'MY BUTT HUUURTS.' Lou wailed, waddling out of the gas station with Ellie in front of her and acting like she was on the brink of death.

It made sense, because they had been driving for a while now, and even though Ralph didn't like to judge, it was obvious that Bill and Frank hadn't chosen the car with the most comfortable seats.

'You're lucky you can still feel yours.' Ellie countered, shimmying over to Ralph as he sat on the bonnet of the car Joel was draining and stared off into space in his big, pink shirt.

They'd all taken clothes from Bill's because he had literally everything. Ellie got a grey long-sleeve top, put a maroon t-shirt over it, and stocked up on jackets while she could. Joel had the same idea, just with a green flannel instead of a t-shirt.

Lou bagged herself a dark grey sweater and a pair of jeans that were a little too big on her, but they had piles of pockets, so she was able to classify them as 'tactical' rather than 'stylish.' Ralph had a little less freedom in his clothes because when he emerged from his shower, Lou had already tossed a pink button-up onto the counter of the bathroom. He guessed she thought it would've been funny, and it was, until Ralph started to pull it off and she just looked really stupid.

Joel peered over the hood, having heard the footsteps falling on the gravel, and huffed a little bit when he saw the girls approaching.

'Be nice, you.' Ralph taunted, looking down at him. Joel looked back up at him and offered him a slight smile. They hadn't talked much about the basement, about what was said. All they knew was that, for once, they were finally okay with each other just being there. No more stupid arguments, no more passive-aggressive comments, no more yelling. Just Joel and Ralph co-existing.

Ralph turned around to greet the duo as they got closer and closer, completely forgetting his warning to be nice and shouting, 'Hey, losers!'

He heard Joel scoff but let himself believe that it was a joking one.

'Hey, senior citizens!' Ellie yelled back, no need for it because of their close proximity. Lou shuffled up to the edge of the car where her dad and sat hugged him, completely out of the blue. He reciprocated instantly.

It left Ellie in a bit of an awkward situation, standing there like a statue and just watching them be normal, affectionate family members. She hoped it would pass soon, and it did. They pulled away from the hug, but they still continued to talk to each other. Ellie was too far away to hear, and she didn't want to intrude any more than she already was, so, she went for the next best option.

'We have to do this every hour?' She nagged Joel, walking to the far side of the car and standing in front of him, casting a shadow. He didn't even have to look up to know who he was talking to.

'Gas breaks down over time.' He said. He was acting like Ellie was his second option too, now that Ralph and Lou were spending time together, and, for the first time, she actually understood him. Not about the gas thing, about the awkwardness. 'This stuff's almost water. Back in the day, we'd drive ten-twelve hours on one tank. You could go anywhere.'

'So, where'd you go?' Ellie asked.

'...Pretty much nowhere.' Joel shrugged, holding his handmade siphon up to his lips. After a couple of seconds, the gas began to drain into the can he was holding, and Ellie stepped forward with amazement on her face.

'Nice! How does that work?' It was no surprise that FEDRA school had failed her in basic physics.

'It's a siphon.' He explained. She squinted at him. 'It's when liquid travels against gravity... Because pressure—'

'—You don't know.'

'I know it works.' He argued, wiggling his head at her. Ellie laughed to herself, turning around and beginning to set foot north.

'No wandering.' Joel called. She kept wandering. 'Ralph, you tell her.'

'Ellie, no wandering!' Ralph repeated, and Ellie froze in her tracks, shuffling back over to the group. By now, the Zhenya's had disbanded their conversation (thank God), and Ellie was grinning and spinning around to plant her backpack on the hood of the nearest car.

'Okay. This is your guys' fault, then.' She announced menacingly, unzipping her bag and searching. Ralph leaned back to look at Joel, eyebrows raised. Joel shrugged at him. Ellie spun around again, this time with a book in her hands.

'"It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationary."'

Everybody looked at each other whilst she giggled like a crazy woman.

Lou didn't even laugh. She just looked mildly confused.

'"No Pun Intended Volume Too" by Will Livingston.' She read out the cover to them, flicking the pages over so they could see it. She seemed more focused on impressing Joel, and it was not working in the slightest. '"Volume Too." Look, you get it? Like, t-o-o.'

'Jesus.' Joel whispered, reaching for the bonnet and hauling himself up to stand as the gas continued to drain and the horrible jokes continued to spew.

'"What did the mermaid wear to her math class?"' This time, Ellie waited for the audience to participate, eyes darting from one person to another as they all stared back at her. She wasn't going to budge.

'I dunno, Ellie. What did the mermaid wear to her math class?' Ralph took the plunge for them all.

'"An algae bra!"' Ellie said cheerfully, laughing as she recited it. 'Like, algae bra, haha! "I stayed up all night—'

'—No.' Lou tried to put a stop to this madness. 'Ellie, no more—'

'"—Wondering where the sun went, and then it dawned on me!"'

'Hey, you guys can feel free to wait in the truck.' Joel pretty much demanded, nodding his head to where the car was parked a short distance away. Ellie and Lou shared a look and then nodded at each other.

