40| Expect The Unexpected
I decided not to fake cry as Haco had advised me to do in a situation like this, because my acting was the worst.
The door was pushed open, just far enough so a person could step through. Light still flooded into the study, diminishing the dimness and blinding me in the process. I quickly threw a hand in front of my eyes, in an attempt to save my night vision. It didn't help. I blinked several times, to force my eyes to adjust. A silhouette stood in front of me, closing the door behind them.
We were enveloped in darkness again.
I held the dagger in my tight fist, hidden behind my back.
"Oh, I'm so sorry my lord," I pleaded when I could make out a lean frame in the dimness of the room. My eyes were still fighting to adjust—my night vision had been completely ruined. "I wasn't feeling well, and they sent me here—"
"Cut the crap. Why the hell are you in here, Tenna?" the silhouette said, slowly turning into a person. I let my eyes slide over the stranger standing in front of me.
I swore. You have got to be kidding me. One violent curse after another whirled around in my head, as time progressed one even worse than the other. That familiar ash blonde hair, sophistically styled in a way that made him look utterly ridiculous. That lean frame, fitted into a tailored grey suit, which brought out those dark brown eyes—eyes which looked at me like I was a ghost, or crazy—probably both. There was no question if Kael had been real that other night: he was standing right before me.
"Are you being serious?" I said, still not believing my own eyes. "You. Explain. Right now," I hissed, pulling the dagger from behind my back. I stepped forward, but bumped against the chair in front me, unable to get any closer. "You—you betrayed us," I whispered, unable to think of anything else. "How could you?" The attack, the fire, the deaths. It was all his fault—he had sold us out to the Authorities, I was sure of it. The dagger I held tight in my hand seemed my only hold of this world: the rest seemed to crumble away as I stood there. The only things left were me and my dagger. And Kael.
"I never meant for this to happen," Kael started. "Please put the dagger down, I know you won't hurt me," he said calmly, making a vague gesture with his hand.
Before, I could never have hurt him. Not ever, not him. But now, I wasn't so sure anymore. I lifted the dagger higher, aligning it with his eyes. "I wouldn't be so sure."
"Why are you acting like this?" Kael asked, his brows furrowing. "So cold, distant... It's me, Tenners," he said, using my old nickname. "I'm still me, despite what it looks like. I swear." He reached for my arm, over the chair.
I jerked back, "Don't you touch me." The dagger in my hand was remarkably still, pointed straight at his face. "You say you're you, but I can't see anything of the Outsider boy who used to play hide and seek with me at the rock formation anymore. All I see is an upper—a liar. You've lied to us."
Kael averted his gaze, the ground suddenly very interesting. At least he had the decency to blush. "I didn't have a choice," he whispered. "But I never wanted an attack, ever. I was always clear in that."
"You always have a choice, Kael," I said, shaking my head. Suddenly he was that little boy again, upset because people said he had to wield a gun, not an aid kit. But he had fought for that aid kit, for the better part of his childhood years. Only after Granny Froster had given him his blessing, he had been accepted by the infirmary. I don't have a choice, Tenners, he had said, I have to inflict pain, I'm not allowed to lessen it.
Oh, and how I had fought for that boy, how many fights I'd had with my father... Kael had never found out about it, but I had been the one to persuade my father to let Granny Froster teach him, even if it was just for a few days. If it hadn't been for that, Granny had never been so enthusiastic about that boy, and Kael would never have become the one who would step into her footsteps one day. I had been so proud of him. He had been beaming for weeks after the acceptance.
"I didn't have a choice. Not this time," he said, bringing his gaze up to mine. "I had to tell him about us—the Outsiders. The camp, the people, our ways. He threatened to attack camp. I had to keep everyone safe—I had to keep you safe."
Blood buzzed in my ears—I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My heart pounded against my ribcage; he couldn't be telling the truth. The timid, ridiculously kind boy I'd spent my entire life with could not be a traitor.
He couldn't be the traitor.
"Who?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
"Fairlands," Kael said. "He forced me to give him info about us—the Outsiders. We would meet at my father's carving..."
"Your father's carving?"
"That's where they would meet me," Kael said quietly. "One Authority, sometimes two. They carried a screen with my father's face on it—my real father, Jonah Fairlands. I even inherited his name, so I would always be reminded of my job. I had to tell him everything about camp, and in return, he would keep the Authorities from attacking."
"Well, star job you did." My voice was cold, shallow. It was like I was observing this from afar, looking at the girl in the silver dress and the boy in the grey suit, both fighting tears, their hearts torn in two. I snapped back to my body when he started speaking again.
