Thump.

Gingerpaw's mouth stretched in a small gasp as she fell to the ground, though of course, the she-cat could not hear the sound that escaped her muzzle. Her amber eyes quickly switched behind her, focusing rather quickly on a red tabby tom whose fur was spiked.

That was her mentor and anger was written all over his expression. It was common, actually.

His mouth opened and closed in rapid succession and each of his amber eyes was a separate blaze of vexation as he stared at her. His tail lashed back and forth behind him, almost as if he was attempting to capture the deaf apprentice's attention.

And eventually, he did, as the she-cat pulled herself to her paws, shaking out her dark ginger pelt. His muzzle opened once more and this time a rather familiar motion occurred.

It was almost as if he was pressing his muzzle closed, then opening it, only to let it close and open once more swiftly. Gingerpaw could tell it was her name. Everyone made a similar motion around her and so she assumed it was attached to her. Some cats made it too quickly, almost as if they were slurring it. Others tended to quickly snap it to her when she couldn't hear. And some drew it out as if she could hear if they were slow with speaking to her.

Though she had never really known what her name was, and it wasn't like anyone was ready to teach a deaf cat.

She glanced to at her mentor to notice that his mouth had stopped moving, though soon a sigh escaped it - one she could not hear, of course, though she could recognize the motion. That was common. Gingerpaw was used to cats sighing around her because they simply couldn't communicate well with her.  

So they didn't.

Well, most of them, anyway. Except for Redhawk, her mentor, who she could tell hated trying to speak with her, and it wasn't like he could stop. He had to communicate with her, or at least try to do so. It didn't matter if it succeeded or failed because he was her mentor and so he struggled through it. 

The red tabby in front of her slipped into a crouching position, tail flickering behind him as if inviting Gingerpaw to perform a similar motion. She had learned over time that training with him meant that she had to copy what he was doing.

While the dark-ginger she-cat couldn't hear anything, she had picked up on some things to make her seem somewhat useful to MistClan, even if cats ignored her anyway. Of course, picking up her name was fairly simple, as most cats appeared to be irritated when making the motion of her name around her - likely due to the fact that she couldn't hear them.

It was also easy to pick up body language from cats around her. She'd soon learned that flattened ears meant that the cat was irritated, upset, or afraid, though she knew the first one best. A cat's muzzle could also draw back into something that looked angry as if they'd scrunched up their muzzle so close to their eyes that they couldn't see over it.

A lashing tail most commonly meant that the cat was irritated, impatient, or just nervous. Sometimes cats flicked and lashed their tail around her because they were unsure of how to speak with her. Others let their ears prick or flicker. She learned that the latter was similar to if a cat's tail were to flick, however, if a cat pricked or swiveled their ears, they could be hunting or searching for prey.

Gingerpaw had also seen cats nuzzle each other - they touched noses sometimes too. Others groomed each other or licked their ears. That meant comfort, most likely. It only happened between cats who the she-cat had observed be rather close to each other, physically as well as mentally, it appeared.

Some she-cats tended to follow toms around, trailing at their every word. The she-cats were attached to the toms, although sometimes it was the other way around. Others licked another's shoulder and that seemed to be reserved for special ceremonies where the leader would receive a respectful gesture from a new warrior.

But none of that ever happened with Redhawk. He didn't respect her. If anything, it was the opposite. He disliked her and disliked training with her. It helped not to be hated by him during training, but that was difficult.

Falling into a similar position as her mentor, the tabby tom immediately launched into an attack method. Rather swiftly, the tom jumped upward, springing for a tree that was nearby the two. He extended a paw, newly-unsheathed claws glittering in the sun's rays. Redhawk began to fall, though, with extreme skill, he slashed his claws across the tree, cleanly cutting through its soft bark.

And just like that, the red tabby landed simply on the ground, twisting a little in order to land safely. His body turned a little, swerving into a position that looked mildly uncomfortable to Gingerpaw. It smoothed out a moment or two later, though. Paws thumping lightly, he straightened himself and glanced back to his apprentice.

