BORN TO DIE    ╱    DRACO MALFOY
꒷꒦ · ˚.‧ . written by ella . . . © -lostgardens
050 ━━━━━━━ ❛ water-soaked kiss ❜

Sneaking down the corridors and avoiding any wandering professors, prefects, or ghosts had been a lot easier than Olivia and the others expected. The prefects were making their rounds, yes, but since it was the Slytherin prefects that night, they never went near the dungeons on the off-chance they'd catch their housemates. It was sort of an unspoken privilege in the house.

It didn't take long for them to reach the Black Lake. Each of them was bundled in autumn clothing but had swimwear underneath. The others had been whining the entirety of their journey from the dungeons to the lake about how they'd be cold and have to cast warming charms, but Olivia was fine. The cold didn't bother her.

"I still don't think this is a good idea," Daphne repeated, her face twisted in worry as she looked at the lake in front of them.

"Yeah, Olivia, I'm not so sure either," Pansy agreed, moving forward. She squatted down and dipped her fingers into the water of the lake, then quickly jerked them out and stood. "It's terribly freezing," she informed them, wiping her fingers on her coat.

"Well, you two can stay here, on land, then," Olivia began, sounding as if she didn't have a care in the world and half-shrugging her shoulders. She dropped her gloves on the ground, making eye contact with Draco, who was eyeing her every move. She wished he'd stop staring at her. "I, however, am getting into the water." She met her best friend's eye as she pulled off the clothes (as well as her shoes) that were covering the bathing suit she wore underneath.

Theodore, Lucas, and Blaise turned completely around respectfully, acting as if she were wearing nothing at all, while Daphne and Pansy glanced away from her, focusing on the sky. Draco, however, despite the actions of his friends, let his eyes linger a little longer than he probably should've. Then he hastily looked away, and even though it was dark, Olivia could see the faint pink on his face.

She breathed out a small, barely-there chuckle and then started to walk away.

"Where are you going?" she heard Draco ask.

She looked over her shoulder with a small, slightly wicked smile, meeting his eyes. "I'm going to swim," she replied, sounding like it was completely obvious. It was, but Draco always seemed to like to ask the most obvious of questions. It drove her insane.

"Why not swim here?" He gestured to the water in front of them.

"Because I've heard of a special spot, and I would like to find it," she told him, fully turning her body to face him. "Hence, not swimming here." An almost sarcastic tone laced her voice, like she was messing with him. Her eyes slightly widened, and her smile got bigger and more wicked.

That seemed to draw Draco even closer. He took a few steps towards her, glancing back at his friends who were in a conversation. Pansy and Daphne had their arms wrapped around their bodies, trying to keep warm even though they were still bundled in their thick clothing. The boys seemed to be fine, though Theodore shivered a few times. Then he focused back on Olivia, only to see her walking away again.

He jogged forward a few steps, catching up with her. "Mind if I join?" he inquired, raising his brows as he stared down at her. She stayed facing forward, not saying anything as she continued to walk towards her so-called "special spot," whatever that meant. He kept up with her pace, knowing not to expect an answer. "I'll take the silence as a yes," he said, despite still walking with her.

He was right. She minded. She did not want anyone to have any more fuel to add to the Olivia-has-a-crush-on-Draco fire that would no doubt be floating around the air of Hogwarts like a ghost by breakfast. But alas, she didn't tell him to stay behind, go hundle up with their friends, or find another spot to swim. No, she just let him walk alongside her, with his eyes on the side of her face more than not.

And after many paces forward, they were no longer in direct sight of their friends. Olivia came to an abrupt stop, and Draco took a few more steps before he realized. He turned around, watching her cross the ground and waste no time getting into the water. He tried to even his breathing.

There was a splash in the water, disturbing the stillness as she jumped in with no hesitation. He watched her closely, wondering why she was barely speaking to him. Well, she'd always rarely spoken more than a few sentences in his direction at a time, but this year was different. This year, she had declared them friends, though she told him not to think too much of it. He had, even for a small moment, let himself believe that she was, in fact, the one who thought too much of it. But that couldn't be, of course. He knew the hope was foolish—the hope that she might actually consider him a little greater than just a friend.

