'WHERE THE FUCK IS THE HIGHWAY?' Joel grumbled to nobody in particular, speeding through the alleyways of the city to try and get out of it as fast as possible. Ralph began to consult his map which a scrunched-up face, mumbling quietly to himself. 'Al!'

'I don't know, give me a minute!' He ordered, mapping out the turn they took, then the first alley they drove down, then the second, and then the third. 'I'm, like, twenty percent sure that we're going North.'

'Twenty percent?' Joel repeated, hoping that statistic would've been far higher than it actually was.

'Hey, it was going good until you did the Hokey-Pokey and you turned the car around!' He threw his hands up in surrender before leaning forward to observe his map closer. 'I think it's on the right—?'

'Stop!' Ellie demanded, and Joel slammed on the brakes, almost causing Ralph to thwack his head off the dashboard. He turned around, looking back at Ellie and his daughter to see what the fuss was.

'Where the fuck's FEDRA?' Lou and Ellie were bunched up around the window closest to the left of the car so they could see the sight of the Kansas QZ, completely empty and with the doors lying wide open. A complete ghost town. Then, Ralph's fist came in contact with Joel's arm, and it wasn't as gentle as it was meant to be, but it got Joel to turn his attention to the man limping towards the car and begging for help.

He said something that Ralph couldn't quite hear, but Joel seemed to be right on top of it. 'Put your seatbelts on.'

'Aren't we gonna help him?' Ellie asked, shuffling to the middle seat and grabbing her seatbelt. Ralph made sure that he heard two clicks before he plugged in his own, looking at Joel for an answer to the question.

'No.'

Joel stepped on the gas, aiming right at the man and giving him less than a minute to jump out of the way and get to safety. Then, like quickfire, someone on top of a building dropped a cinderblock right onto the windshield and smashed the shit out of it. Joel leaped back, fucking horrified and rightly so, until the sounds of a gun being fired rang out and Ralph leaned over to take control of the wheel, pulling it to the right and crashing them right into a laundromat.

'Holy fuck.' He gasped, shoving his hands over his face in a moment of silence. He dropped them quickly when he realized that those assholes were probably still trying to kill them, and reached for his seatbelt. 'You guys okay?'

'Yeah, I'm good!' Ellie called back, opening her car door and climbing out of it as soon as bullets started bouncing off the truck. Lou said something he couldn't hear, something about being alright, and that was all he needed to know before he was following Ellie and getting out of the truck.

The four of them crouched down behind a pickup truck with an array of heavy backpacks and two guys shooting at them wasn't an ideal situation, but, with a little bit of optimism, it was one that they could probably manage.

Cautiously, Joel raised himself to his knees and reached his arm into the trunk of the car, where he had been stashing his shotgun. Another bullet fired, and it sounded dangerously close, but he returned with all of his limbs still intact, so that was good. He had managed to fish out Ralph's rifle as well, letting it clatter to the ground in front of him while he found more importance in sliding open the mag tube of his shotgun.

Whilst Joel was on his miniature stealth mission, Ralph was scoping out the area and looking for any possible exits, any other weapons, just anything. He didn't find anything of use, except for a door behind a counter and a hole in the wall not too far away from them, leading to another room. He looked back at Ellie and Lou, pointing to it. 'Can you guys fit in there?'

Ellie nodded rapidly, fear in her eyes. Lou paused for a moment, and then nodded as well, clinging to the sleeve of Ralph's jacket for security. Joel reached into his pocket, began loading his gun, and kicked Ralph's rifle towards him.

'When I say go, I want the two of you to crawl over there, and you climb through, and you don't come out until me or Jo tell you. You get it?' He instructed, looking between the two of them frantically. Just then, the passenger window shattered right above Lou, and Ralph reached forward to pull her out of the way.

'Shit!' She whispered, looking up at where the bullet had hit and shattered all the shards that once made up a window. She was shaking like a leaf in her dad's arms, eyes wide and filled with tears, still grabbing onto his sleeve.

'Lou, hey, listen to me, honey, listen.' He planted his hands on her shoulders, her eyes flicking back over to him for a moment, just focused on what he was about to say, trying to ignore everything around her. 'You're gonna be fine, sweetheart, trust me. You can do this, you're brave. Me and Joel will keep you safe, we'll keep the both of you safe. We just need you to do this for us right now, alright? We'll keep you guys safe, I promise.'

