JOEL HAD BEEN SITTING THERE FOR A GOOD FORTY-FIVE MINUTES, staring at the sun and the snow and the grass and the trees, petting the horses, tying his laces. He hadn't slept that much last night, or the night before for that matter. But, they were nearing their destination.

They were only six or seven miles from Colorado. They'd wipe that out in at least an hour on horseback, which would leave Ralph with enough time to decide what he was going to do with the knowledge that Joel knew everything and that he wasn't going to be so kind to him anymore.

Despite his promise to Tommy, Joel wasn't sure if he could be unkind to Ralph, not after everything the four of them had been through. Besides, Ellie and Lou would have their fair share of questions about the sudden coldness between the duo. He could try to be mean, but there were no promises.

He had chosen the early morning to interrogate Ralph because he knew that there was no chance Lou and Ellie would be awake at such an hour, even if the two of them began to escalate their argument. Also because he was already up anyways, and the anticipation was killing him. He just wanted to get it over and done with.

It took a while, but Ralph began to stir as he slept, sighing tiredly as the sun rose higher and higher, blinding him more and more every second. Joel shifted to block the rays, protecting his grumpy yet peaceful face, and it was the sudden change that woke Ralph up.

He smiled when he saw Joel, reaching up and scrubbing his hands over his eyes, and then pushed himself to sit upright on tired arms. He stayed like that for a minute, stretching his legs out as he yawned, and then brought his knees to his chest with another tired grin. 'Hey.'

'Hi.' Joel replied gruffly. He wasn't doing a very good job at this, right off the bat. Ralph puckered his lips, gesturing to Joel's position and the fact that he looked like he had been sitting there, crossed-legged and watching Ralph sleep, for quite a while.

'You good?' He asked dumbly, as if this was a daily occurrence. He made himself sound dumb, clueless even, but Joel could tell that he knew what was happening- He was just stalling.

Joel nodded. Silently, awkwardly. Ralph nodded with him and turned around to retrieve his pistol, then looked at Joel the second that he realized it was missing. He saw the familiar dark grey handle poking out of the pocket on Joel's right, something that he hadn't noticed beforehand, and shifted forward to retrieve it.

Joel placed his hand on it loosely, a silent threat, to which Ralph hesitated and eventually sat back, his knees still tugged up to his chest. When Ralph sat, Joel dropped it as if he had never wanted to grab it in the first place and placed his hand over the top of his legs again.

'Do you want the chance to tell me? Or do you want me to come right out and say it?' He offered, crossing his arms over his chest because he didn't know what to do with them. He was normally pretty good at intimidating people, just not Ralph for some reason.

Speaking of Ralph, he was totally not buying it. He still looked like he had been caught red-handed because he had, but he didn't seem to care all that much. He gave Joel a blunt shrug of the shoulders, not giving into his scare tactics, and Joel sighed.

'Why wouldn't you tell me that you're with the Fireflies?' He said finally, staring at him with a scrunched-up face.

"Cause it's not any of your business, is it?' Ralph replied quickly, tilting his head to one side and pointing at his gun. 'Can I have that?'

'What did you do? For them?' Joel shifted the right side of his jacket over his hip, further away from Ralph. He interlocked his fingers. 'And your answer better the same as Tommy's.'

'...He's a little shit, you know that?' Ralph fucking laughed to himself like Joel wasn't sitting across from him with steam coming out of his ears. 'Yeah, well, what did Tommy tell you?'

'He told me that Raphael Zhenya is one of the biggest Firefly hitmen in the whole country.' Joel recited, hoping that this would bring a hint of emotion to Ralph's face, that he would have an epiphany and suddenly realize what he had done when it came out of Joel's mouth instead of somebody else's. Ralph didn't even blink. 'He told me, "Zhenya kills FEDRA, he kills civilians, women, children, animals. Anything that's in his way."