He was foolish.

But something was different that year. He knew it. She declared them friends, yes, but she also would choose to look at him first when she was speaking, thinking, or excited (the rare times she showed it). She spoke to him about certain things, thanked him for her birthday gift (she hadn't done that in the two prior years), and she even joked with him.

Maybe he was thinking too much of it all, like she'd told him not to do.

He knew he shouldn't. He knew those feelings—thinking too much into things made you weak. His father had always told him so, despite claiming to have such a deep love for the boy's mother. Falling for someone would make him soft—weak and naive. But not just that—any feelings his father claimed to be the destruction of any respectable man. Olivia had even warned him, not to the extent or with the exact words of his father, but that was how he took it. Do not fall for her, he always reminded himself.

He shouldn't feel at all.

He knew all of that—lived and breathed that—but he could help it when it came to her.

Taking a deep breath, Draco took off the autumn clothes he'd been wearing, leaving him in only swim briefs, and he made his way into the water. Olivia was floating above the surface of the lake, not seeming the slightest bit fazed by the coldness that was shocking Draco's body. He bit back his grimaces and watched her closely.

The moon was out and bright, shining down on her. It cast such an aluminescent glow on her pale skin. She looked like an angel. Though, from the stories he had heard and the first-hand encounters he'd had, Draco knew she was far from that. At least to other people.

To him, she was an angel in her own way.

He moved through the water, trying to ignore the coldness as he cursed himself for not casting a warming charm before he followed her into the water. He knew she could feel his presence. Of course she could. It always seemed like she had eyes in the back of her head. Always knowing the moves around her, the people watching her, and the public and secret actions of others. She knew everything.

She was amazing.

The silence was so loud for both of them. He admired her, studying her soft features as she looked away from him. She watched the sky, eyeing the gleaming stars while trying not to glare at him for staring too long. There was no use; it wouldn't change anything.

He would still look at her with that look. The one that everyone seemed to think she looked at him with. The lovestruck, hopelessly lost-in-trance-at-the-sight-of-her look. He was the only one who looked at her that way. She despised it. It was so bloody annoying.

Having enough, Olivia met his gaze with fury in hers.

He didn't even blink.

"Is this your special spot?" he questioned her, breaking the silence before she could.

Releasing a deep breath through her nose, she turned away from him, letting him eye the back of her head. "I suppose," she clipped, dragging her fingers across the top of the water.

His eyes remained on her. "You suppose?"

She gave him a bored, sideways look, to which he just raised his brows questioningly. After a moment, she focused away and let out a sigh. "Well, let us see," she muttered, moving to a different spot in the water and a bit closer to him. Her gaze was on the stars and the sky, and his was still on her. She studied the blinking diamonds in the sky for a moment, then focused on him once more. "Come here," she instructed, waving her hand towards herself.

He furrowed his brows but did what he was told. Moving beside her, he continued to stare into her green eyes while she kept looking away and back at him, almost like she couldn't stand to focus on him for more than a couple of seconds.

It took her a moment to speak, to tell him what she was thinking. "Look there." She pointed to the dark sky above them, straight ahead of where they were. He did as he was told. "You see that?" she asked, now being the one to stare at the side of his face.

He shook his head. "I see stars."

"Look closer. Focus on a specific set of stars," she suggested, though it was more of a demand than a suggestion. "What do you see?" She focused on where she was telling him to look. "Straight ahead," she added, keeping a thin finger pointed to where she was looking as she tried to get him to notice.

It took a long moment, with Draco staring at the stars and Olivia glancing between him and the sky, seeing the soft, turning-a-little-sharper features he held and the long eyelashes that fluttered as he blinked and tried to focus better. And then he finally realized what he was looking at.

"It's Draco," he mumbled, sounding astonished, like it was unbelievable.

He was finally seeing it. He was finally seeing Draco for the first time in person. After years of staring at the night sky, shining stars, and photographs, when he became disappointed yet again by his lack of discovery, he finally saw it. Twenty stars connected together and were explained to make a shape that looked like a dragon—the meaning of the name. The first four stars—the head of the dragon—made up the shape of a trapezoid. The other sixteen winded through a part of the sky, making up the body and tail of the creature. It was beautiful.

