Kabanata 15

Strange Feelings

Andra's POV

Nagising ako sa mga malalalim na hininga ni Zay na nakayakap pa rin sa akin. I could still feel the warmth of his body against mine, and the soft rise and fall of his chest. But despite the comfort, something inside me felt... different. Hindi ko maipaliwanag, pero may mga tanong na naglalaro sa isip ko, mga katanungan na hindi ko alam kung paano sasagutin.

I slowly pulled away from him, careful not to disturb his peaceful sleep. As I sat up on the bed, the events of last night flashed in my mind like a storm—every kiss, every touch, every word. My body was still aching, but it was a strange mix of pleasure and pain. What was this? Why did it feel like I was losing control of myself, of my emotions?

Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang totoo at kung ano ang ginagawa ko. I thought I was strong, independent, but last night... last night, everything felt like it was falling apart. Every instinct told me to push him away, to run and never look back, but another part of me was drawn to him, craving his touch, his presence.

I ran my fingers through my hair, frustrated. What was happening to me? I thought about everything I knew about Zay—the way he always seemed so sure of himself, so confident, yet so gentle with me. But there was a darkness in him, one that I could feel, a shadow that lingered just beneath the surface.

Sa bawat paghinga ko, nararamdaman ko ang tensyon sa pagitan namin. Gusto kong magsalita, pero hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko. What do you say after everything that happened? How do you explain this feeling of wanting him, yet not fully trusting him?

Biglang naramdaman ko ang isang malambot na kamay sa aking balikat. I turned to find Zay looking at me, his eyes filled with concern.

"Andra, are you okay?" he asked softly, his voice gentle but laced with worry.

I forced a smile, trying to hide the confusion I was feeling. "I'm fine. I just... need some time to think."

He nodded, his expression softening, but I could see the flicker of doubt in his eyes. "I understand. Take all the time you need. But you don't have to go through this alone."

I looked away, feeling the weight of his words settle on me. Alone... That was the last thing I wanted to feel, but it seemed like I was constantly pushing everyone away. Especially him. Lately, I've been feeling like I'm stuck in this endless cycle—torn between what I want and what I know I should do.

"I just need space," I whispered, more to myself than to him.

Zay didn't say anything. Instead, he reached out and gently cupped my face, his thumb brushing over my cheek. His touch was so tender, so caring, that for a moment, I almost forgot everything. The doubts, the confusion, the fear—all of it seemed to melt away with his touch.

Why is it so hard to resist him? I thought, my heart pounding in my chest. Every time I tried to pull away, he only pulled me closer. His presence, his warmth, it was like a drug. And I was addicted.

"I know you're scared, Andra," he said quietly, his voice filled with understanding. "But I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. Am I really scared of him? Or was I just scared of what this could become? I didn't know anymore.

When I opened my eyes again, Zay was still looking at me with those intense, searching eyes. "Just tell me what you need, and I'll give it to you."

I didn't know what to say. The truth was, I didn't know what I needed. All I knew was that there was this undeniable pull toward him, something that I couldn't explain. But at the same time, there was fear—a fear that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't the person I thought he was.

Zay seemed to sense my hesitation. He slowly let go of me, stepping back a little. His gaze softened, but there was a hint of pain in his eyes. "I won't rush you, Andra. I just... want you to be sure about us."

His words hit me like a wave, crashing into my chest. I felt a lump form in my throat, and for a moment, I couldn't speak. How do you explain something like this? How do you explain feelings that don't make sense?

I looked at him, feeling more lost than ever. "I just need time, Zay. Time to figure things out."

He nodded, his face unreadable. "I'll wait for you, then."

But as he turned to leave the room, I couldn't help but feel like I was losing something important, something I wasn't sure I was ready to let go of.

Sa kabila ng lahat ng nangyari, sa kabila ng mga tanong at takot na naglalaro sa aking isip, nararamdaman ko pa rin ang pagkahulog ko sa kanya. I wanted to pull away, to escape, but something inside me was telling me to stay, to face whatever this was.

Because, deep down, I knew that I would never be the same again.

Habang ako'y naliligo, ramdam ko pa rin ang init ng katawan ko na nagmumula kay Zay. His touch, his presence... they kept replaying in my mind like a song I couldn't shake off. The sound of water hitting my skin, the coolness of the shower, somehow made it all feel surreal, like I was caught in some kind of dream. But even as the water rushed over me, I could still feel his lingering touch, his words, his promise to wait.

