don’t care who it’s for because it was meant to end up in my backpack and it’s mine now.

I don’t have two beautiful twin sisters (who does?). I like imagining I have sisters because I get pretty lonely here. My mom leaves a lot, not usually for this long, but anyway even when she’s here it’s like she’s not here. I don’t feel like talking about my mom right now though…

Have you ever idolized someone? Daydreamed about them so much that you’ve built an emotional attachment to them? And they have no idea? They don’t even notice you?

If you haven’t then don’t do it.

Seeing Morgan at school hurts, like physically hurts. My stomach ties in knots. And when I see him talking with Lindsay it hurts even more. I don’t actually sit with Lindsay at lunch, I don’t have a lunch to bring to school (not a lot of groceries in the house right now with my mom being gone) so I just avoid the lunch room altogether.

Morgan did completely change his look a couple of weeks ago, that part is true, catching everyone’s attention, including mine. That’s when I started imagining what it would be like if he was DC. He looked really good after his sudden transformation.

I guess that accidentally falling in love with Morgan is the least of my problems right now. There’s no hot water running anymore so I have to warm up the water on the camping stove. Not a fun way to “bath” (basically washing with a cloth out of a pot). I’m probably going to take some shampoo with me to school tomorrow and use the showers in the girls’ change room that no one ever uses.

It's scary being at home at night, alone. That’s why I bought the Christmas lights at the Thrift Store, to light up my room a little, but not so much that it would be noticeable through the blinds that someone was living up here.

I used up the last of my money to buy them, which was a big mistake because I really need money right now. I figured that it’s my birthday and I should buy myself something! I also ate the last of the food on my birthday because I was tired of feeling hungry all the time, just eating small amounts so that I could save food for later. For my birthday I wanted to eat until I was full for once. So now I’m stuck with an almost empty jar of peanut butter, a few soup crackers and some ketchup I think.

I used to like staring out my window at the street below, making up stories and relaxing in my room. That was in the summer. It wasn’t so cold then.

I hate this place now.

And I hate the Christmas lights too.

Because Morgan never gave them to me

and they just remind me of all that didn’t happen,

All that never happens.