Gingerpaw knew she had to get it right, so she watched as he pointed at a tree with his tail nearby. His mouth opened and closed rather quickly once more and the she-cat didn't understand this time around. She guessed that it was relating to the fact that she was meant to test the move out on the tree that he had pointed to. That was fine. Her tail flickered; she wasn't too bothered by it.

However, she was bothered for a different reason.

She had seen other apprentices do a similar move to this one, though their move had been far simplified. It didn't have the twist that he'd done. It didn't have the slash at the last moment. It was just a jump with a little flick of the paw to try and slice the tree.

How come everyone else has it easy but I do it the hard way?

It was Redhawk, she knew for sure. There was no question in her mind that it was some special program or something to try and help her get ahead. She didn't need to get ahead. She needed and wanted normal training. But it was her mentor who was making it horrifically difficult for her yet he seemed to pay no attention to it. It wasn't that he didn't care - no. It was more like, if he did, he didn't really seem to understand that Gingerpaw saw everyone else's training.

She didn't know how to explain this to him, so she didn't.

In a moment, Gingerpaw met Redhawk's sharpened amber eyes. He appeared to be waiting for her to repeat the move. A sigh escaped her own muzzle. The she-cat hoped and prayed that she could repeat the move correctly. She slipped into a crouching position and in the corner of her gaze, she caught Redhawk's nod of approval.

Excitement bloomed within her, although within a few seconds it was smashed down, crushed beneath the sharpened rock of Redhawk's eyes. There was no warm or proud expression written over his features. Instead, a stone-still mask was slipped upon his face.

She prepared herself to jump, shifting a little bit as she studied the tree. It had sleek bark, similar to the soft bark of Redhawk's tree. Then, she lunged forward. So far, Gingerpaw thought everything was going well. She hadn't fallen yet and she hadn't messed up yet. 

Well, not until she realized she needed to stick her paw out. Panic flared within her, lighting up her amber eyes to blaze brightly. All around her the air seemed to press tighter. She needed to stick out her paw to slash at the tree otherwise it would be all over. It would be all over.

In her terror, Gingerpaw slipped out of the correct position, and just like that, she plummeted to the ground.

Thump.

The familiar sound echoed in the ears of the cats who could hear. Of course, that wouldn't be Gingerpaw, but she could almost guess how she looked as she fell.

A cold stone of disappointment settled in her belly as she looked up. Above her stood Redhawk, red tabby fur spiked up. His muzzle, which was drawn back in a snarl, moved rapidly. His amber eyes were the very being of an inferno, shiny with rage and bright with fury. Similar emotions were scrawled all over his features. 

He was yelling, of course.

And Redhawk didn't stop. He didn't seem as if he planned to do so, either.

His eyes grew more and more luminescent and Gingerpaw did not answer. She didn't understand what he was even trying to say to her. She didn't know why he scolded her constantly if she wasn't ever going to understand it. Redhawk wasn't necessarily a dumb cat and even a dimmer warrior could grasp the concept that a deaf cat couldn't hear.

So a deaf cat couldn't hear her mentor ranting or her mentor scolding her. Or, for that matter, her mentor coaching her. Not that Gingerpaw was ever encouraged by her mentor. But yelling was far too common for something she couldn't understand.

And so there was no need to.

Gingerpaw's eyes were still trained on Redhawk, blinking and simple as he continued.

He stopped and from what the dark-pelted apprentice could see, he sighed. The she-cat, after seeing that he was done with his yelling, attempted to pull herself to her paws. A heavy paw clamped on her back and she fell to the ground.

It was Redhawk's hefty red paw, she realized. She let out a yelp, hoping that it would get her point across even though she couldn't hear it. Had it been at the right volume? She prayed it had been. Maybe he'd let her go. She wanted to go back to camp and away from this place. His paw pressed down.

Instantly, she felt a sharp tugging at her scruff. She twisted to try and see what was going on and her eyes widened. Her scruff was grasped tightly between Redhawk's jaws, anger and irritation still glittering in his eyes.

She struggled in his grip, but he didn't care. He began to drag her back, ginger pelt getting dustier as she continued to try and escape her mentor's grasp. Though, it was useless, for he was just ignoring her, and so she stopped.

