BORN TO DIE ╱ DRACO MALFOY
꒷꒦ · ˚.‧ . written by ella . . . © -lostgardens
107 ━━━━━━━ ❛ lapse in judgment ❜

Daphne had seemed to be listening to Olivia over the next few days, which made Olivia feel two things. On one hand, she was glad for it—that her threat was enough to make the girl listen without question. And on the other hand, she was a bit upset that Daphne did listen to her, or more so the fact that she couldn't rid her life of the girl once and for all since she was listening.

Draco also didn't seem to mind Daphne's sudden lack of interest in him. Olivia had noticed it in the Great Hall whenever he spotted the blonde witch. It wasn't a look of longing or disappointment on his face when she wouldn't glance in his direction and walk to find her friends. He looked relieved, and then his eyes would search the room for Olivia, usually finding her sitting at the Gryffindor table with the Golden Trio, who had accepted her into their group quite easily. Otherwise, she would be at the Slytherin table, having her ear talked off over nonsense by Train Boy. Luckily, years of friendship with Theodore had prepared her for such occasions.

Theodore. Another thing on her mind, though she tried to ignore it.

He had kissed her.

She had kissed him.

She had told him to kiss her.

She had even liked it a bit. But she knew it wasn't right. She didn't have feelings for him like that. He didn't make her feel the way Draco did, even when she despised the thought. He felt for her like that, however, and that made her feel extremely horrible—guilty. She was guilty because Theodore fancied her; he had said so himself, and even then she knew she didn't feel the same. Yet she still told him to kiss her, and she kissed him back when he did.

Chewing on her bottom lip, Olivia ran over this in her mind. She was sitting in the Great Hall, unsurprisingly at Hermione's side, across from Harry and Weasley—yes, she was still calling him Weasley. They weren't friends—friendly, to an extent, but not friends. Harry and Hermione were her friends, not him.

Part of her was still curious about the fascination Daphne claimed the two boys had with her, though they said it was nothing. She had thought the ginger's fascination landed with Hermione and that Harry had moved on from Cho and to none other than Ginny Weasley. At least, the latter was what Hermione had told her during one of their trips to the library, which had started to become a routine over the past few days. It was quite nice having a studying partner.

"Olivia," she heard someone say as an arm nudged hers. She looked over with raised brows as she released her lip, seeing Hermione staring at her with a small, amused smile. Then she looked forward, seeing Harry and Weasley staring at her as well.

"What?" she asked.

Harry shook his head, also smiling. "Did you hear anything we said?"

"No," she replied truthfully, realizing that she'd been lost in her mind.

The trio shared looks, talking with their eyes. Olivia had realized that they did this a lot when she was around. It was slightly irritating, knowing that they still didn't fully trust her and had their own secret language, but she couldn't expect any less. She was that way with Lucas and had once been that way with Pansy. It came with years of friendship, and it wasn't her place to get them to stop.

Hermione waved her hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it. Harry and Ron were just droning on about Quidditch. Nothing important," she admitted.

Olivia offered a small smile.

"Quidditch is very important," Weasley countered.

"To you," Hermione muttered. "Some of us have more interesting matters to focus on."

Weasley gave her a bored look. "What? Like studying?"

Olivia and Hermione looked at each other, then at the boy. "Yes," they replied in unison. Then the bushy-haired girl, though her hair was growing more tamer as the years went by and she learned how to style it better, raised her chin proudly and continued, "Perhaps if you put your mind to it, then you'd have high marks as well."

Olivia never realized just how similar she and Hermione were until that year.

Weasley repeated Hermione's words under his breath in a mocking tone as she turned to face Olivia. "Speaking of Quidditch, rumor has it that your brother is finally going to try out for the Slytherin team."

Since when was Hermione one to pay attention to rumors?

She wasn't wrong, however. Lucas was going to try out for the team that year. He'd had the worst luck when it came to it over the years. First year, he held off because first years rarely ever got on the team; second year, he wanted to hold off, not thinking he was good enough despite what everyone told him; third year, he'd wanted to but couldn't because of the Triwizard Tournament; fourth year, Umbridge had made the school so miserable that he didn't have the motivation for it, and then she canceled all extracurriculars, including Quidditch. He was finally getting his time to shine. Olivia just hoped it'd work out in his favor. He was a brilliant player from her limited understanding of the sport, but she wasn't sure if he'd get in his head too much about it when it came down to actually trying out.