His eyes stayed trained on it.

Olivia didn't know why she was being kind. Showing the boy that people already believed she had feelings for (the thought was so disturbing to her) the constellation that he was named after and had been searching to find for so long. It was so gross and thoughtful of her. And even worse, she had taken the time to find a specific spot in the Black Lake to be able to see it from.

She wanted to go under the water and forget the entire interaction.

"It's beautiful," Draco said, breaking the silence that had fallen between them and removing her from her thoughts.

She focused on him; he was still staring at the constellation. He looked relaxed, like this was a life-altering moment for him. He was finally seeing it, she realized—the thing he had dreamed of. It had been years of him searching, and each night he'd been met with disappointment.

She had ended that cycle.

"Yes, it is," she breathed, a sudden feeling overcoming her.

He met her gaze, their faces terribly close. Closer than they'd ever been.

Her eyes flickered over his features as he did the same with her. Did he have freckles on the bridge of his nose? Was his skin not as perfect-porcelain as she thought? And were his eyes a little bluer than usual, missing their normal cloudiness? Or was she imagining things?

When she glanced down and realized the small, closed-lipped smile taking over his lips, she immediately looked to the sky, cursing herself in her mind. What was she doing? She'd planned on staying away from him for the greater good, but here she was—too close to him than she knew she should be. Giving him false hope.

She moved away from him, keeping a foot or so between them. Her eyes didn't even fall in his direction as she felt him continue to stare at her, heating her face. She wasted not another second dunking under the surface, not wanting to have to face him any longer.

Maybe the coldness of the water would send her into shock, and she wouldn't have to come back up. Or maybe the merpeople and other creatures that lurked beneath the surface would snatch her and take her away. Or maybe the water would cool the heat of her skin, so when she resurfaced, she could face him again and be a little better.

So she waited. And with her luck, there was no shock from the cold or creatures to take her away. But she did feel slightly better, and she knew she could stay under there forever. But when she came back up, Draco was still in front of her, eyes trained on her and a flat expression. He looked hurt and upset behind the brave face he was keeping up, and something pegged in her gut, making it twist and turn.

There was still only a foot between them. She faced him with the Draco constellation in the sky shining down on them from behind her. Her breathing was hard and ragged as she stared into his eyes. The moonlight on his face enhanced his features, making them all the more breathtaking.

...Breathtaking? Since when did she think anything about him was breathtaking?

Her mind scrambled, thinking about the conversation from earlier and how she was described looking at Draco—like she was obsessed... in love. She wasn't; she was sure of that. But still, did others really think that? And why did it matter? It didn't. What was she thinking? No one's opinions ever mattered to her, especially if they were completely and utterly... wrong.

They were wrong; she'd kept telling herself that. But right then, she wasn't so sure. Why wasn't she sure? She should be. It was Draco Malfoy, for Merlin's sake! Up until that year, she had thought of him as the bane of her existence, which sometimes he still was. He'd been the one person she despised most in the world. An arrogant twat like his father. He was the boy who used his money and blood status as "power" against others and made himself seem superior when he was nothing of the sort.

He was Draco Malfoy.

"Olivia." His voice was so quiet, she barely heard it.

She met his gaze, finding only confused, full-of-thought eyes. Inhaling deeply, she looked away from him and to the water that they stayed still in. She wasn't sure of anything in that moment.

She'd remembered reading a poem about a fond kiss, one that came and went—a one and done. A goodbye. There was no clue as to why that came to her mind in this moment, as she floated in the freezing water of the Black Lake, only a foot or less away from the boy she wasn't supposed to even be friends with. Neither were saying goodbye, so Ae Fond Kiss by Robert Burns shouldn't be repeating in her mind.

But it was...

Ae fond kiss, and then we sever;
Ae fareweel, and then forever!
Deep in heart-wrung tears, I'll pledge thee,
Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee.
Who shall say that Fortune grieves him,
While the star of hope she leaves him?
Me, nae cheerfu' twinkle lights me;
Dark despair around benights me.

