BORN TO DIE    ╱    DRACO MALFOY
꒷꒦ · ˚.‧ . written by ella . . . © -lostgardens
038 ━━━━━━━━ ❛ dumb obsession ❜

Jumping awake, Olivia's wide eyes darted around. She was in her room; the nightmare was not real. It was just that—a nightmare. She let out a rigid breath, relief washing over her as she looked over at the two girls who lay soundly asleep in their beds. She wondered how they slept through her nightmares; she was sure that she made some type of noise—screams, cries, something—but yet they were still in a deep sleep.

Shaking the thoughts from her mind, she set Mr. Snake on the bed next to her and ran a hand through her tangled hair. Then, after a moment of trying to soften her breathing, she glanced at the clock—it was two in the morning. It wasn't her usual waking time, but she knew she probably wouldn't be able to go to sleep again, so she sighed once more and stripped the duvet and sheets from over her legs.

Getting up from her bed, she grabbed her wand out from under her pillow and made her way to the bathroom. She flicked on the light once the door was closed, making sure it wouldn't disturb her roommates, and then she turned on the sink's faucet. She placed her wand on the counter before splashing some cold water on her face, trying to ease her nerves and the heat coursing through her body.

Once she was calmer, she grabbed her wand, flicked off the light, and muttered a quick "Lumos," causing her wand to glow a bright white-blue light at its tip. She left the bathroom, taking quiet steps as she went back to her bed and grabbed her slippers. It was too early to be wearing her usual boots. Then she made her way over to the door.

With one last glance over her shoulder at the sleeping girls, she opened the door and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her. She wasted no time in heading towards the common room. It was somewhat of a safe space for her, no matter if it was crowded with students or completely empty, like she supposed it would be at this time of night.

As she descended the stairs, she cursed herself for speaking too soon. There, just across the room, sitting at one of the windows, was Malfoy, staring out at the stars. It was one of the only windows in the common room, and the dungeon in general, that had a clear view of the stars. Most of them were cast with the foggy green tint of the Black Lake.

He didn't seem to notice her as she stopped at the bottom of the stairs, contemplating if she should just head back up the stairs or continue with her trip into the common room. Sighing, something in her mind fought her better judgment, and she muttered, "Nox," and walked over to the window as the light from her wand dimmed.

Malfoy still didn't notice her, not until she stopped next to him. She didn't look at him, but he looked at her. Neither said anything, though. She stared out at the dark sky that was littered with blinking white specks and the bright, waxing crescent moon.

She felt his gaze burning on her cheek, just like it always did, and she wondered why it made her feel that way. Why was his gaze so different from anyone else? Why did she despise meeting his eye whenever he was staring at her? Those thoughts always lingered in her mind—the whys—but she never let them dance around for too long.

"What are you doing awake so late?" he asked, looking back at the stars.

Olivia sighed, resting her elbows on the window sill, keeping her focus trained on the night sky. "Don't you mean, what am I doing awake so early?" she replied with sarcasm, as always. "It's technically morning," she added, elaborating on her words.

"Same difference," he muttered.

They went quiet after that. Olivia didn't answer his question, and he, surprisingly, didn't push. They were just there, staring at the moon and stars. Olivia had her elbows resting on the window sill, letting the coolness soothe her skin, while Malfoy sat beside her in a wooden chair that he'd probably taken from one of the round tables.

She breathed in and out slowly, ridding herself of the last bit of nerve from her restless sleep as she focused on the sight. The twinkling sky was so beautiful. It was so peaceful that she felt like she could breathe and finally settled down from the chaotic year that she'd had. It was so wondrous that Malfoy's presence didn't even bother her—not that she'd ever tell him that, though.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" She asked, not looking at him.

"Yes, it is," he replied, and that burning feeling returned to Olivia's cheek.

It didn't take her looking back at him to know that he was staring at her, and she fought the urge to roll her eyes at his words. He wasn't annoying her, though. A chill ran down her spine, and she cursed herself for not grabbing her robes before she left her room.

Ignoring his gaze and her chilliness, she straightened her spine and lifted her wand. With a flick of it, she nonverbally made the window sill go from a small sliver to an area where she could sit. She hummed to herself, satisfied with her ability, and then climbed onto the bay window to sit. Malfoy intently watched her the whole time.

She rested her head against the glass of the window, the coldness of the night soothing her slightly throbbing skull as she stretched her legs out. On one side of her body, she had coolness—the window and night against her skin—and on the other, she had warmth—Malfoy's gaze that always seemed to heat her skin.