She nodded with a confirming hum. "He is."

Weasley seemed more interested as he leaned in a bit, his arms crossed as they rested on the table. "What position?"

"He's always wanted to be Seeker," Olivia replied.

"But isn't Malfoy the Slytherin Seeker?" Harry asked, his brows furrowed.

Olivia shrugged, like it was nothing. "Who knows if he's going to play this year?"

Harry seemed to think this over, getting a pointed look from Hermione, who seemed to know what he was thinking, but he didn't say anything more. The topic just moved onto something else, which Olivia only partially listened to.

Once they were done with breakfast, they stood from the table and exited into the corridor, going their separate ways, though they had the same lesson to get to. Weasley apparently had forgotten his Potions book and had to get it from his and Harry's room. She wondered why he couldn't just share with Harry or Hermione and why they all had to go for him to fetch it but didn't question them. She was walking down the corridor by herself, her steps quick as she pushed through the crowd of students with her head held high. She wanted to get to class early so that she could get a decent seat and didn't have to sit with someone she didn't want to sit with. But, just by her luck, a hand wrapped around her upper arm, and she was pulled into an alcove without anyone batting an eyelash in her direction, too caught up in their conversations or also pushing through the crowd to notice, not that she cared.

Firewood.

Mint.

Apples.

Saltwater Taffy.

She already knew whose chest she practically had her face pressed into based on the scent they came from them. She looked up, and her eyes caught onto the familiar gray ones, which were looking down at her more than usual due to the closeness of their bodies. She quickly took a step back, painting a hardened expression on her face as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"What do you want?"

"I'm not mad at you," he said, not quite answering her question.

Her brows furrowed. "What?"

"I'm not mad at you for snogging Nott," he admitted, taking a step closer.

She took another step back, not having much room to move. Her back hit the wall, causing her breath to hitch slightly, but her eyes never left his as her arms fell to her sides. She was genuinely quite surprised by his confession, having thought he wouldn't want to be around her after seeing her snogging someone else, especially when that someone was one of his best mates.

"I'm not upset with you for what happened," he took another step closer, the front of his body brushing against hers, "because... well, I kissed Daphne, but also because I know why you did it."

She tried to blanken her expression again, raising her chin. "And why is that?"

"You're trying to push me away," he whispered, leaning down so that his face was right in front of hers. "I know you don't think you'll be able to stay away from me, so you're trying to get me angry with you so that I won't come near you anymore. Though I can't figure out why, if that is the case, you threatened Daphne."

She didn't let her face falter. "I don't know what you mean."

How could he possibly know about that?

He just softly smiled, looking at her with so much adoration that it squeezed her heart. Her breathing got heavier, and her heart raced harder as he lifted his hand and brushed some hair behind her ear, his touch causing shivers to creep down her spine. Then his hand moved to rest on the nape of her neck while she continued to stare into his eyes, seeing more blue than gray.

"I'm truly sorry for kissing Daphne," he said gently, like he truly meant it. Then he dragged her into him, placing the smallest kiss on her lips, not even giving her enough time to decide if she was going to kiss him back or not before pulling away. He stood up straight, looking over her once as he stepped back, and then he turned to leave.

She watched him walk away, her mouth hanging open as she was struck speechless.

This was going to be harder than she thought.

≀⋆⁺₊⋆ ꗃ 𖦹⨳✺

Throughout the day, Olivia couldn't get Draco's words out of her mind. He wasn't upset with her about kissing Theodore. He said that he knew that she'd done it to spite him. Had she been doing that? She hadn't even realized, but now that he pointed it out for her, it made sense. And she felt even worse about it all. For Theodore's sake. It wasn't as if she hadn't wanted him to kiss her. She did, truly. But now she was aware of the subconscious motives, and the guilt was eating away at her even more than before. He deserved better than what she could offer him, so she didn't understand why he was infatuated with her, even after watching everything between her and Draco over the years.

