Chapter 18: Love: Well, Sort Of

Zane’s head snapped up. He frowned.

Hanna, who was seated below him, leaning against the stone table, looked at him. Her eyes filled with concern, and her brow furled. “What is it?”

He shrugged, trying to dismiss the annoyance rising within him. “We must move quicker.”

“Why?” She cocked her head to one side, her frown deepening.

He let out a hissing sigh. “My confidantes, spies, whatever you prefer, just betrayed me.” His muscles were tense, and his hands clenched. His voice chilled her.

Hanna gazed at him, sadness in her eyes. She had all but forgotten her former life, and now Zane was her life. And this new development put him in danger. That didn’t make her happy. “Do they know much that’s important?”

He cocked his head, thinking.

Finally, he answered. “They were not as knowledgeable of me as I would think one of the Chosen would be.”

“So, they can’t give away anything harmful to you?”

He shrugged. “They know who… what… I am. Maybe how to eliminate me. But they died before they could divulge anything much.”

Hanna sighed. “Good.”

“Maybe. But now that the others know what I am, you can bet their leader will look into all the hidden files that only he can open. Ones he never bothered reading. And he’ll find whatever was placed there. Maybe even how to kill me, which is something they currently don’t know since my spies didn’t get a chance to tell them.” He sighed, staring down at her with a wishful expression.

Hanna slumped back against the stone table. “So they might find a way to… kill you?” She looked up at him, eyes wide.

He smirked at her. Then he stood, drawing her to her feet, and holding her hands. “Worried about me, are you?”

She smiled her usual dazzling smile. “Of course, Zane.”

That statement made his heart beat more rapidly. With her, just as with her ancestor, his first wife, his heart warmed. He needed her, but perhaps she didn’t know that like she should. He smiled back at her, no longer sarcastic. “Thanks. So… You still haven’t said yes.”

“To?” She stopped smiling and looked at him seriously.

“Being my Queen.” He pulled her into a warm embrace, staring down into her beautiful silver eyes, which he loved so much.

She hesitated. “Zane…”

“Why not?” He prompted.

She shook her head. “I don’t know… Just… Wait until you have secured yourself and your kingdom. I can’t actually be Queen if you aren’t King.”

His eyes lit with a funny glint. Hanna should’ve known it meant trouble, but he was clouding her mind, and she didn’t notice it. “Let me ask another way. Will you consent to be my wife?” Zane smiled at her, still holding her hands in his.

Her eyes widened. “You want… me… to… to marry you?” She whispered.

He nodded.

She started to speak, but she couldn’t. Zane looked into her eyes and he didn’t like what he saw there. She was uncertain. She shouldn’t have been uncertain. He didn’t want her to be uncertain about him. He wanted her to love him without limitations.

He leaned close to her, kissing her on the mouth gently. Straightening, he released her. “Take time to think about your answer carefully, Hanna.” He whispered.

She nodded, still speechless. He walked to the door. She put a hand out as though to call him back, finally finding her voice. “Zane?”

He turned back, sapphire eyes glittering in the light of the torch.

“My mind feels… foggy. Why?” She looked at him, pleading. “It’s like I can almost remember something… Someone… And then it’s gone. I keep seeing faces that I think I should remember… But I don’t… I don’t remember them. Please... I don't... I don't know how I know it... but... but I know you know why... Please... Tell me.” Her voice caught, and a tear slid down her cheek.

He resisted the urge to walk back to her side and wipe it away. He wanted to tell her the truth, suddenly. All about what he’d done. What he’d taken. Who she was and… How special she was to him too. But he didn’t move. “It’ll be gone in a few days, Hanna.” He slipped out before she could ask further questions.

His mind whirled. Subconsciously, she was still fighting his influence. He had thought she’d lost everything of her former life. But he had been wrong. She still remembered their faces. Why? Was it because they were so deeply ingrained in her heart that her subconscious mind refused to let go of them? Most people didn’t remember anything he had taken at all after a few days. It had been a week since he took her and started to erase her memories of before. Why did she still fight? Does she even know she’s doing it? Zane wondered.

***

Hanna stood a moment in silence, fingers pressed gently against her lips where Zane had kissed her. Her heart pounded. Her head felt heavy, and a great desire just to go to sleep fell over her. She felt despair too. Despair because she knew the faces were those of loved ones, but she couldn’t remember who they were, or even, really, why she loved them. She knew nothing of them except that once, what seemed a very long time ago, she had loved them.

She walked over to the platform where Zane had conjured a large, four-poster bed with heavy curtains for her.