'Okay, fine. But, just know, you guys can't escape Will Livingston. There's nothing you can do to stop him. He'll be back, and he'll be better than ever.' She warned mysteriously, plopping the book back into her bag and swinging it onto her shoulders.

'It gets better than algae bra?' Ralph faked excitement.

'Just you wait.' Ellie narrowed her eyes playfully, following Lou on the way to the truck and striking up a totally different conversation.

Ralph and Joel sat/stood in silence, waiting for the can to be filled and watching the girls try to trip each other in the distance like the little assholes they were.

Out of nowhere, Ralph laughed, and not because Ellie had almost faceplanted onto the dirt from a kick to the back of the knee.

'Algae bra.' He sighed.

...

'I GOT SOMETHING.' Ellie announced, leaning forward and popping into the gap between the driver and passenger seat with a cassette in her hand. 'This make you all nostalgic?'

Some dude named Hank Williams was on the front of it, wearing a glorious cowboy hat. Ralph scoffed and handed it to Joel.

'This is actually before my time. It's a winner, though.' Joel stuffed the cassette into the radio without hesitation, which was understandable because neither of the men could listen to Ellie and Lou bickering about everything and anything for much longer.

'Hey, didn't you use to wear those ugly hats, dad?' Lou asked suddenly, leaning forward when Ellie leaned back and resting her face on the side of his seat.

'No.' Ralph replied too fast for it to be normal. Joel's head snapped towards him and Ellie looked up from the magazine she had grabbed to tune into the conversation. '...Shut up, I did not.'

'You did too!' Lou laughed, watching him turn red in the face. She leaned back excitedly, beginning to detail all of Ralph's Connecticut life to Ellie. 'All around the apartment, there are pictures of him and mom in their house in the countryside, and dad's always wearing this big, white hat. Suuuper dumb looking.'

'And you're callin' me the hillbilly?' Joel tilted his head, ignoring the way that Lou talking about her mom made his stomach drop.

'I'm gonna jump out of this car, swear to God.' Ralph shoved his hands over his eyes and keeled over in embarrassment. 'The Connecticut thing was a phase!'

'You can take the boy outta the country, but you can never take the country outta the boy.' Joel teased.

'See! He's the hillbilly! I would never say embarrassing shit like...' Ralph should've gotten suspicious the second it began to get quiet in the back seat, but Joel nagging him had completely diverted his attention and he wasn't able to stop the girls in the back from literally looking at porn.

'How would he even walk around with that thing!?' Ellie exclaimed, holding the magazine sideways and shoving it towards Lou so she could see it next.

'Ellie, get rid of that!' Joel ordered with a mortified expression on his face, looking at Ralph for help. He was met with an equally disturbed look from the man in the seat next to him, who was usually equipped for every single kind of parenting situation. Apparently not this one.

'Eww! That's got to be a... Safety hazard or something!' Lou yelped, throwing the magazine back at Ellie and shoving her hands over her eyes, probably traumatized for life.

'Give me that!' Ralph finally demanded, turning around in his seat and reaching for it. Ellie snatched it back when he almost got a hold of it, smiling menacingly.

'Why, you wanna take a look too?' She wiggled her eyebrows mockingly, ducking away from him once more and attempting to flick over another page just to annoy him even more. Confusion crossed her face. '...Why are all these pages stuck together?'

'Uhhhmmmm...' Joel said dumbly, still completely speechless from behind the wheel. Ralph turned around in his seat a little so he could thump his face down onto the headrest in defeat.

'I'm just fuckin' with ya!' Ellie broke character, grinning after her prank went in the right direction. The magazine was flung right at Ralph's head, startling him and smacking him right in the nose. 'Happy browsing, Zhenya!'

Ralph retrieved it from the dashboard and rolled down the window to toss it, wondering how or why Ellie even obtained this in the first place. The breeze from the window caused a few of the pages to flip open.

'Damn.' Ralph whispered to himself, narrowing his eyes at one particular page. Joel looked over at him, and they locked eyes in silence. Slowly, Ralph looked away, closed over the magazine, and tossed it out the window, crossing his arms over his chest awkwardly.

'Bye forever, dude!' Ellie yelled.

...

'IS IT JUST ME, or do these woods look the same as the last one?' Lou asked, staring up at the towering pine trees as the four of them gathered around for their dinner— Ravioli that Ralph and Joel almost set on fire while they made it.

'All woods look the same. They're just woods.' Ralph shrugged, stating the most obvious thing known to man. Joel rolled his eyes a little, despite his recent promise of being nice. 'Last woods were Oak woods, though. These are pine.'

'Slow down.' He told Ellie as the girl gobbled down her food three pieces of pasta at a time like she had never eaten before in her life.

'This is slow.' She defended, only looking up from her plate for a second before continuing to wolf everything down like a goddamn animal. She looked back up again with her fork hovering in front of her mouth. 'What are we even eating?'

'Twenty-year-old Chef Boyardee ravioli, prepared by yours truly. And Joel, but, I did all the heavy lifting.' Ralph said smugly, looking over at Joel because he knew the comment would earn him some kind of irritated reaction.