I could be so good to you, Olivia, if you'd just give me a chance.

She was certain he could, but she knew that she couldn't give him what he wanted. She hoped he would be able to find someone that could. Perhaps that was why he hadn't brought it up to her, cornered her like Draco had done, and spoken to her about it. Perhaps he realized she wasn't what he needed and decided to move on. It was wishful thinking, and she wasn't sure how true it might be, if at all.

She'd let out a sigh when her mind moved onto the fact that Draco knew that she'd threatened Daphne. How did he know? Had the little witch told him? She better not have. Olivia hoped she knew better than that.

Her cheek was resting in her hand, her elbow on top of the desk she sat at. Her eyes drifted, slightly narrowed, as she looked for Daphne around the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. When she found her, she caught the girl already focused on her with a glare. Then she seemed to realize Olivia was staring at her and quickly looked away, her face flashing a bit of fear, which made Olivia fight back a smirk.

Olivia started to turn forward again, but her eyes spotted Pansy, Theodore, and Draco also staring at her. Pansy looked away like Daphne had, though there was no fear on her face, only sternness as she raised her chin proudly. Theodore had a sense of longing in his gaze that Olivia had never noticed before, though she realized then that he'd always had it, before he focused forward too. Draco, however, kept his eyes on her, a smug expression on his pale features, something glinting in his gray eyes.

His gaze was the only one that slightly unsettled Olivia.

She faced forward, only to feel eyes on the other side of her face. She glanced beside her, on the opposite side that Draco sat, and came face to face with Train Boy, who was sitting at the same table as her. He had a blank expression on his face but offered a small smile when his eyes met hers.

She did her best to return it, though hers was a bit stiff.

His smile wasn't one that was comforting to say the least; there was a hint of something behind it that she couldn't quite place, and it was a tad unnerving. She wanted to figure him out. Her eyes stayed on him until he focused on Snape's back as the professor wrote on the chalkboard at the front.

She also focused on the man, doing so until the end of class.

When the bell rang, she packed up her things and stood from her seat. DADA was the last class of the day, so she quickly made her way out of the classroom. She didn't plan on stopping, but she heard Hermione call her name from behind her, and she turned around.

"Are we still heading to the library?" Hermione asked with a small smile as she walked in step with Olivia and held her books close to her chest. Harry and Weasley were walking close behind them, talking with each other about something.

"Uh, actually..." She glanced behind them, seeing the Slytherins trailing closely behind Harry and Weasley. Train Boy wasn't far behind them either. She turned back to Hermione and gave her a sorrowful look. "I'm not feeling well. A bit knackered, so I think I'm just going to head to my room to rest before dinner. I'm sorry."

"It's all right," Hermione replied quickly, waving a dismissive hand, though Olivia could hear the hint of disappointment in her tone. Her hand fell on Olivia's arm, and she gave her a kind smile. "I'll probably catch up with Ginny anyway." She leaned a bit closer. "I've barely seen her since she started seeing Dean Thomas."

"Right." Olivia lightly laughed. "See you later, Hermione."

"See you, Olivia."

After that, Olivia walked off, going back to the common room. She really did want to rest, and she knew that if the others knew she was in her and Pansy's room, they wouldn't come in there. At least, that was what had been happening since the party. She didn't even pause as she entered the common room; she just headed up the stairs and went to her room.

She kicked off her Mary Janes and slung her bag off her shoulders, setting it on her bed before falling down next to it. Her face was buried in her pillow, and she stayed like that for she didn't even know how long before she grabbed Mr. Snake and cuddled him, flipping over so that she was on her back and he was held to her chest. She stared up at the ceiling as her thoughts roamed, going over everything that had happened throughout the day.

She knew it was going to be harder than she thought to stay away from Draco. Not only because he wasn't going to give up any time soon, unless she really stuck it to him that it was over, but because she missed him. Dearly. She didn't want to tell him that it was over because she knew it wasn't, even though she was still upset with him about what happened in her room. She liked and disliked his persistence. She wished he'd just leave her alone, but she knew if he did, she'd be upset and hurt by it. She'd grown so used to him always being around, always trailing behind her like a lap dragon. Her lap dragon. How was she supposed to give that up? She knew she had to; it was for the best, after all. Their pretending and keeping their relationship, whatever it was, to themselves never worked; they were never going to work out.