Pulling aside the dusky blue urtains, she pulled down the velvety blue quilt and the satin cream-colored sheets.

Her clothes were dirty from a week in the dungeon, and she couldn’t bear to add anymore filth to the sheets than she had to. So she took off the dirty outer clothing, leaving on the clean tank-top and shorts she had been wearing under her jean jacket and skirt. Then she slipped into the bed.

Immediately, sleep overcame her. And in her sleep came the faces. As always, a tall, well-muscled boy with curly black hair and piercing black eyes flitted in the foreground of her mind. Who was he? She was certain she had loved him once. Perhaps she still did. But she couldn’t place him. No names came for any of those she saw in her dreams. They spoke to her, called to her, and interacted with each other even. But the names, the personalities that made them who they were? Those were always missing.

She tossed and turned, whimpering in her sleep.    

Zane came in after she’d been asleep for an hour. He had finished eating and felt stronger. Soon, very soon, he could break free of East Base, and no one would be able to stop him.

Glancing around the room, he noticed Hanna’s dirty shirt and skirt. He whispered a few words, cleaning the dungeon’s filth and stench from them instantly.

Softly, he went to the bed. Sliding aside the curtains, he sat on the bed’s edge. Hanna’s golden hair glimmered faintly in the torch’s light. It spread on her side of the bed, a brilliant halo. Her chest heaved as though she were dreaming of something frightening. She tossed restlessly.

He frowned, wondering what she was dreaming about. It had been a while since he’d delved into anyone’s dreams, but he still remembered how. He was about to connect to Hanna’s mind, but he paused. Some how it felt like he was… Violating her.

But he was desperate to know. Maybe it would answer some questions he had about her. He flicked his fingers at the torch, and it extinguished in a silent woosh. Trying not to disturb her, Zane laid down on top of the covers next to her. This made him feel even more uncomfortable about what he was doing. Imagine if she had woken up while he was still probing her dreams. She would’ve freaked, and he couldn’t exactly explain to her what he had been doing before she woke up. She would hate him. No one liked having their innermost thoughts, the most private parts of their lives, examined.

But he had to be very close to the person to establish contact. It helped to be lying down with his eyes closed too, because he focused better that way. So he lay there, stil and silent as he connected to her mind.

For a moment, he was confused. Her dreams were a kaleidoscope, ever shifting. Then he understood. She was dreaming small snatches of her life before him. He stood watching on the side, a silent specter in her dream world.

What he saw both hurt and infuriated him. Her brother featured prominently, yes. He expected that. But the other one. This boy she’d loved – still loved in fact – Alonzo. She dreamt of him over and over. Bits of her emotions leaked into the dreams. Mostly, it was confusion. Whenever he saw her, she was always invisible to the others. They were looking for her, but they couldn’t see her. And in her dreams, she always broke down weeping, because she couldn’t reach them, couldn’t remember them. Some of it was longing too. She hungered to have back what he, Zane, had stolen.

But he could feel her bewilderment about those she saw most strongly. She remembered faces, nothing else. Names and histories could not be found for those she dreamed of. And he felt her unrestrained fury and helplessness. The overwhelming despair washed over him.

And he’d done it. He hadn’t loved her then, though. Only wanted her, really. She had been a possession to be possessed. Treasured, yes, but loved? No, not loved. But now? Now he loved her as much as he wanted her.

Softly, he withdrew from her dreams, trying to leave a sense of love and comfort behind to calm her. His eyes fluttered open, and he lay looking at the canopy overhead for a while, too tired to move. The raw emotions that she had allowed to wash into her dreams still hurt him.

Finally, he summoned the strength to move. Sorrow flooded him. What she had displayed for him earlier had seemed to be love. Well, sort of. But he knew now. He didn’t have her heart. Alonzo still had it despite all Zane’s efforts.

Jealousy wracked him. Alonzo, darn him! Well, he couldn’t have Hanna. Zane didn’t care what it took. She would be his. He had lost one loved one; he would lose the only remaining one too.

Irritated, he shifted to his usual shape to sleep. He wound himself protectively around Hanna’s four-poster bed and continued to send soothing thoughts to her.

She stilled gradually, drifting into a gentle slumber.

When he was certain her dreams would be sweet, he took a moment to torment Alonzo with all his worst fears. Mostly that involved losing Hanna. The boy was besotted with her. It only annoyed Zane further, so he gave up with a low growl. He let a large puff of steamy air escape his nostrils just to let of the irritation, and then exhaustion took over.

His scaled lids fell down over his brilliant sapphire eyes, and he dropped off into slumber.

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