John pov~

"Hey do you wanna come to my place later with Alex?" Peggy offered.

"I'm hanging out with Martha actually..." I explained.

"Martha...?" Peggy furrowed her brow. "Like, your sister..?"

"That's the one." I smiled a little.

"John..." Peggy paused for a second. "That's great!"

I smiled at her.

"Well, you have fun with Martha, me and Alex are gonna watch Disney movies!" She beamed and grabbed Alex's hand.

I looked at my boyfriend for a second, waiting for him to react to Peggy's words. He didn't show any signs of imminent smartass-ness at all.

"Alex, all good?" I asked, wrapping him in a hug.

"Hmm? Yes, of course."

"Peggy used improper grammar and you've said nothing."

"Oh. She did?" He looked at Peggy tiredly.

"Yeah..." I shot him a suspicious glance. "Are you sure everything's fine?"

"Of course." He smiled, but it seemed fake. "Why wouldn't everything be?"

Alex pov~

"Well, you have fun with Martha, me and Alex are gonna watch Disney movies!" Peggy cheered and took my hand on hers.

I noticed that she said 'me and Alex' instead of 'Alex and I' and I knew I should correct her, but I felt to drained and tired to really care.

"Alex, all good?" John asked as he hugged me.

"Hmm? Yes, of course." I tried to smile but couldn't must the emotions needed.

"Peggy used improper grammar and you've said nothing."

"Oh. She did?" I blinked and looked at Peggy, pretending I didn't notice so as to hopefully be left alone.

"Yeah..." I felt his suspicious eyes fix on me. "Are you sure everything's fine?"

"Of course." I made a lackluster smile. "Why wouldn't everything be?"

He nodded slowly and let me go, saying goodbye and walking off to where his sister was waiting.

—~•~—

I groaned, complaining to my ceiling fan like any sane person would.

"It's so... annoying." I sighed, resting my head on my pillow. "I want to care. I know some part of me does care, but I just can't muster up the emotions to do much of anything! And all the time during which I feel strong emotions– scratch that, any emotions at all, it's this state of pure frustration and I... ugh!"

It whirred in response. I talk to it a lot. It's name is Frank.

"What's wrong with me?" I tugged at my hair a little and Frank made a sympathetic whirring sound.

Oh great, I've started attributing the noises my fan makes to certain emotions.

"I'm hurting my friends and everyone around me but I can't really feel sorry because I feel so insanely drained and disconnected all the time." I frowned. "I feel like I'm watching from a third person point of view inside my body... does that make sense?" I sighed. "No, it doesn't. And I'm talking to a fan instead of a therapist or something."

I bolted upright at the sound of a knock on my door.

"Come in?" I grinned weakly as Martha walked in with a cup of tea.

She set it down on my bedside table and smiled warmly at me. "I know you've been feeling tired lately. Just remember you can come to me for anything, alright?"

I nodded slowly, thanking her and grabbing the cup, taking a sip. Martha walked out and I drank the tea, tasting camomille. Camomille is nice. I also felt a soft wave of tranquility... indifference settle over me, which isn't a usual function of tea I don't think, but nothing seems to be doing it's normal thing right now.

Coffee makes me tired. My emotions seem to have dissipated. My fan is my therapist. Tea makes me feel disconnected from... everything... emotions... whatever.

I sighed, curling up on my blanket and setting the, now empty, cup back down.

I feel so empty, and it hurts.