She didn't know which she preferred more, or if she preferred either at all.

"So are you obsessed with the stars?" She began, cutting through the silence, then looked over at him, giving him a curious look. "Is that why you're sitting out here this early in the morning, alone?"

"I suppose," he said.

"Well, that's a dumb obsession," she retorted, looking back out the window.

"Says the girl who spends her nights in the astronomy tower alone." He gave her a knowing look, standing up from his seat. She met his gaze as he rested his elbows on the wood like she had before. "One could argue that you're obsessed with the stars too."

"It's only dumb when it comes to you."

"Right."

A beat of silence passed as Olivia looked out the window, her mind racing with back-and-forth arguing thoughts, and Malfoy glanced between his obsessions every so often. "You know I'm only joking, right?" Olivia admitted once one side of her thoughts won.

"What?" His brows furrowed as she met his confusion.

"About your obsession with the stars being dumb," she elaborated, running a hand through her hair while twirling her wand with the other. "I am only joking," she repeated, her eyes going back to the blinking specks. She took a breath, then turned to him again. "For the most part."

"Yeah, I know," he replied. "For the most part." Another pass of silence washed over them, and then, "I don't know why I've always loved the stars." He gave her a sideways glance, perhaps checking to see if she was rolling her eyes or looking annoyed in any way. Instead of what he suspected, he saw her giving him a look of intriguement, and so he continued. "It might have something to do with my name; I don't know."

Olivia watched him intently as she moved her legs so that she could hug her knees and there would be enough space for him to sit in front of her.

If he wanted, of course.

He didn't miss this, and he slowly moved to sit on the wood, facing her. "I suppose you know all about the Black family's knack for naming their children a name to do with stars?"

She nodded.

"Right then," he muttered, casting a glance at the glass. "My mother was one of the only ones whose name wasn't related to stars or astronomy in any way. My aunt Bellatrix, however, is a constellation, much like my name," he explained, and even though Olivia knew all of this, she let him. "Andromeda, Sirius, and Regulus, two of which the Blacks don't consider family members anymore, are also constellations. But I suppose you know that, too."

She gave him a small smile, one of the first, and nodded.

He returned the smile. "My name is my favorite, of course," he admitted. "It means dragon or serpent; very fitting for me, I might add."

She studied him closely as he searched for his next words, not missing how he always found a way to show his Slytherin pride even with words.

"There's a constellation named Draco, which you probably know, and I look for it any chance I can get," he continued, gesturing to the window. "That's why I am out here so early in the morning, alone." He paused, glancing at her neck. "That's also why I got you that necklace—the fact that I love constellations and astronomy." He nodded to the Scorpius constellation hanging around her neck.

She looked down, placing her hand over the piece. "Right," she nodded, still twirling her wand with the hand that wasn't touching her necklace as she glanced out the window. "You would have better luck looking for it from the astronomy tower," she said, meeting his gaze and ignoring his other words.

"My father wouldn't like me breaking the rules by being out of the common room past curfew."

"What your father doesn't know won't hurt him." She shrugged, setting her wand on her lap. "And it was just a suggestion," she added, picking up her wand again. Turning, she moved off the window sill she was using as a seat and stood up straight on the floor. "I should be off to bed."

Before he could even say anything, she walked away, making her way across the common room and going back towards the stairs. She'd been somewhat kind to him, despite her calling his obsession dumb, but she met her limits. Not even glancing back, she walked up the stairs and back to her room, being quiet enough not to wake the sleeping girls as she opened the door and shut behind her.

She was chilly and ready to go back to sleep. The knowledge that she probably wouldn't be able to fall back asleep lingered in her mind as she stepped out of her slippers and got under her duvet and sheets, snuggling into Mr. Snake and placing her wand under her pillow.

Her lids were heavy as she stared into the black abyss of the room's ceiling above her. The warmth of her covers was comforting, but her knocking-against-her-skull thoughts were far from that. She wished her mind would stop for just a little bit—just halt itself and be still, like frozen in time. She just wanted a moment of peace—no worries, no plans, no revenge plot, no what-ifs or whys, just peace. That was all she wanted.

She knew she would never get it, though.

≀⋆⁺₊⋆ ꗃ 𖦹⨳✺

The next morning, or rather, later that morning, Olivia awoke just as she always did. It was four in the morning; her nightmare had hit her once more, and she was breathing heavily as she snuggled further into Mr. Snake.