'I've never killed a kid.' Ralph shook his head, not allowing that false claim to slander his name any more than Joel already hated it. 'You saw me kill Kathleen, so, there's a woman. Civilians, those people in the city. FEDRA, I got that asshole you beat up right in the face. And everybody kills animals, Jo.'

'How many people?' Joel asked, raising his eyebrows.

'...Dunno.' Ralph replied like this was nothing, like he had talked about this a million times before and would willingly do so again at the drop of a hat. 'You found my list, though. The one in the suitcase?'

'Oh, the suitcase with guns and pictures of people and money and a list of names?'

'Yep.' The way that Ralph was acting annoyed Joel more than he could even comprehend. The way he was just... Talking about it. So freely. Not a morsel of guilt or shame or anything, just normally. Joel guessed that he had this coming, in a way. He had been so busy spending all his time smiling and laughing and joking with Ralph that those activities had somehow completely overshadowed his past, what he had found in that suitcase that day.

'Why did you do it?' It was the final question Joel forced himself to ask, beginning to feel a little bit sick to his stomach as he continued this conversation. Ralph looked over his shoulder to stare at Lou, resting his chin on the top of his arm.

'To keep her alive.' He yawned, scratching his neck and turning to face Joel.

'...Tell me everything.' Joel demanded firmly, staring daggers at the man who had given up everything for him. 'Right from the beginning.'

'And then what?' Ralph prompted.

'And then, I leave you all with the Fireflies. They can work on getting you back home to Boston, they can work on their cure, not my issue anymore. I go back to Jackson, be with Tommy... And I never speak to any of you again.'

Ralph shifted where he sat, his mouth crooking down into a tiny frown at that last sentence, disagreeing. 'What if I say no?'

'You don't get to say no. That isn't a choice. That's how it's gonna happen, Ralph. And if you wanna change that, I'd suggest you wake Lou up and the two of you start walking, 'cause I ain't changing my mind.'

Ralph looked at him for a moment, that disgusting, murderous confidence disappearing all of the sudden, and he just stared at the ground beneath him, at the snowy blades of grass.

'Unless you've got another question, you better start talking.'

...

LOU AND ELLIE HAD MISSED SOMETHING, it was as clear as day. They had missed something but didn't know what. All they knew was that they were having flashbacks to the very start of their trip, even if they could barely remember it, flashbacks to when Joel and Ralph were constantly at each other's throats and arguing and bickering and causing big fusses over nothing.

But, this. This was somehow much worse, infinitely worse because, instead of arguing all the time, they weren't saying anything at all. They relied on Ellie and Lou for their conversation topics, which wasn't difficult to do because those girls always had something to say, but it was still obvious that they were upset with each other. They just wouldn't fess up to what it was.

Ellie was kind of sad that her last journey with the group would be dulled by their attitudes, but she still found a way to make it educational.

'So, how do you say "bitch" again?' Ellie asked Ralph, deciding halfway into the city that she wanted to learn Korean all of a sudden.

'Amkae.' He replied, more than happy to share a bit of his knowledge, even if Ellie only wanted to know the curse words.

'And then asshole is...?'

'Hangmun.'

'Yeah, hangmun, I knew that.' Ellie nodded confidently, cutting him off a little so it made it sound like she knew what she was talking about. After that, she looked around, staring at her brand-new surroundings. It wasn't anything like Jackson or Boston, this place seemed more spaced out. More dull. It made sense, judging by all of the complaints she had heard about university from older people. 'Home of the Big Horns. What does that mean?'

'Team mascot.' Joel explained quickly. 'It's a kind of sheep.'

'See? One step closer to your dream.' Ellie giggled, smacking him on the arm to mock him. He sighed through his nose and wanted to make a joke to Ralph about swapping kids, but kept his mouth shut.

'You guys see any Fireflies?' Lou questioned, leaning forward and craning her neck to peer over Ralph's shoulder to stare at the ghost town before them.

