HOLDING A SHARD OF THE BROKEN MIRROR UP TO HIS FACE, Ralph was making little to no progress right now. Every time he almost had swiped a spot clean, he would end up jolting the mirror somehow and was back to square one. It didn't help that the shard was ragged and the corners kept digging into his palm and drawing blood, even though Ralph had already seen his fair share of blood for tonight.

It was weird to think it was even possible, but, Ralph almost didn't recognize himself when he first picked up that piece of shattered, cracked mirror. His hair was longer, his beard was slowly growing in again, and aside from the obvious fact that he was drenched in blood, he just looked... Different. Something that he couldn't even put his finger on, even though he was himself.

Ralph was scrubbing his neck raw when there was a knock on the door.

'I got berries.' Joel said from outside the bathroom, his voice close, standing directly in front of the door like he already knew he was going to be invited in. With a sigh, Ralph pushed himself off of the grimy counter he was leaning on and unlocked the door with a click, quickly returning to his task even as Joel shuffled into the small space and closed the door behind him.

Ralph looked a little bit better now. There was still a long way to go, but some areas had been cleaned. His neck was, for the most part, not a splotchy mess of crimson red anymore, and it was clear he had tried to wipe most of it off his shirt, but his face was still coated in it and it was drying up on his wrists and cementing itself into the wrinkles on his hands.

Joel wet his lips, thinking carefully about what to say next. He didn't want to say something that might upset Ralph, despite him looking anything but upset right now. He mostly looked disgusted, but not because of what he had done, because of the aftermath of it.

'Here.' Joel said. Ralph turned around to see him holding out his hand to give him maybe ten or eleven berries. Not a lot, but it was Ralph's fair share of the last of their stock. Ralph picked up the berries and poured them all into his mouth in one go, making Joel laugh a little bit. Ralph gave him a small smile as he chewed, continuing to face Joel because there was clearly an ulterior motive for him coming in here. '...Henry and Sam are coming with us. To Wyoming. That cool?'

'That's cool.' Ralph said quietly, nodding his head once to agree with it. Joel looked at him, moving to stand in front of him, and studied his dirtied face and smudged hands. It was awful to think about in this scenario, but red was a really nice color on Ralph. Ralph raised his eyebrows. 'Was that everything?'

Joel reached down and took the bloodied towel from Ralph's hand, letting their fingers rest against each other for a moment, before he brought his hand up and began to swipe gently at Ralph's cheekbone, cleaning it for him.

Ralph relaxed against the counter, his back against it as Joel stood in front of him and kept him there, caring for him like he was something fragile, afraid of breaking him. Joel reached up and placed his hand loosely on Ralph's jaw, turning his head to the right. Ralph let him do it, obeyed silently. It took maybe three or four minutes before Joel began to talk.

'Do you want to talk about it?' Joel said quietly, his voice almost a whisper. It felt like, if he spoke normally, it would ruin the moment. Shatter the quietness and make someone come and bang on the door to hurry them up. Joel didn't want that. He wanted to stay like this for as long as he could.

'No.' Ralph muttered back, his eyes falling onto the disgusting bathtub behind Joel, and then he looked at Joel. He never realized how close they were. He was sure it didn't start off like this. Maybe Joel was the one leaning forward, or maybe Ralph was, or maybe they were both doing it together and hoping that the other wouldn't notice. Joel looked back at Ralph with his heart in his throat.

'Do you want to talk about what Henry said?' Ralph knew that this was something that Joel, more than likely, wouldn't want to talk about, so he reached down and wrapped his bloody pinky around Joel's clean one. Joel's eyebrows pinched together, no clue what Ralph was referring to. 'About, uhm... About you being a dad?'

Fear crossed Joel's face in an instant, his eyes going wide and his hand freezing as he cleaned the column of Ralph's throat, and Ralph hadn't seen him like that before, not even when that Clicker had him within an inch of his life. Ralph squeezed his finger, and Joel's gaze fell.