What am I even doing? I asked myself as I scrubbed the soap against my skin, trying to wash away the confusion. But it was no use—the confusion clung to me, heavier than ever.

I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against the tiled wall, letting the water wash over me. I had to clear my head. I needed clarity. But every time I thought I was getting close, Zay's face would appear in my mind, his smile, the way he cared for me despite everything.

What's happening to me?

I stepped out of the shower, my mind still a whirlpool of thoughts. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around myself, staring at my reflection in the mirror. The woman staring back at me was someone I barely recognized—a woman caught between a past she wanted to forget and a future she wasn't sure she was ready for. I wasn't the same person I was before I met Zay, and that terrified me.

As I finished getting dressed, I heard the faint sound of sizzling from the kitchen. Zay was probably making breakfast. He wasn't a bad cook, I thought. I smiled a little at the thought. I couldn't remember the last time someone cooked for me—especially not someone like Zay. His kindness, his patience—it was starting to get to me in ways I wasn't prepared for.

I grabbed my phone and sent a quick message to a friend, anything to distract myself from the growing tension in my chest. But as soon as I set the phone down and walked toward the kitchen, I could smell the rich aroma of sizzling eggs and freshly baked bread.

When I entered the kitchen, Zay was standing over the stove, his back to me. His broad shoulders were relaxed, but I could tell he was focused on the task at hand. The moment he heard me step into the room, he turned his head, a smile tugging at his lips.

"Good morning," he said, his voice low but warm.

I smiled, though it felt like the smile didn't quite reach my eyes. "Morning."

He gestured to the table, where he had already set out plates, glasses, and a steaming cup of coffee. "I made breakfast. Hope you're hungry."

I glanced at the spread—a simple but thoughtful meal. Eggs, toast, fresh fruit. Everything looked so perfect, so normal. But inside, I felt anything but that. I sat down, my stomach twisting in knots despite the delicious food in front of me.

As Zay continued to cook, I found myself watching him—how he moved around the kitchen with such ease, how his hands worked with the precision of someone who knew what he was doing. For a moment, I felt like an intruder in his world, an outsider who didn't belong.

"Everything okay?" Zay asked, turning to me with a raised eyebrow. His gaze was soft, but there was something else in his eyes—something that made my heart skip a beat.

"Yeah, I'm just..." I trailed off, not sure how to put my thoughts into words. "I don't know. Everything feels so... intense. Like I'm caught between wanting to run and wanting to stay."

Zay put the spatula down and walked over to my side of the table, sitting across from me. His gaze was steady, and I could see the sincerity in his eyes. "I get it. I know you're scared, Andra. I can't promise things won't be complicated, but I can promise you that I'll be here. I won't rush you."

I looked down at my hands, feeling the weight of his words. It was the same promise he had made before, but something about hearing him say it again made it feel more real. More... possible.

Am I ready for this?

"Why me?" I whispered, almost to myself.

Zay's expression softened, and he reached out, taking my hand in his. "Because I see something in you, Andra. Something I can't explain, but I know it's there. Something that makes me want to fight for this. For us."

I swallowed, my throat tightening. Is this really happening?

Before I could respond, Zay gave my hand a gentle squeeze and stood up to finish cooking. He didn't pressure me to say anything more, and that, in itself, was a comfort. I could feel his presence, like an anchor in the storm of emotions inside me. And for once, it felt like I wasn't alone in all of this.

I slowly began to eat, trying to push my thoughts aside, but it wasn't easy. Every bite tasted sweet, but every moment spent with Zay felt like I was teetering on the edge of something unknown. I didn't know what the future held, but I couldn't deny the pull I felt toward him.

Zay sat down beside me, picking up his fork. He didn't rush me, didn't demand anything. He simply sat with me, sharing this small moment in time. I felt a warmth growing in my chest—a warmth I didn't know if I was ready for but couldn't seem to stop.

"Good morning. Eat kana, baby." he said, flashing a sweet smile.

Maybe I'm not as scared as I thought, I realized.

For now, I didn't need all the answers. I didn't need to know what would happen next. All I needed was this moment. This peace. And maybe... maybe that was enough.