'In the middle.' Ralph told, picking up the reigns and tugging on them lightly to send Geronimo off on his feet again. Shimmer, Joel, and Ellie followed after them.

'So, these places. People would live here and, like, go to classes and stuff?' Ellie asked as they trotted through the streets, staring up at big buildings with excessive amounts of windows.

'Yup.' Joel nodded briefly, tilting his head towards Ralph for the questions to be directed that way, to someone with experience. Joel had never gone to university, he was born into the family's construction business, just like Tommy. But, for something as fancy as a zoologist, he was sure Ralph spent a few of his days here.

'Even though they were adults?' Ellie continued to question them, looking around at a lecture theatre next.

'Barely adults.' Ralph corrected, remembering his first year in a place like this, all of the hope in the world behind his eyes in a brand new country with a careet in front of him. He missed that feeling. 'It was all about partying, anyway. I went to a few of them with a friend, but I mostly studied.'

'Did you drink beer?' Lou asked over his shoulder.

'Yup.'

'Did you do drugs?' Ellie questioned.

'...A little.'

The girls burst out into laughter like they had never been so amazed by something in their lives. Lou swatted him on the back to try and discipline him, even though he had already done them.

'What drugs did you do?' Ellie asked excitedly, grinning. Ralph squinted for a moment, staring at the sky, trying to differentiate one big blur of trashing someone's dorm from the other.

'Only weed, I think. But, everybody does weed, so it's nothing big. Oh, actually, I did coke.' Ralph began to laugh to himself, snorting a little bit. 'I snorted it off of some girl's... Actually, no, don't listen to me. That's, uh, inappropriate. Don't do drugs, either of you.'

'What!? But the story was just getting good!' Ellie complained, throwing her head back in despair like this was the worst thing that was humanly possible.

'Chill out, weirdo.' Joel fought a grin, scratching his beard when Ellie's face thumped against his back again, her cheek smushed against his jacket. After it went silent again, aside from Lou quietly questioning her dad about his college shenanigans. 'You know, I've been thinking. I don't want a sheep ranch. The deal is, I can do anything?'

'That's the deal.' She nodded against the fabric.

'Well... When I was a kid, I wanted to be a singer.' Joel furrowed his eyebrows when Ellie squealed in laughter, shaking her head and chuckling to herself. 'Why is that funny?'

'...You gotta sing something for me now.' Ellie grinned tauntingly.

'No.' Joel shook his head instantly.

'Come on, I won't laugh!' She drove her knuckle into his spine weakly.

'You're already laughing!' He scolded.

'...Yeah, okay, true.' She nodded in agreement. 'But you're singing for me later. I'm gonna save the fucking world, man. It's the least you can do for me.'

'...Fair enough.'

...

'GUARD STATIONS WITH NO GUARDS. Progressive.' Ralph nodded sarcastically as they approached the hospital. Bright blue windows and dull gray bricks looked all too familiar, even for someone who went to college on the far side of the country.

They drew to a halt in front of two small trees. He swung his leg over Geronimo to dismount and stuck the landing, reaching up to help Lou down from the horse. He then whirled the reigns around a jagged branch, pulling a little to make it secure, and then turning to face Joel expectantly.

Ellie scrunched her face up when Joel pulled Ralph's trusty pistol from his pocket and held it in front of him, not even considering handing it back to its rightful owner. With a roll of his eyes, Ralph marched forward with an absurd amount of confidence, like he had been here many times before and knew there was nothing to be afraid of. Lou waddled after her dad, but she had a much more cautious approach.

Ellie stared at Joel. '...Hey, whatever happened between you two, sort it out. You're disturbing the peace.'

'He's disturbing me.'

'He's not speaking to you. How can he disturb you when he's not speaking to you?'

'His... Aura.' Joel huffed, walking off.

'That's bullshit. You wanna be balls deep in his aura- Ow, what the hell!'

...

NOTES!
bro my pinky hurts SO much idk wtf is happening