He thought, long and hard. He had never mentioned it before, never brought it up to anyone. Him and Tommy didn't even speak about it, they didn't have to. They already knew whenever the other brother was thinking of the girl, and would always award the other with a soft smile or a pat on the shoulder to cheer them up. Nobody knew apart from Tommy. Not Tess, not Ellie, not Henry, not Lou. Nobody.

He wondered. He wondered if this was worth it. If he should tell Ralph something that he didn't need to know just for the possibility of a pat on the back and a few nice words that had no value to Joel. Then, Joel Miller, for one of the first times in history, contradicted himself. It was stupid to think that whatever Ralph would say wouldn't have value to him. That man could do the stupidest thing on the face of planet Earth and Joel would probably laugh about it and then try to find some way to defend him.

Every smile, every laugh, and every brush of fingertips made his heart skip a beat. So it was dumb of him to think that Ralph would be like everyone else, like none of it would matter because, even if he was no good at comforting people, Ralph mattered. No matter what they were, his words meant the world, just as long as they were his.

'...Her name was Sarah.' Joel mumbled shakily, dragging the cloth over Ralph's adam's apple. He took a pause, and Ralph didn't bother him to continue. He didn't tug on his finger or nod his head or put any kind of pressure on him to keep going like everyone else did. That was one of Joel's favorite things about Ralph. 'She... She was my world, you know? She was... She was an angel. So smart, and caring, and funny, and... On Outbreak Day, she...'

Ralph reached down and held Joel's hand when he paused to clear his throat. It began to burn, the familiar sensation that happened when he was about to cry. Joel dropped his head and raised his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose.

Normally, that would've stopped the tears, but this time, it sped them up. Perhaps Ralph being too kind and understanding and perfect contributed to that. Either way, Joel started to cry.

'Oh, Jo.' Ralph murmured softly, dropping his hand to reach up and wrap his arms around the older man's shoulders, hugging him. Joel accepted it far too quickly, cautious of his placement as he avoided the wound on Ralph's waist. Joel buried his jaw into the crook of Ralph's neck. He could feel the blood on Ralph's hands smear across his skin when he reached up to cradle the back of Joel's neck, but he didn't care.

They stayed like that for a moment, even though Joel didn't cry for very long. He had stopped rather early on, it was only a few handfuls of tears, but he didn't have it inside him to pull back. Joel sniffed against Ralph's bloody shirt, tightening his grip around the other man's waist.

'I'm so sorry, Joel.' Ralph said softly, his voice hushed and raspy near Joel's ear as his absent hand played with the ends of Joel's curly hair. 'I'm sure that Sarah's a wonderful girl.'

'She was.' Joel nodded in agreement, letting out a big sigh against the side of Ralph's neck and eventually forcing himself to pull back, but only a little. They were facing each other now, and Ralph had a sad smile on his face. Joel mimicked it to the best of his ability, lips still quivering.

'She got it from her dad, huh?' Ralph joked, unwrapping his hand from the back of Joel's neck to hold his jaw gently. Again, the wet, warm feeling of blood was imprinted everywhere his fingertips grazed, but Joel couldn't bring himself to be angry about it. Joel snickered quietly even though he really didn't want to, not right now. Then, Ralph scrunched his face up like he was thinking. '...Actually, maybe it was her uncle.'

Joel laughed again, louder this time. With tears still glistening in his eyes, his nose still stuffy, he poked Ralph in the bandaged bullet wound to get back at him, earning him a slap to his once-bruised knuckles. Ralph laughed too, influenced by the man in front of him.

They went quiet again, and Ralph let out a sad sound and pulled Joel towards him again. This hug was much quicker than the last one, but it still meant an equal amount of everything to both of them.

'If you ever wanna talk,' Ralph said as they pulled away, holding Joel at arm's length. 'I'm always here. We're stuck together. Remember?'