"It wasn't my fault. I know it seems that way, but it wasn't," Kael snapped, "He asked about the Black Iron mines—for the millionth time. You and I both know that Otanec is the only person who only even knows where the supplies come from. The mines are the Outsiders' best kept secret."
I nodded slowly. They were. Once in every six full moons a special Outsider would come to the Tribe, which we all called the Miner, covered in soot and thin as a twig. With his toothless grimace and a cart full of Black Iron weapons he would walk straight to Otanec, hand him a handful of daggers, arrow points or sometimes even swords, and leave again. The event was always regarded as some strange tradition, the transaction between the Leader and the Miner. Otanec never talked about the transaction, and I never asked about it. Some things were better to be left unasked.
"What happened then?" I asked, flicking up my gaze to meet his. Now that I got a part of the story, I wanted to hear all of it.
"I told him I didn't know, and that the next transaction would be in four moons. Like he would know it was actually the next one," he said, even daring to scoff. "He got mad. The Authorities left," his voice had died down to a whisper, "That was the day before the attack."
"But it wasn't me, I swear!" he added. "They didn't know where the camp was—I was just as surprised as you were." He sounded like he had convinced himself, but I didn't believe a word of what he said.
"The day before the attack?" I exclaimed, suddenly back in full. It was all I had heard. I balled my fists, struggling to keep my ground. I couldn't attack him. "You could've told us! We could've prepared ourselves! Do you know how many people died because of you? Do you—" I halted. He didn't know. "Do you know Cilen is dying?"
Kael's eyes widened, as he took a large breath. Cilen was a good friend of his—they used to go out hunting together, even though Kael was the worst tracker alive. "No," he breathed, "I didn't—how—"
"Mekayka," I whispered hoarsely. I shrugged helplessly, "You were needed more than ever after the attack." My voice broke, and I let my hand holding my dagger fall down beside my body. "I came here to get you back home."
Kael looked like he was seriously fighting tears right now, as he started pacing the room. I watched him go, as he took deep breaths, eventually kicking the desk out of frustration, or anger. The leather of his shoes creaked, but the heavy stone desk didn't move. I heard him mutter a curse under his breath. "I didn't—I never—Did he—"
"Granny is taking care of him, but you know she needs you. She's getting old," I said, "She keeps forgetting things."
Kael bit his lip, bringing his hands up to his hair. He tousled his blond hair in the process, but he didn't seem to care. His eyes stayed unfocussed, darting through the room. "I thought—"
"What did you think, exactly?" I exclaimed, "That no one would get hurt? That all would be fine? There were Authorities, Kael. They had Mekayka. Were you really so naive, that you thought we would all be fine? We are not fine. I wasn't, not when you were gone too. I couldn't lose you—not you. I lose everyone," I whispered. I was glad he wasn't locked in a gaol, but this hurt even more. The responsible boy back at camp was gone. All that was left was a lord, waiting for the next ball.
He took a deep breath, "I thought I had lost you too," he said suddenly, "Until that other night—I swear I thought I was going crazy. I missed you so much, I thought I was starting to see things. And there you suddenly were, in that beautiful black dress... I ran away, I didn't know what to do— I wanted—"
"Don't," I said, cutting him off. "Don't make this seem like it's normal, or 'meant to be'. All I know is that this—" I gestured to his hair and clothing, "—is worse than having gone to your carving." I fought to hold back tears, turning my face away. A cold hand gripped around my heart, crushing it into smithereens. An icy blanket wrapped around the remains, shielding it from any further harm. Kael grabbed my wrist.
"Tenna—"
"Shut your mouth," I hissed, jerking my hand loose from his grip. The stinging of my eyes had stopped.
"But I love you!"
"If you really loved me, you wouldn't have betrayed us."
Kael stepped back like a wounded animal, pain cutting through his face like a knife. He seemed to shrink, fold together, like he tried to disappear. "I'm sorry. I was a fool—I didn't know better."
"Apparently. I..." my voice trailed off when I turned my head to the door. Kael started to talk again, but I shushed him with a harsh gesture of my hand. There were footsteps. Outside the door. One person. My eyes darted back to Kael. 'Did you lock the door?' I mouthed, pointing at the door and gesturing as well.
Kael's eyes widened. He shook his head. I cursed, "They're going to come in here!" I whisper-shouted. "You stupid ass, close the damned door—were you born in a shed or something?" I exhaled loudly, throwing my hands in the air. Even back home, he always failed to close the door. Probably because he spent so much time in the infirmary—the mentality there was that care should be shared with everyone; but it was probably also that the smell inside wouldn't be that horrible.