She knew that.

She just wished he did as well.

Time passed by, how much she didn't know, and frankly, she didn't care. She knew she should use the free time she finally found herself with to take a look at the Crestgrove book, discover what it was all about, or perhaps continue to study up on ones in history who knowingly possessed the Sight so that she might find out the name of whom spoke her prophecy—it was all connected somehow; she didn't know why or how, but she was certain that it was—but she was in no mood to. So she just continued to aimlessly stare at the ceiling, her breathing calm, and as she predicted, neither Pansy nor the others ever showed up to the room.

With that peace of mind, her appetite not really apparent, she closed her eyes, deciding that she'd rather sleep, despite the consistent nightmare, than get up and go to dinner. But before she could fall into her slumber, there was a knock at the door.

Her eyes snapped open, and she waited until she heard it again, then groaned in annoyance, squeezing her eyes shut. She swore if it was Train Boy wondering why she wasn't at dinner, which she was sure had started or was about to, based on the darkness that had taken over the room, the only light being the green hue from the lake, she'd have some words for him. She contemplated not getting up, waiting for the person, whomever it was, to assume no one was home and leave. But curiosity killed the cat, and she rose from her bed, practically slamming Mr. Snake down in her spot.

Walking over to the door, Olivia's sock-covered feet dragged across the wood. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she focused on the door and opened it. The person that stood behind the door was not who she'd expected, but they were someone she really did not want to see either way.

"Pansy's not here, Draco," she told him before trying to close the door.

His hand fell on the wood before she could shut him out, and he pushed the door open again, getting a surprised look from her. "Good," he said lowly. He stepped forward, not giving her a second to react, and grabbed the sides of her face in his hands, pulling her closer to him. His lips fell hard against hers, and she froze in place. Then he felt her relax as she melted into the kiss, her hand raising to entangle her fingers in his hair.

It was blissful having his lips on hers again. Earlier that day in the alcove had not been enough—the small little peck he'd given her, despite what she wanted to be true—what she knew had to be true, for everyone's sake. He hadn't even offered her a chance to react to that kiss, so she was taking as much of the opportunity with this one as she could, even though she knew she shouldn't.

It only lasted for a moment longer, the passion barely being able to burn, before he pulled back, keeping his face close to hers as he watched her eyes flutter open. He was still holding her face, his eyes staring intently into hers. "Do you want me to leave?" he asked in a whisper, his breath fanning over her lips.

Olivia couldn't help the flutters in her stomach at the thought of what might happen if he stayed, no matter how much she wanted to curse them away—or rather, how much she wanted herself to want to curse them away. His expression was contorted into one of longing, a feeling that made her heart race. She was certain she looked in much of the same state as him, her eyes flickering over his gaze. She took a few deep breaths, knowing that she shouldn't let him stay. But she stepped even closer nonetheless, the front of her body brushing against his, just as it had earlier that day in the alcove.

She shook her head. "No."

He seemed relieved by her admission.

She pulled him closer by the front of his robes, kissing him again, opening her mouth to let his tongue in. They walked backwards into the room, one of his arms wrapping around her back to pull her against him as he controlled their steps. His free hand pushed the door closed behind them. Their lips stayed connected as he undid her robe, pushing it off her shoulders, then worked to undo her tie and the buttons of her shirt. She did the same to him as he finished and let her shirt fall to the floor with her tie and robe. But when she went to push his shirt off his shoulders, he broke their kiss and quickly stepped back.

Her brows furrowed, her eyes roaming him and taking in his hesitant state with confusion written on her face. A pit formed in her stomach, but she didn't question him on why he wouldn't let her remove his shirt fully, not wanting the answer, so she just stepped forward and kissed him again. He was stiff for a moment before he melted into the connection once more, and they picked up where they left off. She was only in her bra, skirt, knickers, and knee-highs, while he still had on his shirt, though it was unbuttoned, as well as his trousers, socks, and shoes.