I'll ne'er blame my partial fancy,
Naething could resist my Nancy;
But to see her was to love her;
Love but her, and love forever.
Had we never lov'd sae kindly,
Had we never lov'd sae blindly,
Never met—or never parted—
We had ne'er been broken-hearted.

Fare thee weel, thou first and fairest!
Fare thee weel, thou best and dearest!
Thine be ilka joy and treasure,
Peace. enjoyment, love, and pleasure!
Ae fond kiss, and then we sever;
Ae fareweel, alas, forever!
Deep in heart-wrung tears, I'll pledge thee,
Warring sighs and groans, I'll wage thee!

She found Draco's still-staring-at-her eyes again and let out a deep breath. There was a fog that fell from her mouth, her breathing showing in the chilled air. She was finally feeling the coldness of the water and air against her burning skin. Slowly, she moved closer, trying to calm herself. She didn't know what she was doing; she didn't know why she was doing it, but she was.

"Olivia," he repeated her name in another faint whisper.

She wanted to be sure.

Lifting her hand gently, she brushed it against his shoulder. He shuddered, and his eyes went a little wider—not much, but she noticed it still. She paused for a beat of silence before she moved closer, resting her hand flat on his bare skin. He was cold to the touch. She wondered if he was always like that or if it was just because of where they were.

Her eyes danced across where they met, and then they flickered between his eyes. What was she doing? She kept repeating that in her mind, yet she still didn't know. Her moves were completely thoughtless, almost like she was in a trance. She pulled him closer as she moved even closer. He seemed to be holding his breath, and she swore she saw his gaze on her lips for a blink of an eye.

She wanted to be sure. She had to be sure.

She inhaled deeply, then exhaled and pulled him a little closer until their faces were a mere inch apart. Her green hues went between his gray-blue ones and then onto his lips, despite how much she wished she hadn't. She leaned in a little further.

And then she put her lips on his.

Both of them stilled and held their breaths, Draco from shock and Olivia from contradicting thoughts. She squeezed her eyes closed and pushed a little further, trying her best to well... kiss him. He was tense; his whole body felt like a statue; he was so still. They were both just there, in the water, with met lips.

Neither had a clue as to what they were doing. Olivia had only read about kisses in books and poems, and Draco never crossed the subject in art media, only in small imaginings. So far, he hadn't moved, almost like her move had frozen him, and Olivia wasn't sure if it had been the best idea to test her theory—to see if what people believed she felt was the truth.

But finally, after a moment, Draco moved. He pushed his lips further into hers. They were finally kissing. It was a real kiss. Olivia's heart paced, beating against her chest achingly. She was nervous, the worries finally catching up to her.

Was this a bad idea? She shouldn't have done this. Why was she kissing him? Draco Malfoy, for Merlin's sake!

The short-lived kiss only lasted a second longer before Olivia practically jumped back from him, her breathing rapid and her eyes widening with horror. All she muttered was, "I shouldn't have done that." A slightly shaking hand slapped over her mouth once the words escaped, and then she moved further away from him.

He gave her a look of confusion. "Olivia," he said her name again with that same breathy tone.

She held up her hands, pushing herself backwards in the water and towards the edge of the grounds from where she had jumped in. He moved forward, trying to catch up with her, but she was out of the water before he could even make it a foot closer.

Her feet hastily carried her across the grass, and she could hear Draco get out of the water from behind her. She glanced over her shoulder, seeing him shivering, and quickly put his clothes back on as she paced forward. It took her no time to get back to her friends and Daphne. Draco was right behind her, though, calling out her name.

They all sat on the grass, bundled in their warm clothes, no doubt with warming charms cast around them, and on a blanket that one of them had conjured up. Olivia grabbed her clothes quickly, finally chilly from the weather, and practically threw them on as Draco stopped behind her.

"Olivia," he said, sounding disappointed.

She ignored him, not meeting his gaze and zipping up her jacket. "I'm going to go inside; you all stay out here if you want. Please stay out here and enjoy your time," she told her friends and Daphne, offering them a tight-lipped smile. And before anyone could speak, she bolted for the castle, digging her hands in her pockets to make sure she still had her wand.

What had she done? Why had she done that?