Gingerpaw sighed.

It was common that if she were to mess up during training, or if she were to do something that wasn't up to Redhawk's comically high standards, he would treat her like some sort of helpless kit. It was his form of punishment and she disliked it.

If she were continually unable to catch a piece of prey, he would hiss and snarl at her and use a leaf. He would carefully and laboriously trace through every little step, helping her place her paws in the right places.

She wasn't crippled, she was deaf. She could move just as fine as any other cat and even speak, although most of the time she didn't know what she was saying. That meant she just ended up squeaking and yelping a lot.

And yeah, maybe that meant she had difficulties with certain tasks. But tracing through the steps was what new apprentices did. Apprentices who didn't know any sort of concept about hunting were taught with leaves or little tufts of grass.

Not Gingerpaw. At least, she didn't think so. 

The red tabby dragged his apprentice all the way to camp.

And when they did arrive, Redhawk let go rather quickly. The pressure that had been clamped around her scruff dissipated, though she was shoved forward a little bit, all by Redhawk's doing. A gasp tumbled from her muzzle as she lurched forward, hitting the ground.

Her amber eyes flitted upward, catching sight of two apprentices sitting nearby each other. They were situated at the entrance, tails wrapped tightly over their paws. It appeared as if they had just left the den or perhaps had been on their way in.

That didn't matter. They pointed to her and laughed, glancing amusedly at each other.

One was Viperpaw. His clouded yellow eyes gleamed with everpresent entertainment at laughing at the deaf she-cat. His gray tabby pelt was sleek and smooth though it was ruffled as usual. Although in some cat's eyes it looked a tad bit dumb, nobody would dare insult Viperpaw.

Insulting was Viperpaw's job.

Of course, it was Fishpaw's, too. That was the other apprentice beside Viperpaw. His slender gray tabby form gave him more of a comforting, professional appeal, though he was just as nasty as Viperpaw. Within his sea-green eyes danced a storm of laughter, tail flicking to point at the fallen she-cat.

Gingerpaw could almost hear their jeering tones and what they were laughing at. She could almost grasp their sharpened tones and she could almost interpret exactly what they were saying about her.

She could almost spring forward to understand why Redhawk was always yelling when she couldn't understand. She could almost grasp why her mentor acted like she was a kit after she failed. She was so close to understanding why nobody would talk to her.

But it was just out of reach. Her leap fell short and instead she fell to the ground with the familiar thump that would occur during training.

The dark ginger she-cat miserably pulled herself to her paws. Tail lashing absently behind her, she looked around at the camp. Cats milled around. Some cats' ears pricked. Others' tails flicked. Some spoke soundless words to other cats nearby them.

Gingerpaw's amber eyes caught on her mentor. Redhawk was standing nearby a few other stockily built warriors, red tabby pelt bristling. His mouth moved rather quickly, irritation seemingly radiating from him.

 Quickly, the apprentice swerved toward the apprentice's den. As she padded toward the den, she could feel several gazes burning into her dark ginger pelt. Her pelt prickled, white paws quickly hurrying to get to the den swifter.

And as she padded by Viperpaw and Fishpaw, she took a glance to her side.

A sardonic smile stretched across both of the cat's muzzles. Their eyes twinkled similarly, glittering with malice yet still in amusement at the deaf she-cat's entire situation. Their tails were now curled curtly around their paws, studying her as she padded by.

Viperpaw opened his mouth and supposedly commented on something, and apparently, it was funny, because Fishpaw's muzzle stretched wide as he laughed. The two toms snickered, which fell upon deaf ears as she quickly skirted into the apprentice's den.

Locating her nest by scenting the air, Gingerpaw laid down, curling up tightly. Redhawk's enraged expression flashed into her mind, followed by the more recent situation with Viperpaw and Fishpaw. Her failure during training surfaced within her brain and she buried her head in her paws.

Her ears flattened as if closing out the sounds she could not hear.

As her posture slowly relaxed, a single thought entered her rather empty mind.

I want to hear and communicate with others.

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written by Lamb & edited by Solstice