Since we have dived deep into Taehyung's feelings for Kook, i figured its time you knew just how strongly Jungkook feels for Taehyung.

It's a filler chapter before we address one of Jungkook's insecurities. Trust me on this. I have a plan.

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Loving Taehyung is easy.

For Jungkook, loving was never easy. He couldn't get attached. Learnt it from an early age, he simply couldn't belong. Loving meant having hope to belong, atleast that's what he was taught by the orphanage.

To love someone meant to hope, that hope lead to attachment and attachment leads to heartbreak.

Yet, when he had met the Alpha who turned out to be his mate, he hadn't felt that urge or that need to belong.  He didn't feel that greed to receive love in return for what he offered.

No.

All Jungkook felt the need to do was simply, to love, without any conditions.

It was rather rare, for a broken soul like Jungkook to find solace in loving someone who didn't belong to him, and most probably never will. Yet, Jungkook couldn't stop his heart from loving.

He didn't want it in return, God no, because how can he, a mere omega, someone as ordinary as he was, so socially unacceptable, ever expect an Alpha like Kim Taehyung to love him?

It simply wasn't possible. Fairytales may sound nice to hear, pleasing to the soul, but they are simply fairytales, an illusion created by humans to give a tiny little hope in the wretched world we live in. Reality, on the other hand, is far too different.

In Taehyung, Jungkook found his solace, his salvation.

Perhaps his adoptive parents were right, when they told him that soulmates were supposed to be your salvation. Because for Jungkook, Taehyung was nothing short of a miracle.

The Alpha had, in a way, saved Jungkook.

The Alpha had built a home for himself in Jungkook's heart, without even knowing. And even after all the pain that Taehyung had bestowed upon the omega, Jungkook's love never faltered, never faded.

It may have been blurred by the cruel words of the Alpha, may have been tinted by the omega's anger, but it never faltered.

If there was one thing Jungkook could never regret himself doing, it would be loving Taehyung.

That was his one honest truth.

An omega like him, who couldn't even bring himself to love his appearance, couldn't help but love someone else, someone who was simply unattainable.

It made no sense. It simply didn't. How can Jungkook love Taehyung so deeply when he couldn't even love himself?

Perhaps, the answer was rather simple, but Jungkook simply didn't think of it because of his thoughts.

Jungkook's love had always been pure. Had always been foundered upon the sheer admiration he had for the Alpha. It was built on the foundation of adoration, not want. It was just pure, innocent in its own truth.

Yet, lately, that love had been evolving, changing.  Perhaps, this is what the orphanage meant when they said that to love means to want. To hope.

Because Jungkook has wants now. His love has wants now.

It made him terrified.

He wants the Alpha's sweet words only to himself. He doesn't want to share.

He wants the Alpha's soft touches all to himself. He doesn't want to share.

He wants the Alpha's intoxicating kisses for himself. He doesn't want to share.

He feels selfish. He feels tainted.

For some reason, he feels like he is tainting the love he has for Taehyung and that just feels wrong.

How can he want the Alpha all to himself when he simply isn't anything special?

He is ordinary. So simply ordinary.

And even as ordinary as he is, he is also simply unacceptable. Atleast by the standards upon which the omega's of the society are placed.

He doesn't belong in that group. He doesn't belong anywhere.

He doesn't understand this sudden need of his heart to hog up all of Taehyung's attention. He just doesn't.

Before, it was just his omega who had these wants, but that was natural, in the wolf's instincts and so, Jungkook hadn't felt guilty.

But now, it wasn't just the omega who had these 'wants', it was him. The human part of Jungkook. The human part which had loved so purely and selflessly for years.

That love, was changing.

No matter how much Jungkook tried to control his heart, it simply wouldn't listen.

Though, it's fair to ask, has his heart ever listened to anything rational when it involved Taehyung?

Now, Jungkook's thoughts were taking a deep dive, into things he never would have bothered to change before, simply because it didn't matter.

Because Taehyung wasn't his before.

But the situation was different now. He belonged to the Alpha. But then, he has always belonged to the Alpha. Though the difference between the past and the present is simply this, that the Alpha belonged to him now too.

It felt surreal, at times to even think of that. Though it ends up making Jungkook feel guilty.

How can he claim his rights over the Alpha when he knows, deep down in his heart that the Alpha deserves better.

It was a bitter truth for him. But the truth nonetheless.

Society wasn't lying when they talked behind his back, about how Taehyung deserved a better looking mate. An omega who met the society's standards.

As harsh as the their words were, they carried some truth.

Jungkook knows he isn't like the other omegas. He never was. He was too 'manly' to be an omega. Too rebellious.

Omegas hardly had tattoos, and yet here he was, an omega whose whole right arm had tattoos covering them.

He had never regretted it before, but now, he did. He regretted ever getting those tattoos done. He wished he hadn't. He wished his skin was untainted by ink, then perhaps, he would have been worthy enough for his mate.

Omegas hardly had one piercing. Jungkook has many. And to top it off, it's  on his lips and his eyebrows, nonetheless. How can he expect to look like a normal omega, 'feminine ' with piercings on his face?

His body had muscles, he was built. Omegas didn't have muscles. Their bodies were constructed in a way that made sure that those muscles won't last. Yet, Jungkook was built different. His body could hold those muscles. Hell, Jungkook is definitely sure that he is more built and toned that Taehyung, who is an Alpha.

He couldn't help but fear, will Taehyung even desire him after he sees his body, bare and naked?

He didn't have soft features, soft skin and sure as hell, didn't have any 'omegish' qualities, so naturally, he wasn't good enough for the Alpha.

These thoughts were eating away at him. Even therapy was not helping. And Jungkook felt himself give in helplessly to those thoughts inside his head.

The changes were gradual. Little things. Like changing his black shirts and leather jackets for soft, pale colored cashmere sweaters.

Like hiding his tattoos, gradually, with his long sleeve shirts and then, with concealer and foundation.

Then came the makeup. The previous Jungkook hated makeup. Felt more comfortable in his bare face but this Jungkook felt so insecure in his own skin that he covered it up, in foundation, eyeshadow and lip gloss. He looked like a doll, no doubt, but he didn't look like Jungkook. He simply didn't.

The final changes were the piercings. Slowly, the earrings came off. Then the eyebrow piercings and then the lip piercings. 

At the end, Jungkook looked like an imposter. But he hoped he could finally be someone who deserved Taehyung, one of those omegas that the society deemed appropriate.

Perhaps, Jungkook had hoped that these changes will make those thoughts go away. Will make his wants go away.

It didn't.

It just made it worse.

Because the question nagging at the back of his mind was the same, always the same.

How can he ever be worthy of the Alpha?

You see, dear reader, years of being told how you will never be worthy does a good amount of damage.

Perhaps, it was time Taehyung repented for all those times he called the omega 'undesirable'.

Afterall, both you and I know, just how dishonest Taehyung was being, when he had said those words.

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Hey my lovelies!

I initially didn't think about addressing this but then I read my book from the start (I was looking to see if I left any loose strings) and I realized that this was one of the major issues that needed to be addressed and solved.

I don't like loose ends in my books. So I figured we need to start by fixing this situation with Jungkook's self esteem and his insecurities.

The next chapter will address this, don't worry, and we will see if Taehyung manages to atleast fix a little bit of the damage he had done.

Like I said before, healing takes time.

Hope you like it.

See ya in the next update!

Let me know your thoughts🥺