I was starting to struggle financially. I was not the one to get loans when it came to substance abuse as it gave me anxiety but I was starting to really consider the idea.

I hadn't been high in weeks now.

It was with this idea in mind that I walked to mothersuperior's place.

Unfortunately for me Sick boy was there too. I really didn't want to see him.

I decided to simply ignore him and go greet and sit next to Spud.

"Hey buddy!"

"JUDE!!" He exclaims as he embraces me in a tight hug. "It's been so long since I last saw you!!"

I feel my heart tighten a bit.

"Yeah I was too broke to come and I never go to the pub so unfortunately I have been living like a recluse for a bit but I'm back...do you think Mothersuperior would do me a loan?" I hesitated at the end of my sentence.

Spud still has me in an embrace, it's getting a bit weird but I don't say anything. It's nice that someone missed me.

I see Simon making his way towards us as he was on the other side of the room.

He crouches to our level and makes eye contact with me. Well this is awkward.

"Hey you." He says. "I think you can try yes."

Spud didn't have time to answer and finally let's go of me.

"Yeah I think as you've been a customer for a while there shouldn't be any issues lass." Intervened Spud.

"Awesome, do you know where he is ?"

"The kitchen." They answer in unison.

"Neat, I'm gonna go ask him. Coming back Spud, I'll try to hang out more often."

I stand up and pass Simon without looking at him. I don't really know what to say, it's not really out of spite. But before I'm fully out of the room I add.

"Hi Simon."

And I make my way to the kitchen.

********

He said YES !! I'm so ecstatic right now, I don't think I've ever been so happy in my entire life which might be a bit sad actually.

I take myself and sweet sweet ketamine back in the room but before I'm able to rejoin Spud, Simon takes me by the arm and leads me to another room a bit brutally.

"The f..."

"I need to talk to you."

We're now both facing each other in this other room, or rather he's looking at me and I'm looking at the floor.

"I don't know how to tell you this but I'm like sorry okay."

I almost choke on my spit, him apologizing ? That's a first.

I finally lift up my head to make eye contact with him. He's not his usual smug self.

"You helped me out and I made you uncomfortable I didn't mean to. I guess I just went to my usual ways. Usually I'm not friends with lasses I shag them you know."

I control a sneer that was about to come out.

"It's just that when you made this comment I guess instead of proving you wrong I proved you right Jude."

I'm lost for words.

"For fuck sake say something lass..."

"I just wasn't expecting this not gonna lie but I guess I forgive you Simon."

He then proceeds to hug me tight. Everyone's feeling quite touchy feely with me today.

"Oh okay bro haha."

I tap his back awkwardly. That's so out of character who the fuck is this guy?

"But if you ever wanna shag, I'm still up for it..."

"For fuck sake Simon!"

I push him away but I see he's smiling so I smile as well. I guess that's more like him.

"Okay I really need to get high let's go."

We make our way back to Spud.

Weird day.

We sit on the floor and I see them start cooking. I get Simon's using again...

Makes me feel some type of way but I keep it for myself.

I take out a mirror and make myself the biggest line known to man.

I'm no better.