'Yeah.' Joel nodded sadly, bringing his hand up to swipe at his tears. 'I remember.'

'Okay.' Ralph smiled at him, pursing his lips.

'Okay.' Joel repeated, placing the cloth on the ledge of the sink and leaving the bathroom, dragging Ralph behind him by the hand.

...

WHEN RALPH AND JOEL LEFT THE BATHROOM, Ellie entered it. She had been whining for a while that she was desperate for a piss, yet refused to interrupt the "love birds" and also refused to go into the motel room next to theirs to use that bathroom in case "something got her."

She left Lou and Sam in the room by themselves, which was okay. Lou liked Sam, he was cool. Lou had always loved kids, which seemed a little ridiculous because she was technically still a kid too, but her point still stood. The two of them had never really spoken because Ellie and him were always talking about their comic books and she had never read any of them, but she didn't mind it.

Lou and Ellie had decided to share a bed and left Sam with his own on the far side of the room. She was already slipping under the covers, making sure to hog all the covers to her side before Ellie could have a say in it, when the mattress dipped at the foot of the bed and Sam was sitting cross-legged, staring at her. She offered him a confused look, but he held out his notepad.

Are you scared?

She looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed at the question in her lap. She flicked it upwards, clearing the page, and wrote.

Maybe. Are you?

Sam wrote.

Yes.

Lou wrote.

Okay. I am scared then.

Sam reached for his notepad, but Lou kept writing.

What are you scared of?

Sam pondered for a moment, like he was trying to figure out how to spell what he wanted to say. Eventually, he settled on something and handed it back to her.

Ralph.

Lou stared at the notepad in front of her. The pen in her hand hovered in front of the paper, frozen for a while. She wondered if she should be offended or if she should defend him. After all, he had killed that woman for her.

But that didn't mean it wasn't scary. That didn't mean she didn't see that bullet being fired into Kathleen's skull every time she closed her eyes. Lou then remembered that she wasn't any better than him. She remembered Bryan. How she killed him for Ralph. How it made her sick afterwards, and she had to convince Joel that she had just eaten some bad berries because it was horrible to say that she regretted doing the thing that saved her dad's life.

Lou wrote something down.

Me too.

Sam nodded at her and gave her a smile like he was proud of her for saying it, glad someone was on the same boat as him. Sam took a break, his smile fading quickly as he thought and reached for the pen.

Did he have to kill her?

Lou sighed.

Yes. She was going to kill us.

She cleared the page and continued.

He was defending us, and I love him. But, it was still scary, right?

Sam nodded, accepting the notepad as she handed it to him and then taking his turn to write. Lou was met with a question that she didn't have an answer to.

If you turn into a monster, is it still you inside?

She raised her eyebrows at him, her face turning pale and her eyes going wide. Sam rolled up the ends of his jeans, revealing a shiny, bloody bite mark on the front of his ankle. She gawked at it, leaning forward to hold his ankle and inspect it. It looked just like Ellie's, it had the same veins and wrinkles, similar teeth indents, and it was fresh. It was real.

Lou looked at it, unsure of what to do, unable to do anything. She stared and she stared as if she was trying to scare it away, as if she would blink a little bit harder and it would be gone. She looked at him, and he was just as helpless as she was.

'What are you guys doing?' Ellie's voice asked from the doorway, watching the two of them. Thankfully, Sam had his back angled so that Ellie couldn't see him fully, prompting her to ask the question in the first place. Lou reached forward and tugged his jeans down.

'Nothing.' She lied, smiling even though she felt like vomiting.

...

LOU WOKE UP EARLY THAT MORNING, earlier than everyone else at least. She blamed it on her side of the bed because the sun was shining directly on her from the gaps in the blinds and not touching Ellie's at all. Sam's bed was completely coated in sunshine but was also untouched. He hadn't even tried to go to sleep, the covers remained the way he had found them. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring out the window and watching the sunrise.