Pansy and Daphne were still sound asleep, and she wondered how they did it. She wanted to know their secret so that she could use it, so that she didn't have to keep suffering restless nights and haunting dreams. She just wanted a break.

About thirty minutes after waking, she finally peeled herself from her bed, set Mr. Snake in his rightful place in front of the pillows, and began getting ready for the day. It was one of the last of her second year's school days, and she was trying so hard to push through.

She took a shower, dressed in a fresh uniform, brushed her hair and teeth, packed her bag with her school things (including her wand), and put on her shoes and robes before Pansy or Daphne even moved about in their beds. Still, they were awake.

And before the girls did wake, Olivia left the room, going down to the common room. It was about six o'clock, and there were no lingering students. The window sill had gone back to its original state of small and thin, which didn't surprise her—the spell had only been temporary.

She hoped Malfoy had moved off of it in time.

There was about an hour or so until breakfast started, and she had nothing to do, nowhere to be, and no one to see. So she left the common room, going to the only place she had ever felt a slight sliver of peace. She climbed up the stairs of the astronomy tower, seeing the still-brightening sky as she came to the top. No one was up there, and she hadn't suspected them to be.

Walking over to the ledge, she rested her hands on the railing. The strap of her bag was constricted against her shoulder, and the sky was dancing with a wash of different hues—from purple and blue to pink and red to orange and yellow. It was so beautiful—so peaceful. She breathed in the fresh air of the Hogwarts grounds, letting her mind settle.

And with that, she sat down, looking out at the sky. She watched it until the colors had faded and left a light blue in their wake, and by that time, it was time for her to leave and go to breakfast. She was sure her friends were already there; that was the only time the boys, save for Lucas, were ever on time for anything.

She left the tower, walked down the corridor, passing students who were going to the same destination as her, and made her way to the Great Hall. When she entered, her beliefs were confirmed when she saw the group sitting at the table, stuffing their faces with food. She made her way over to them, placing her back on the empty part of the bench as she sat next to Pansy.

"Early morning in the astronomy tower?" Theodore assumed correctly with a mouth full of food.

Olivia ignored his lack of manners, just as always, and began filling her plate. "It is the best place to see the sky," she explained, glancing up at Malfoy, who sat across from her. Then she looked back down at her plate and began picking at her food, starting with her fruit.

"Only you would get up early enough to have time to get ready and go to the astronomy tower, for Merlin knows how long," Theodore said with amusement.

If only he knew... "I prefer to make the most of my time," Olivia replied, giving him a tight-lipped smile as she stabbed another piece of fruit with her fork. She popped the fruit into her mouth and went quiet.

"Apparently," he muttered, focusing on his food.

The rest of breakfast was silent, besides the chatter of students around them. And once Olivia was done with her food, she pulled out her book and waited for her group to get done. She only got to read one poem before the rest of them were done and breakfast was over.

They got up from the table and left, going to their first class of the day—potions with Snape. The only lines she had gotten to read were from a poem by Emily Dickinson, one of her (and Lucas's) all-time favorite poets and a woman who deserved better than she'd gotten in her lifetime.

I many times thought Peace had come
When peace was far away,
As wrecked men deem they sight the land
When far at sea they stay.
And struggle slacker, but to prove,
As hopelessy as I,
That many fictitious shores
Before the habor lie.

Those words stuck with her throughout the rest of the morning and day, like gum would the bottom of a shoe. And even when she laid in bed that night, they still lingered in the back of her mind like Pansy's fancy candles. She, too, had many times thought Peace had come. All of the times she'd spent sitting in the astronomy tower or even the once-time she'd sat with Malfoy in the common room, she thought Peace was there to finally soothe her—finally free her mind.

Then she remembered that he, Malfoy, had said that he did that—sit in the common room staring at stars—most nights, if not every one. She didn't remember ever seeing him, but perhaps she hadn't been looking.

Perhaps she hadn't been looking; her mind echoed.

≀⋆⁺₊⋆ ꗃ 𖦹⨳✺

━━━━ ella's speaking !
first and foremost, the poem included in this chapter is "I many times thought Peace had come" by Emily Dickinson, it is not my original work !!

this chapter may be one of my favorites of act two—definitely in the top five, for sure.

i really hope you enjoyed !!

kisses.

━━━━━━━━━━ born to die,
© -LOSTGARDENS,          oct 2023

word count: 2828.   written: 10.29.23.   published: 10.30.23.