He turned them so that Olivia's back was to the end of her bed, his hands on her waist and hot against her skin. His lips remained on hers as they continued backwards and then fell back onto her bed. The kiss broke as he caught himself from falling completely on her, and she fell on top of Mr. Snake. She struggled to get the stuffed bear out from under her, but when she did, she tossed him off the bed, not caring where he ended up at the moment.

When she focused on Draco, she saw his amused expression and watched while his eyes roamed her face, taking in her furrowed brows, and then they laughed, his forehead falling to rest against hers, their noses brushing. He pecked her lips once the laughter settled and began to move down her body, his hot mouth planting small kisses along her neck, between her breasts, on her stomach, and on her thighs. Her fingers carded through the hair on the back of his head, and she watched him make his way down her body with heavy breaths.

He looked up at her when he stopped, kneeling on the floor as his fingers brushed her thighs, right above the tops of her knee-high socks. Her breath hitched as the feeling of his fingertips on her skin, and she sat up, swallowing to wet her dry throat and propping herself up with her elbows. She watched him intently; her pupils dilated as he slid her socks off of her legs slowly, studying his own movements closely. She felt her muscles twitch under his touch, her heart beating rapidly.

"You look good on your knees, Draco," she whispered breathlessly.

He paused just as he finished taking off her second sock and looked up at her with raised brows, only to see her smirking. He matched her smirk, shaking his head in amusement as he discarded the socks on the floor and moved back up to kiss her. They fell back on the bed, Draco settling between her legs as she bent her knees. Olivia's arms wrapped around the back of his neck as he continued to kiss her deeply, one of his hands brushing along her side as the other found the zipper of her skirt.

He pulled back, and her arms settled by her sides as she watched him slowly pull her skirt down, lifting her hips in aid. He tossed the skirt to the floor, then stood up again, looking over at her with blown-out pupils. He removed his shoes and socks and then reached for his belt. He paused as his eyes met hers. "Are you sure?"

She nodded, biting her lip in anticipation. "Yes."

That was all he needed to hear before he unbuckled his belt and unzipped his trousers, pulling them down and coming back to hover over her. She smiled up at him, which he returned, and then they kissed.

≀⋆⁺₊⋆ ꗃ 𖦹⨳✺

When Olivia stirred awake the next morning, her mind was in a bit of a fog, not immediately remembering what had happened the night before. Not until she felt a weight around her waist and her eyes snapped open, only to see Draco sleeping peacefully next to her. It didn't go past her that he was still wearing his unbuttoned shirt; he had the whole time they were...

Someone cleared their throat, startling her more than the memory had. She sat up quickly, holding the sheet to her chest since she was completely bare underneath. Her eyes fell on Pansy, who had Blaise, Lucas, Crabbe, Goyle, and Theodore standing behind her. Her hasty movements seemed to wake Draco up, that and her hand smacking his arm, and he sat up as well, focusing on the ones Olivia stared at with slightly wide eyes.

She was cursing herself in her mind.

Each and every one of them had shock on their faces. Pansy looked a bit amused, however, while Blaise tried to hide his smirk. Crabbe and Goyle seemed to be frozen in place. Lucas looked disgusted at the fact of what had clearly happened between his sister and Draco. And Theodore... Well, Theodore looked hurt, and Olivia couldn't blame him for that. Something pegged in her heart, not at the sight of his stern, almost scowling look, but the emotion he was trying to hide in his eyes.

When her gaze met his, he looked away, rolling his eyes.

That only made her feel worse.

"I'll be in the common room," Lucas muttered, then left the room.

Theodore took a step back. "Yeah, I'll join you."

"Theodore..." Olivia murmured, watching the boy turn his back on her and leave as well.

Pansy and Blaise didn't even seem to notice the regret on Olivia's features as Crabbe and Goyle followed Theodore and Lucas; the girl's smirk just deepened. Blaise leaned closer to her but kept his eyes on Olivia and Draco in front of them. "I told you they'd be back together soon enough," he said to his girlfriend, causing Olivia's focus to snap to him and her eyes to narrow. Pansy found his gaze, and he offered her a small smirk. "There you were all worried that this time was any different."