He wiped the tears that rolled down her cheeks and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead, and he didn't wait for a response before he was also speaking to Ellie, mumbling to her things that Joel couldn't hear. There was a pause after that conversation too, and when it was over, Ralph looked over at Joel and nodded his head once.

'Go!' They yelled, raising their guns and beginning to shoot back as Lou and Ellie made their way towards the gap in the wall. Ellie clambered in first, and Lou threw her backpack in through the gap before she slipped in after her and took her own bag with her. In that time, Ralph had already knocked down the guy that he was aiming for, leaving Joel to feel a little intimidated as he kept firing and firing.

One more lucky shot from Joel was all it took for the gunfire to stop, and the two of them fell silent with their heavy breathing and the clicking of their guns.

'You okay?' Ralph panted, turning his head the slightest bit to look over at Joel.

'Yeah. You?' Joel breathed out, chest heaving up and down.

'Yeah. I think I'm good.' With that, he turned on his heel to retrieve his backpack. Ellie or Lou must've kicked it in their rush to the other room because it had somehow slid backwards and ended up behind the counter where the suspicious door was. Sadly, God decided to hate him today, and Ralph was not good for very much longer.

The door behind them flew open, the one that Ralph had discovered earlier, and an asshole with a gun emerged, aiming at Joel. He fired a shot, and Joel shoved his gun upwards firing a wasted shot to the ceiling. The man drove his shoulder into Joel's chest, turning himself sideways to try and wrestle the gun out of his grip.

It was then that he discovered Ralph, and although the dude was fired at, with a warning shot, that didn't stop the man from firing another shot right back at him.

'Al!' Joel screamed, letting his grip falter all out of concern for his friend, and learning that it would soon be a near-fatal mistake. The guy shoved his gun up against Joel's neck, pinning him back against a cabinet before throwing him to the ground and climbing on top of him.

'You two are gonna fuckin' pay!' The man screamed, strangling Joel. 'What you did, you've fuckin' killed yourselves, motherfuckers! Gonna fuckin' pay, goddamn pricks!'

With his life flashing before his eyes, breath rushing out of his lungs, all Joel could do was turn his head and look at Ralph, sitting in the corner with blood beginning to stain his nice, pink shirt. He couldn't tell where he had been hit, just knew it was somewhere in the torso based on where the blood was pooling from.

He could also see that Ralph was reaching for his shotgun, wincing every time he leaned forward a little too much or tilted his arms a certain way. Then, a shot was fired, but it wasn't from Ralph.

The man on top of Joel fell to the side and dropped the gun that was cutting off his breathing, sending Miller to the floor gasping and coughing for breath. He glanced over his shoulder to see Ellie and Lou, standing side by side, Ellie with a revolver in her hands. Lou took a step forward to peer around the counter at her dad, her face dropping in a split second at the sight of him. Ellie saw it too, at the same time, and raised her gun again.

'No, no, no! It's over! We're not fighting anymore!' The man pleaded, holding his hands up in surrender as he lay on his back. His breathing picked up all of sudden, and his face screwed up like he was going to cry. Which he did. 'I'll go home, I'll tell everyone you guys are good. I– I don't know what to do. My legs don't work... My— My mom isn't far, if you could get me to her. We could trade with you guys. We could be friends, I didn't know... I'm Bryan! I'm—'

'You shot my fucking dad, Bryan.' Lou snatched the gun off Ellie and shot him in the chest.

He fell limp on the ground, his head falling against the concrete ground with a rather unpleasant sound, a knife clattered from his hands. Slowly but surely, blood began to stain his white shirt and seep through to his jacket.

Lou was expecting a monologue from Joel, something deep and emotional about how killing was wrong and it should've been left to those who were already tainted by it, or some other bullcrap, but it never came.

Joel was on the far side of the laundromat by now, kneeling in front of Ralph and holding his face and talking to him quietly and placing his hand over his wound. After a few more seconds of processing what had just happened, Lou handed Ellie her gun back and began to walk over to them as well, deciding that standing around while her dad was bleeding out wasn't exactly A-Class daughter material.

'I'm fine, honey, I'm fine.' He insisted the second he saw her worried face appear over Joel's shoulder, forcing out a smile to try and reassure her somehow. 'It's not that bad. He didn't even hit anything. Best he got out of me was a chunk of skin and a bit of blood— Ah, shit.'