Lou attempted to roll over, only to discover that Ellie had completely curled up into a ball right next to her and blocked her path, leaving her with no choice but to get up and close the curtains so she could go back to sleep.

She stood on tired legs, aching with the nonstop walking that had been happening since forever, and rubbed her eyes a couple times before crossing the room, standing next to Sam as she closed the curtains.

She shuffled in front of him, apologizing quietly as she reached for the one on the far side, and let out a scream when Sam grabbed her arm and tackled her.

He shoved her up against the nightstand in the very corner of the room, his fingernails digging into her forearm as he bared his teeth as if he was going to bite her. Lou's mind was too busy to remind her of last night, she was too focused on fighting against whatever it was that was launching at her right now. She snaked a hand onto his chest and shoved him with all her might, sending him to the floor for no more than a second.

She took that opportunity to step over him and run into the main room where the adults had already been woken up by her initial squeal, confused and sharing looks with each other. She stood in front of them, breathing like a crazy woman, and opened her mouth to explain when Sam ran out of the room to follow her and she didn't need to anymore.

Ralph shoved himself to his feet, reaching for the pistol that he had removed from his belt so he could get a good night's sleep, only to discover that it was already in Henry's hands and was being waved right at his face.

Joel got to his feet after the two of them, watching in horror as Lou scratched and kicked and screamed at the boy on top of her and he screeched right back at her, making all of these animalistic sounds that made him feel ill.

'Please!' Lou yelled at the top of her lungs, shoving and squirming but nothing was working. It was then that Ellie raced out of the bedroom, her revolver braced in both hands, and Henry turned the gun to her. 'Please, fuck, someone help! Dad, help me!'

'No!' Henry shouted, firing a shot at Ralph's feet when he took a step forward. The man leaped back, stumbling a little as Joel screamed something at Henry, all of the sounds overlapping and making no sense in anyone's mind.

A gunshot rang out, putting an end to all the wailing and crying, and blood splattered onto the radiator.

Sam fell dead with a thud, landing on the ground next to Lou. Frantically, she shoved him off of her with shaking hands, and her desperate, uneven breaths and quiet, panicked sobs became the only sound in the silent room.

'...Lou, honey.' Ralph whispered, stepping forward but stopping dead in his tracks when Henry raised his gun again. Ralph raised his hands, slowly shaking his head left and right, knowing damn well that he was on thin ice.

'Easy, easy.' Joel whispered, walking forward with a baby step at a time. He held his arms out in front of him, showing that he meant no harm as he approached Henry. 'Henry, give us the gun.'

'What did I do?' Henry choked out, barely even speaking. His eyes were wide, mortified; Guilty and filling with tears as he looked from Ralph to Joel to Ralph to Joel. 'What did I do? Wh-What did I do?'

Cautiously, he turned his head back towards the teenager, trembling and crying on the floor, and her friend who lay next to her, a pool of blood pouring from the younger boy's head. Henry looked at him for about a second and began to gag, disgusted and heartbroken. He stared at the ground, then looked at Joel, who was inching closer and closer.

'Gimme the gun, Henry.' Joel pleaded, reaching out for it with open palms. Ralph stood next to him and didn't attempt to help him in his efforts at all, just staring at Lou with his hands raised by his head and an unreadable expression on his face. 'Please, just give me the gun- Henry, no!'

Ralph flinched when the second gunshot came. Although his fright, he didn't even turn to look when he heard a body thump to the floor.

He just dropped to his knees next to Lou and held her against his chest, stroking her hair and shushing her, even though those sounds wouldn't help her become any less terrified. Ralph knew that it wouldn't help because, in all honesty, he was a little bit terrified too.

...

NOTES!

shut up the lot of u it is two in tge morning and i am fucking sobbing right nnow this is not allowed this is actually criminal what tge pissballs and shit dick and penis hole.