"We are not together," Olivia interjected harshly, glancing over at Draco, who looked over at her with furrowed brows. He was probably wondering why she countered it as quickly as she did. "We never have been." She focused on Blaise and Pansy again. "This was just a...lapse in judgment."

Draco scoffed, rolling his eyes as he looked away from her. Pansy didn't seem to be buying the argument either, giving Olivia a knowing look, still with a smirk on her face. Blaise simply shook his head in amusement.

She ignored all of them, narrowing her eyes slightly. "Might you leave now so that I can get dressed?" Her tone was clipped, and Pansy and Blaise must've realized that she wasn't in the mood to deal with them because they raised their hands defensively and left without another word, closing the door behind them. Olivia waited until she was sure they were truly gone before she groaned, gathering the sheet around her and standing up from the bed, pulling it along with her.

"Olivia!" Draco quickly gathered the duvet to place over himself, seeing as his shirt was the only thing he was wearing.

She wasn't sure why he was being so dramatic about it. It wasn't as if she hadn't seen him naked before. Though she supposed the same could be said about her clutching the sheet to her bare body as if her life depended on it despite the fact that he'd already seen her naked before. She tried not to think about that as she went over to her wardrobe, wanting to put distance between them. She held the sheet even closer to her body as she turned around, her eyes falling over the discarded clothes on the floor and Draco sitting in her bed. He looked almost angelic, with his pale skin that was only blushed on his cheeks, his light eyes, and his pale hair, which was messy from sleep. He looked relaxed, as if they hadn't just been caught in bed together.

Olivia didn't even remember falling asleep after they'd... finished. They'd been talking, and then it was blank. It was surprising to her given how much energy they'd had afterwards. She felt her face heat at the thought. She certainly didn't regret it by any means; she wanted it to happen; she just wished they hadn't been discovered—that they could've kept it between them. She knew this was set to make its rounds about the school, and she wasn't ready for the backlash. How was she supposed to explain this to Harry and Hermione? And Weasley, too, she supposed, though his opinion didn't really matter to her.

She chewed on the inside of her cheek as she and Draco, who was holding himself up with his hands placed behind him, just watched each other. Her mouth opened and closed once before she opened it to finally speak. "This can't happen again, Draco." Her voice was barely above whisper, so she cleared her throat. She tucked some hair behind her ear, knowing that he wouldn't listen to her unless she said something that would get him to want to leave her alone. "It was a mistake."

She didn't mean it, but he didn't need to know that.

Should it have happened? No, but it wasn't a mistake. She would do it again, even if she got a chance to use a Time-Turner for a redo.

Draco didn't say anything as he stood from the bed, turning his back towards her. He bent over, no doubt to grab his black boxers off of the floor next to the bed. He slipped them on and stood as she watched his every move. He found his trousers and socks next, moving to the front of the bed, where most of their clothes were. He put those on as well, then began buttoning his shirt. He picked between the ties, trying to decide which one was his, but then noticed the Slytherin pin on one of them, which belonged to him, and took that one, lying the other on the bed. Finally, he checked the robes, grabbing the longer one, which had to be his given their height difference (it also had a green Prefect pin).

It was then that he finally looked up at Olivia, placing the robe over his arm. He grabbed his shoes, not bothering to put them on, and walked over to her, his eyes not leaving her eyes and hers not leaving his, her head turning back while he got closer and closer. He offered a small smile, one that she adored. "Whatever you say, darling." He pecked a kiss on her lips before turning around and going over to the door.

He left without another word, leaving Olivia speechless as the door shut.

Darling.

She felt her face heat and her stomach flutter at the name, a small smile turning up at her mouth. He'd never called her that before. It was new, and she didn't mind it. Merlin's sake! She cursed herself, stomping her foot as her face fell. She didn't mind it.

No, she needed to mind it.

She did mind it.

≀⋆⁺₊⋆ ꗃ 𖦹⨳✺

━━━━ ella's speaking !
tysm for 55K !!!

i fear olivia is so conflicted with her feelings, and that doesn't change any time soon 🌚

make sure to comment and vote 🫶🏻

kisses.

━━━━━━━━━━ born to die,
© -LOSTGARDENS,     jan 2025

word count: 5420. written: 10.6.24. published: 1.22.25.