'You're okay, I've got you.' Joel assured him, bracing a hand on the top of Ralph's shoulder while he used his other to pull up the hem of his shirt, looking at what they were dealing with. Ralph seemed to be perfectly right in his diagnosis, and Joel guessed that wouldn't be hard to do, seeing as he would be able to tell where he had and hadn't been shot. But, an open, bleeding wound was still an open, bleeding wound, and that wasn't ideal in the middle of a dusty laundromat where infections were probably lurking in every corner. 'Gotta get you up, Al, get you outta here. Can you walk?'

'No idea.' Ralph replied bluntly, which wasn't much help. He raised his arm to wrap it around Joel's shoulder when the opportunity presented itself, using the wall behind him to steady himself as he got to his feet. He stood still pretty well, so long as Joel was next to him, and he laughed in surprise. 'Look at that! I'm a natural.'

He took a step forward and almost faceplanted until Joel caught him and helped him back up.

...

'HOW'S RALPH?' Ellie looked up when Joel entered the room again, this time without the Zhenya's accompanying him. Thanks to Ralph and his need for an absurd amount of medical supplies, he was able to instruct Joel on what to do and how to patch him up. It happened with a lot of arguing and apologies and Ralph occasionally scratching him when he pressed on a sensitive spot, but it still happened. He then left Lou with her dad to talk with him, for him to reassure her that he wasn't going to die rather than her hearing it from Joel of all people.

'He's alright. That kid didn't get anything on him.' Joel assured her, sitting down on the stool across from her whilst she sat on the ground with her fingers interlocked and her eyes wide. Joel saw right through her. '...He's going to be okay, Ellie. Ralph is strong, you know that.'

'I know, but... I can't... I can't stop thinking about what Lou did.' Ellie mumbled, staring at her fingers. Joel had totally forgotten about that, as horrible as it sounded. 'I mean, he deserved it. But, I just... I dunno.'

'Hey, I don't blame you.' He said quietly. 'Kids like you and Lou are too young for shit like this, to even be thinking about stuff like that... But, as bad as it sounds, Lou evened it out. That guy shot Al, Lou shot the guy. It's... It's fair. Y'know, an eye for an eye.'

'Yeah. Okay.' Ellie said quietly, sounding like she didn't believe him, and he knew she didn't. Joel knew that Ellie wanted to stop talking about it, so he didn't bring it up anymore, not unless she wanted to do it first. She did begin to speak, but not about Lou. '...Do you like Ralph?'

'Yeah, I guess. He's... Cool.' Joel shrugged, wondering where the sudden change in topic had come from. Ellie's eyes flicked up to him, and he quickly realized that this wasn't what he thought it was, and tried to save himself before it was too late. 'He's a great friend—'

'Caught you red-handed.' Ellie grinned smugly, narrowing her eyes at him mischievously and spreading her palms out over her knees. 'Come on, you can tell me. I know I seem like a motormouth, but, I'm good with secrets.'

'You don't seem like a motor mouth, you are a motor mouth.' Joel mocked her under his breath, looking at the floor and wondering to himself if he was actually about to do this. If he was actually about to announce this to Ellie, loudly and proudly, before he had even come to terms with it himself.

Joel had never liked a boy before. He didn't think so. He liked girls, piles of girls, and he knew what that felt like. It was different with boys. It was something he hadn't figured out, not quite yet, not even when he was fifty-fucking-six. Chances were, he probably had liked boys in the past, but he was just too blind to put two and two together. Even with Ralph, there were times when he was unsure about it. Through no fault of the other man, but because of himself. Because it kind of scared him.

'Do you?' Ellie pried when she sensed there was a pause inside of Joel's brain, his thinking coming to a close.

'I... I dunno.' He sighed quietly, dropping his shoulders on the exhale and ignoring the way Ellie completely lit up. 'I've never... Y'know... Liked a boy before, at least I don't think. And— And... Especially not a straight guy.'

Ellie burst out into laughter, looking at Joel with her jaw dropped in amazement. He glared at her, not appreciating it at a time like this, and she cut it out, but still continued to mock him. 'You're kidding me, right? You think that Raphael-fucking-Zhenya is straight? God, you're hopeless, man.'

'What? He's not?' Joel could've come across far too eager right then and there, but Ellie didn't mention it, just continued to giggle. 'Did he tell you that?'