With a groan I grabbed my dagger tighter and flicked my wrist. The fragments shot up, creating a hard armour of spikes. Kael's eyes widened at the look of the razor-sharp shards. I couldn't help but smirk. I didn't come here unprepared, you know.
Kael just stood there, his eyes focussed on me. "You will never overpower them," he said suddenly. "I have an idea."
"What?" I said, flicking my head to his with a scowl thrown across my features, "I am not some helpless damsel in distress, you know. I can protect myself—"
"They have guns. O'Megga is on duty tonight, and believe me, he won't hesitate to use his. Especially when he sees you with those," he said, gesturing to the shards. "Get rid of them, now."
I turned my wrist again, and the shards folded back. "What is your brilliant idea, then?" I whispered again, my eyes flicking to the door. The sounds of footsteps were getting louder—he was definitely going to check out why the door wasn't locked. I could see dark spots in the thin strip of light which escaped from under the door. The heavy boots stopped in front of the doorway, and I could hear a man mutter something in a radio.
Kael walked up to me, grabbing my hand. I would've jerked it back, if he hadn't had such a serious face. "You won't like this. But it'll work," he said, locking his gaze with mine.
As I knew the boy in front of me, I knew what he was going to do. "No," I said. "You are not—" I jerked my hand loose, but I heard the doorknob being turned around, a gun being pulled out of its holster.
"I will never forgive you," I spat. Deep down, I knew he was right. But that didn't mean I had to like it.
"I know, Tenners," Kael said quietly, but cupped my face anyway. Without further ado, he pressed his lips against mine. His lips were hot yet soft, and I could feel the stubble of a beginning beard scratch my skin. This kiss was definitely different—while it had been gentle and made of silk back home, this was hot, feverish and hungry. His lips moved against mine in perfect synchronicity, his hands roaming over my arms and back. He deepened the kiss, and all I could do was oblige. Play the part, I thought, it has to be believable. I quickly brought my hands up as well, tangling them in his hair. I only realised now I was still holding the dagger in my hand. I quickly turned us around so my back faced the door—as if in a lover's passion—to conceal the blade in my palm. Lips and teeth and hot breath seemed to merge into one, my breath hitching in my throat. Why was I feeling like this?
A forced cough. "Excuse me," a gruff voice said behind me. I let Kael kiss me for a second longer, before I pulled away. My lips suddenly felt very cold, the rest of my body ridiculously warm. I turned around, pressing my back against Kael's chest, who smoothly slid his arms around my waist. He buried his face in my neck, which conjured up a wave of...something stirring inside of me. He was as guilty as I was—and since he was the hosting lord's heir, he might be in even bigger trouble. He kept his face hidden where my neck went over into my shoulder, planting little kisses on my bare skin. He was really into this role...or wasn't he acting?
"We're sorry," I purred, "This was the only free room." I batted my eyelashes, trying to sound like a flustered Lady. According to the guard's face, it was working.
"Apologies ma'am, I have to ask you to leave," the guard in the navy suit asked in a flat voice. He holstered his gun, to my relief, and stepped aside so we could leave. He let his gaze slide through the room, looking if there were any other passionate lovers hiding in the room. We didn't move, even when he said: "Now, please."
Kael pushed me away, his cheeks red and his hair tousled. He looked at me. Did it work? I nodded, slipping my arm around his waist, under his jacket, to conceal my dagger. Kael looked at me with surprise in his eyes, but his face a perfect mask of embarrassment. While he kept his features hidden from the guard, we slipped out of the room, stepping into the hallway. We quickly escaped, trying to keep the façade of caught lovers up. But once we rounded the corner, I let go of Kael, standing opposite of him with my arms crossed. My dagger was still resting in my left palm, but there was no way I was going to hitch up my skirts to put it away with him standing there. I gave the hallway a quick once-over, to check if it was empty. I spotted three doors to bedrooms, and a maintenance locker hidden behind a statue. No one else was in this passageway apart from us. I let my gaze slide back to Kael.
"Your plan worked," I said calmly, uncrossing my arms and letting them hang loosely next to me. "Don't ever try something like that again."
Kael's gaze dropped for a second. He didn't think I had forgiven him, had he? He let his gaze slide up again, as he pushed away a strand of hair that had fallen in his face. His eyes focussed on something behind me, as his eyes widened. Something's wrong. His hand shot down to my left arm, but he was too slow.
"My Lady, drop that dagger right now!"
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Hi there!
So, here's the thing: this was an incredibly difficult chapter for me. If there is any chapter that needs critiques/opinions, it's this one—so fire away! Thank you!
If you liked it, please press that little star! Thanks again! <3
- Vivian
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