I'm quite unsure of what to do or if I even understood well.

I'm high as well remember?

"What do you mean come?"

"Come sleep with me."

I don't like where this is going, why did my good heart have to go and help the manslut of the group.

I look at him puzzled and the guy's just lying on his bed like a starfish.

Should I trust him is the big question?

After thinking it through, I doubt that he meant it in the way he usually means this type of thing.

Looking at him, he seems like he regressed to an almost childlike state.

He doesn't seem to be his usual smug always plotting self.

I have a feeling I can trust him but can I trust me ? My judgement? Being high and all.

If something happens, I'll only have myself to be angry at.

Despite all of this, I decide to just go ahead and lie next to him.

He shifts position and turns towards me.

I do the same and lock eyes with him.

"You're not gonna try anything weird Simon, I have your word ?"

I don't want to be used again. I'm not like that anymore.

I used to fuck guys just out of pity or simply because I felt bad saying no which is stupid of course. And then felt dirty, filthy.

Like my body wasn't mine anymore.

I don't want to hate my body again.

" I won't." He says softly. "Can I hug you?"

Who is this guy?

I just nod as a positive.

He then proceeds to come closer and lays his head near my chest. I put my arms around him and put him closer. Like some sort of reverse spoon.

********

Nothing happened. Guess the guy just needed a human sized teddy bear which I'm definitely not gonna complain about.

I open my eyes and see that he's in the same position I left him in: holding me for dear life.

I close my eyes again, feeling too awkward to push him away. He looks peaceful just like last night, innocent almost.
Weird adjective to use when knowing the guy.

After what seems like an eternity, I finally feel him shift but without getting away from me.

"Well this is awkward lass." He says in the slurred speech of someone who just woke up and had a rough night.

"We don't need to talk about it if you don't want to. I guess you're not used to bring girls home and not fuck them."

I lower my head to look at him and catch him sneering.

"Got me all figured out I see."

He lets go of me but without getting significantly away from me. I can still feel the heat of his body.

"Actually not really, I don't know what to make up of you not gonna lie. Like if you're a good or a bad person "

He stares at me for a bit, apparently taking aback by my honesty.

It's true that I don't really have the best opinion of him but when I was high as a kite the other day after the club, he didn't leave me to sleep on the streets so that has to count for something?

"You think so mighty of yourself that you don't think it worthy to spend time with the likes of us so how could you know shite."

It's my turn to be taken aback. Is this how it looks like ? He's aware I hang out with Spud right?

"Why on earth would you think that? That's cause I never go to the pub?"

"Amongst other things"

"Those things being?"

"I see the way you look at us. Even Spud, you look at him with pity most of the time."

This conversation seems so out of character with the idea I had made myself of the guy.

"To me you're the pretentious and opportunist one. I don't think you care for Spud, not even for your friend Renton. At least that's what I gathered with our few interractions." I blurt out. "And as for Spud, I actually care about him. He's the only one actually. The pity you see in my eyes is because I feel bad for him. Being in this situation, thinking you guys are his besties when you didn't care to hang out with him while off the dope. So much so that the guy busted his ass to get these shrooms just so you would spend some time with him."

This conversation's going well.

I straightened myself in order to be sitting and not lying down as it is weird to have what seems to be turning into an argument lying down.

He just straight up stands up looking rather pissed.

"Don't ask if you don't wanna know..." I say rather softly.

And then the guy just blurts out laughing like an absolute maniac.

Did I miss something?

"So you're just protective of Spud huh? That's actually pretty funny."

I hate his smirk. I wish I was dealing with the little boy from last night...

I stand up as well.

"He doesn't have a mean bone in him so yeah, pretty much buddy."

I really grew to care for him.

"But you don't like us right?"

"Not liking is a bit strong I'd say. I'm just not involved let's say?"

"Hum."

He then proceeds to move closer when I'm currently standing on the wall side of the bed.

"Are you trying to intimidate me?"

"Do you find me intimidating?"

He smirks again as he puts his arms on both sides of my head.

"You know I can just leave right ? I'm not scared of you."

I am a bit scared actually.

"I was just trying to have a laugh, you can be boring sometimes."

I wait for him to move but he doesn't.

"What if I kissed you right now?"

I know he's taking the piss but this is getting hurtful at this point.

"So your word means nothing?"

"Tomorrow's another day love."

I try scanning him but he's just there smirking. I kinda want to slap him and I'm actually starting to feel scared.

Also pretty sad oddly enough.

I just lower my head so I can pass under his arm and move towards the door.
I get my jacket, my shoes while he just stares seemingly surprised.

Once at the door, I just look at him with a neutral face.

"That's because of people like you that I can't trust anyone. Have a nice day Simon."

After passing the door, my knees give up on me and I'm just left crying in front of his fucking door like an idiot.