'No! He didn't have to say it. It was all about, like, body language and everything.' Joel looked at her like she had three heads, and she sighed. 'Like, you remember when you started talking about all the girls you got, and he got suuuper bummed out? He was so jealous! And, I saw him grab your hand earlier. He had no reason to be doing that— No heterosexual reason. He's fuckin' gay, dude. Trust me, I'm an expert.'

Joel didn't listen to Ellie all that often, but the slither of optimism that was hidden deep within him allowed him to believe that this was completely solid advice, that there was actually a chance that Ralph liked Joel just as much as Joel liked Ralph.

They sat in silence for a while, with Joel staring off into space and Ellie thinking about the bet she had made with Lou and when would be the right time to cash it in. Probably after Lou figured out about Ralph, Ellie didn't want to have to break that news to her. The cars and trucks whirring around in the street outside began to fade away, and Joel just about caught onto it.

He sprung to his feet and walked to the door of the other room, the one where Lou and Ralph were, and instructed them to get going. It wasn't the best idea for them to be hobbling across the city with Ralph in his freshly-shot condition, but the building was only three blocks away, and there were plenty of hiding spots along the road.

Joel went to the door and began to tear pliers off of it, clearing the way for them to get out. Ellie shuffled to her feet, and Joel caught the glint of her revolver out of the corner of his eye, stuck under her belt.

'Put that in your pack, you'll shoot your ass off.' He ordered.

'But it looks cool this way! And Ralph does it all the time.' She defended.

'Yeah, and look how that turned out for him. Ralph's a moron.' Joel looked over just in time to watch Ralph scrunch his face up, clearly having heard that part of the conversation. He was using Lou as his crutch right now, but it was obvious that he wasn't putting his weight on her no matter how much she wanted to help out. Joel's eyes widened. '...That was out of context.'

'Better have been.' Ralph threatened emptily, taking his arm from around Lou's shoulder and steadying himself on the table next to him. 'So, how do you plan on getting us across the city with me like this?'

'Quietly and quickly.' Joel replied, bending his knees so he could slip under Ralph's arm and be his new support.

...

'ISN'T THIS CHILD ENDANGERMENT?' Ellie asked as Joel hoisted her up onto his shoulders, wobbling around and reaching around for some kind of grip on something. 'Ah, shit, shit!'

'I'm not sure if child endangerment is the worst crime we've committed.' Ralph grabbed her around the back and the stomach, steadying her and holding her still.

'Straighten up, we've got you.' Joel assured her, pushing her up a little bit further until her palm smacked against the vent and echoed. She stretched her arms out further, reaching for the furthest ledge of the vent, and pulled herself up with a slightly shocking amount of upper-body strength. The vent cover clattered to the ground and Ellie tucked her legs into the vent with the rest of her body, making Joel and Ralph let go.

The second they weren't holding her, they went back to their standard crutch position like it was natural, their arms wrapped around each other.

The door Lou was standing by began to wiggle, and eventually, it popped open with Ellie on the other side of it, grinning cheerfully. 'Where would you guys be without me, huh?'

'By now, Wyoming.' Joel grumbled at the same time Ralph said, 'Watching TV with a perfectly fine hip.'

'Oh, yeah. Walked right into those, didn't I?' Ellie sighed to herself, holding the door open for them as they trudged past and then closing it behind them. They walked around in the dark, silent room for a moment, the eerie environment giving Ralph slight flashbacks to the monster museum before Joel flashed his torch onto a sign that indicated that there were stairs nearby.

'Alright, we'll make our way up, and come morning, I'll take a look at the city and find our way out.' He instructed, still approaching the door he was illuminating. Being rather helpful, Lou hurried to hold the door open for Joel and her dad, watching the two of them with care in her eyes. It was clear to Joel that Lou was worried, which was probably the reason why she hadn't cracked one too many shitty jokes as of late, and he offered her a sympathetic look as they walked past.

'We're goin' up forty-two flights?' Ellie whispered, looking at Joel like he was a crazy, crazy man. He was.

'No, no, not all the way.' Joel held his flashlight up to the staircase above them, feeling tired and nauseous just looking at it. Ralph felt the same way too because Joel heard him make a defeated sound.

'How far?' Lou asked softly, standing up on her tiptoes to try and calculate how far that thing really did go.

'As far as the two of us can make it.' Joel mumbled, tightening his grip on Ralph's shoulder to prepare himself.

...