She'd plead temporary insanity if ever questioned about it.

No, she'd pretend it never happened.

Yeah, it never happened. Never.

≀⋆⁺₊⋆ ꗃ 𖦹⨳✺

She sat on the floor of the stone shower, contemplating everything. It didn't happen was what she had repeated to herself the whole way back through the castle, the dungeons, and her room. She hadn't even tried to be sneaky as she walked through the corridors, too caught up in her own mind.

She had... kissed Draco Malfoy. Utter disgust ran through her body at the thought. She'd been kind to him and showed him the one thing he'd wanted to see most in his life, and then she kissed him. Him! She had kissed that boy, the one that her mother told her not to make more than a friend.

Well, she hadn't swore... And since when did she listen to her mother? No! She hated the part of her mind that came up with reasons for the sin she had committed.

The sound of the door of her room opening and closing sounded, snapping her out of the sickening-on-both-sides argument in her head. Pansy and Daphne must be back, she supposed. How wonderful. She sighed, unwrapped her arms from around her brought-to-her-chest knees, and stood.

She needed to finish her shower. Yeah, that was all it was—certainly not an excuse for her to avoid her roommates for a little longer. They'd no doubt want an explanation from her practically running away from her own idea, and she wasn't ready to give them one. She didn't have one that she ever wanted to pass her lips.

It never happened if she didn't admit it.

She washed her hair with her shampoo, conditioned it, then cleaned her body and stood under the raining water for a few minutes longer before she finally got out, ready to face the two that lingered on the other side of the door. She cursed herself for not bringing any pajamas into the bathroom with her. And she put her wand under her pillow like always, meaning that she couldn't transfigure her towel into clothes.

She pulled open the door of the bathroom after turning off the shower and wrapping a towel around her body. And then she exited, coming face-to-face with her roommates. They were no longer in their autumn-winter coats, scarves, and gloves, which were discarded on the floor beside their beds. Their cheeks were pink and rosey from the chill of the air. But none of that was what Olivia noticed first. Both girls had curious looks twisted on their faces, and they were extra silent, maybe not knowing what to say or waiting for her to say something first.

She didn't know which it was. Perhaps both.

No matter, she made her way over to her dresser and pluck some pajamas out. She returned to the bathroom, changed, and then went back into the room. The girls were still staring at her with those longing and questioning looks.

She wondered if Draco had told them. She prayed to Merlin that he hadn't.

Matching their gazes as she walked over to her bed and turned down the comforter, she sat down on her bed. She continued to stare at them as the silence in the room became so apparent and loud that she felt a headache approaching and greeting her mind.

After another moment, she let out a breath, turning away from them and laying down. "I don't want to talk," she told them, grabbing Mr. Snake. She brought him close to her chest as she got comfortable under her duvet and let them stare at the back of her head.

They stayed quiet for a long moment before Pansy replied, "Neither do we."

"Yeah, we're tired too," Daphne added.

Olivia was glad for that.

She didn't say anymore, and neither did they. She fought her thoughts that filled her mind and confused her as she heard them getting ready for bed as well. But eventually they settled down, the candles lighting their room were blown out, and the air was still as the creatures plaguing the waters of the Black Lake passed by their window.

She fell asleep for another restless night of sleep with only one thing—one person on her mind.

She was not ready to face the next day.

≀⋆⁺₊⋆ ꗃ 𖦹⨳✺

━━━━ ella's speaking !
first chapter of the new year, first kiss between olivia and draco, and the halfway mark of act three!! be excited

the poem mentioned in this chapter is NOT my original work!! it is "Ae Fond Kiss" by Robert Burn, as stated—just need to make that clear

n e ways, i'm so sorry this took me so freaking long (literal weeks) to finish & get published. i've been struggling to write sm lately, especially this chapter even though i was extremely excited for it 😭

i really hope you enjoyed nonetheless!! and i hope the kiss wasn't terribly awkward (even tho they're 13 & 14 and have never kissed anyone before so it's destined to be)

make sure to comment & vote !!

kisses.

━━━━━━━━━━ born to die,
© -LOSTGARDENS, jan 2024

word count: 4322. written: 1.1.24. published: 1.1.24.