“Hey, you two!” Hanna smiled at Finn and Tara.

They smiled back.

“Hey, Hanna! How are you?” Tara asked.

“We heard you just barely escaped being carried off with the Beast and being forced to marry him. What a nightmare!” Finn enthusiastically waved his hands while he talked.

It was a few days after Zane’s death. Hanna had just been released from the hospital with strict orders to stay in bed. She smiled at the two. Finn was holding a bunch of winter flowers in a vase for her room.

The pretty blue petals reminded her of Zane’s brilliant blue eyes. She struggled to hold back the tears. “Yeah. Just barely escaped.” She tried to manage a watery smile, but she started crying and the whole thing was messed up.

“Finn!” Tara scolded.

“What? It’s true!” Finn looked flustered.

Tara hugged Hanna. “Can’t you see she doesn’t want to think about him? And his name isn’t the Beast. It’s Zane. And she was obviously in love with him!”

Finn rolled his eyes. “That's ridiculous, and only happens in books, Tara. How could anyone love a monster like that?”

Hanna tried to stop crying and ended up hiccupping in between her hysterical tears. She shook her head. “Sorry.” She managed to get herself mostly under control, although tears still trickled down her cheeks.

She realized that she wasn’t over Zane’s death like she had thought. She still loved him deep down. Alonzo’s presence by her side, loving and devoted, was helping the recovery, but it still hurt deep. Finn's emphatic insistence that her time with Zane had been horrible didn't help. Yes, parts of it were horrible. The whole event was traumatic, but it hadn't been a nightmare every moment. 

Tara shook her head. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault if you feel that way about him. We can’t stop our feelings.”

“Yeah, but I should be controlling them!” Hanna gulped.

“Hanna Covalenti, you were kidnapped and spent nearly four weeks living in a dungeon with just barely enough to eat and drink. Not to mention you fell in love with a…” She hesitated, uncertain if she should continue.

“Just say it. I fell in love with a villain.” Hanna blurted.

Tara shrugged. “Sorry, but… That’s the truth. Hanna, do you seriously believe that after going through that, you are going to be perfectly in control of your feelings? It would take either a super-hero or a very cold-hearted person to be completely in control after that.” Tara gave Hanna’s hand a squeeze.

Hanna started crying again, to her shame. She turned her face away from them, not wanting them to see her tears, but she didn’t bother wiping them away.

Finn cleared his throat. “Hanna, I’m sorry. I know you went through a lot…. I… I want to thank you for stopping Zane from… Eating my brother.” He glanced at Tara. “We’re both grateful. Because of you, both of our family members are alive. My brother, her mother.” He fiddled with the green ribbon on the clear glass vase he’d brought.

Hanna tried to keep her tears under control as she shook her head. “Don’t thank me. I didn’t stop him. He stopped… He stopped himself.” She started crying again.

Tara hugged her until she stopped again and could face them.

“He stopped himself because he had decided not to be the villain everyone thought he was. He wanted to be better. It wasn’t anything to do with me.” She felt the sob rising in her throat, but she forced it down.

Finn shook his head. “If you hadn’t been there, he never would’ve changed. Hanna, you change everyone you spend time with. You make them… Better, I guess…”

Tara smiled. “Finn’s right. You helped us tremendously. You were friends with us and showed us we were worth something even if no one else thought we were. And you were able to change Zane enough that he didn’t kill our parents and siblings.”

Hanna hugged her back. “You guys… This means so much to me… That you think I’m worth something…”

Tara and Finn stared at her and then started laughing. Hanna gazed at them, confused. “What?” She asked.

“You.. You think you’re useless? Hanna, that’s… That’s just the most funny thing I think I’ve ever heard.” Finn gasped, holding his sides as he laughed, tears streaming down his face.

Tara just sat on the bed and laughed. She couldn’t talk because she was laughing so hard.

Hanna smiled ruefully. Then she joined the laughter. “Well… I guess it’s a little bit of a silly notion…”

“Girl!” Tara finally managed to gasp. “Have you even been paying attention to Alonzo or how he looks at you?”

Hanna blushed. “We… We’re not…”

Tara rolled her eyes. “Don’t deny it. He likes you. More than likes you! Loves you!”

“Well… I don’t know about that… I mean… Are we that obvious?” Hanna stuttered.

“Uhh… Yeah! Every time he looks at you, he gets this puppy look in his eyes. Don’t tell me you don’t notice.” Tara laughed.

Finn blushed. “Tara! That’s not our business. It’s between her and Alonzo. We should go now. She’s on bed rest.” He looked around the empty, gray walls. The only furniture in the room were the beds, nightstands, a clothing cupboard, and a small table with a few chairs. And everything was grey. They really needed to redecorate the place. What a place for someone to recover! A little color variation would go a long way.

He set the vase of flowers on her nightstand. “I brought you some flowers. I thought a little splash of color would be nice in all this gray.”

She didn’t really want to look at them. They reminded her too much of Zane. But she looked at them anyway, smiling at Finn. “Thanks, Finn! That was sweet of you.” She pulled a delicate blossom out of the vase, and pressed her nose against it. The delicate aroma flooded her senses. She loved the smell. It smelled vaguely of pine needles and fresh air. The way Zane had always smelled.

Quickly, trying to be inconspicuous, she place it back into the vase with the others.

Finn didn’t notice, but Tara did. She gave Hanna’s hand one more friendly squeeze before getting up to follow Finn out. “It’s alright to cry, Hanna. Sometimes, you just need to get rid of it. It's alright for you not to be okay. And if you need to talk to someone, I’m here for you.”

Hanna nodded. “Thanks, Tara.” Tears glittered in her eyes again.

Tara smiled at her. “Goodbye, Hanna. Get well soon.”

Hanna nodded again, numb now.

The feeling didn’t last long. Once the two were gone, her tears came. Everything reminded her of Zane, but especially the flowers. She buried her face in the pillow, letting the tears flow into the pillow’s grey, cotton cover. She wished she could stop crying. It made her feel weak and helpless. She hated herself for being weak, and no matter what anyone told her, she didn't believe it would ever be okay again.

Not only that, she didn't feel like it was okay for her to be so messed up after everything. Yes, she went through a tough time, but right now, she was just proving to herself and everyone else that she wasn't able to be strong. She tried to stem the flood of tears, but it didn't work. Zane's face hovered in her mind, tormenting her and cutting her heart into ribbons. It isn't okay. Nothing will ever be okay again. It's not alright that I'm not okay either... 

The reunion with her friends had been nice, but painful. Now, though, she was drained, and she cried herself to sleep, lost in her thoughts and memories of Zane.