RALPH WAS SO TIRED THAT, by the time they reached the thirty-third floor, he collapsed right on top of the nearest mattress. Until he fell onto his sore hip and groaned out in pain and started rolling around in agony. Ellie laughed a little. Ralph glared at her. 'Screw you. You try being shot. See how you like it.'

'Awh, someone needs his beauty sleep.' She teased, shiting over as Lou sat down on the second mattress alongside her.

'I'll beauty sleep you out a window.' He threatened.

'The hell does that even mean?' Ellie antagonized the man further.

'Go to sleep.' Joel pointed at her, making a gesture to how Lou was already laying down as if to magically make Ellie copy her. Ellie shut her mouth, but still sat upright to watch Joel seat himself next to Ralph on their mattress. She puckered her lips to make a kissing motion and he gave her the deathliest death stare he could manage.

Ellie sighed in defeat, laying down next to Lou, and the room fell silent.

Joel was still gathering his belongings, so, when he lay down, he didn't really notice that he would be facing Ralph. It was a weird habit, but Joel always had to sleep on his right, which just so happened to be the way that Ralph was.

'...Hey, could you, uh... Turn over?' He requested awkwardly, keeping his voice quiet so that Lou and Ellie couldn't hear him.

'Bitch, I got shot! You turn over.' He probably would've if he was physically capable of it. Joel had to fight off a snort of laughter even though Ralph was already laughing to himself.

'Sorry, it's just that... I always sleep on my right. And I can't sleep if you're staring at me.'

'Wow, am I that hideous?'

'No! No, you're not... You're not hideous—'

'Oh, so you think I'm hot?'

Joel went completely silent, staring at Ralph like the man had just figured out his deepest darkest secret. Ralph stared at him with a furrowed face for a moment, until it faded into a smug smile.

'Oh. You do think I'm hot.'

'I didn't say that.'

'You're right, you didn't say that. But, you also didn't say no.' Ralph said matter-of-factly, raising his eyebrows a little to try and get a rise out of Joel. All he got was the older man rolling his eyes and beginning to turn over. Ralph caught him by the hand, and Joel fell back onto his right. 'How's it healing?'

'It's... Good.' His voice wobbled a little as Ralph began to gently unwrap the bandage that he had carefully applied forever ago, both of his hands holding Joel's. 'Feels alright.'

'Looks alright, too.' Ralph smiled at nothing, raising Joel's hand up near his face so he could see it in the pitch-dark room. There was the glisten of dried blood, but most of the dark red pigment had faded to pink, in some cases, it was gone completely. Of course, he still needed to know if Joel's fingers were actually working.

So, he did the logical thing and he placed their hands palm-to-palm, fingers spread out against Joel's. Joel had sweaty hands, which was normally gross, but kind of cute for this certain scenario. Joel looked away from their hands to lock eyes with Ralph, face furrowed and confused. Ralph gave him a small nod of the head.

'Go on.' He insisted.

With a smidge of difficulty, Joel flexed his fingers and filled in the gaps, intertwining them with Ralph's, his grip tight around his knuckles. Ralph had soft hands, but there were certain scars and callouses that made Joel want to ask him about them. Joel had rough hands, which made sense because Joel was Joel— Always working and always shooting and stabbing and punching people, but Ralph still liked them. They felt nice.

'See? Getting better.' Ralph smiled all innocently, like Joel wasn't completely red in the face. He had never been more thankful to sleep in the pitch darkness of nothingness. All he could see was Ralph, and he liked it.

'...I should probably roll over now.' Joel said softly, still not taking his hand away from Ralph's.

'You don't have to.' Ralph offered quietly, wrinkles by his eyes as he grinned.

Joel didn't reply, but he didn't have to. Ralph gave him a moment, waiting to see if he would, but when he didn't move, he shuffled forward. Ralph rested his temple on the corner of Joel's shoulder, closing his eyes without another word, like this was where he was meant to be — Holding hands with scary Joel Miller and falling asleep on top of him.

Joel closed his eyes too, beginning to drift off to sleep, until he heard something.

'Did you guys know that diarrhoea is hereditary?'

'Huh?'

'Yeah. It runs in your genes.'

...

NOTES!

if u thought i was going to skip the diarrhoea joke ur MENTAL.
also why is diarrhoea so difficult to fucking spell i literally had to google it to make sure i got it right

shoutout pais for distracting me while i was meant to be proofreading this and listening to all of my ranting abt this book AND helping me pick this chapters name!! i love them go follow them, they let me copy off them in science xx

GUYS they are GAY.