'You couldn't even open the can.' Joel bit back, chewing a mouthful of pasta on one side of his mouth and making himself look stupid. Ralph laughed and went back to eating. Joel smiled to himself.

'That guy was good!' Ellie said admirably, bopping her head up and down. 'How long are we staying out here?'

'Well, I'm thinking that I could sleep tonight.' Joel began. 'Ralph doesn't have a liscence, so, I'll drive all day and all night tomorrow and we'll get to Wyoming by the next morning. Drop you off to the Fireflies and make our merry way back to Boston or... Wherever the hell.'

'Can we start a fire? I'm freezing.' Lou asked softly, setting her empty dish down in front of her and stretching her arms.

'Why am I gonna tell you no, Lou?' Joel crossed his arms at her. Lou seemed a little bit shocked by his tone, seeing as Joel had never really addressed her correctly, let alone angrily. He always left Ralph to do all the scolding and chiding and ordering, especially when it was his daughter in question.

'...People.' She mumbled, staring back at him with a blank expression on her face. They held eye contact for a moment before she looked at the Earth below her, plucking strands of grass and tossing them to the side.

Everyone fell silent. Even Ellie stopped chowing down to share a glance with Ralph, looking at him with a surprised expression. Knowing Ellie, she wasn't discreet about it at all, and Joel caught onto the fact that his sudden change in character could've spooked the shit out of Lou, just like he had chased her out of Ralph's room.

So much for being nice. Way to go, Joel!

'Lou, I didn't mean—'

'Hey, you wanna go hunt for berries?' Ralph cut Joel's apology very short, reaching out and patting his kid on the arm. Lou looked up at him, facing completely away from Joel and acting like he hadn't said anything in the first place. 'You can get blueberries in pine forests, 'cause it's an acidic type. Skinny trees can't stop the rainfall, so it all goes into the soil.'

Even though it was just nerdy nature talk, it seemed to make Lou feel better. She nodded her head quietly, getting to her feet and trudging off. Ralph stayed seated for a moment more, clearly with something else to say.

'I didn't mean to upset her.' Joel said, now that there was finally an opportunity to do so.

'You didn't, you just spooked her a little bit.' He assured with a small nod of his head, pushing himself to his feet. 'We'll be back in a little while, promise. Don't get killed. And don't kill each other.'

'Can you bring me back blueberries too!?' Ellie called after him. Ralph gave her a thumbs up.

...

THEIR BERRY HUNTING SESSION JUST ENDED UP BEING RANTS ABOUT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. Lou spoke about Joel for a while, how she didn't like his controlling attitude, and how she wished he hadn't spoken to her like that. He let her ramble on for a minute or five, and then finally assured her that Joel had no bad intentions and that he was really looking out for them all.

Although he spared a lot of details, he made a brief mention of how he and Joel were pretty cool with each other now, following the shenanigans that occurred at Bill and Frank's. Lou nodded her head, said that she had noticed it, and left her dad to decode whatever that meant.

They were walking back to their shitty little campsite, pockets full of berries and fruits, when Lou looked at him.

'If I tell you something, do you promise not to laugh?' She asked abruptly, munching on the snacks they had retrieved. He had warned her not to do so until they had been washed, but she never listened.

'Yeah, sure.' As a dad, it was his job to be open-minded, to answer questions without causing fear of humiliation or rejection. Sometimes, though, Lou asked very dumb questions. He didn't blame her though, he blamed FEDRA and their shitty school system. They were more focused on brainwashing them to be soldiers than teaching them what two plus two was.

'When we were at Bill and Frank's,' She began, looking at the leaves that crunched below her feet. 'They had pictures of themselves all over the place, right? And, most of them were, like, normal. But, in some of them, they were, like... Kissing. Like, fully on the lips!'

'Yeah. So?' Ralph squinted at her.

'What do you mean "So"? Isn't that, like, weird?' She was shocked that he wasn't shocked by this.

'No. It's normal.' He said softly.

'...So, you've kissed boys?' She tilted her head.

'Lou!' He scolded, not denying it.

'You said that it was normal!' She held her hands up in surrender.

'Wait, so, you're fifteen years of age — Three years away from being a legal, grown adult... And, this entire time, you didn't know that gay people exist?' He gasped, shocked, but not in the way Lou had expected him to be. Meekly, she nodded her head up and down and Ralph laughed at her, even though he said he wouldn't have.

'What!? Not my fault that I was being taught about friggin' Infected and "playing my part in the community" instead of gay people! Blame FEDRA, not me.' She barked back at him.

'Oh, trust me, FEDRA sucks.' Ralph reminded her. 'But, they're bound to have, like, one gay employee. Maybe a bi one.'

'What's a bi?'

'Jesus Christ.'

'Not my fault!'

...

NOTES!

lou not knowing what a gay person is even tho she's LITERALLY surrounded by them 😭

lou is so bbg i love her so much my lil pookiebear she doesnt do anything wrong ever everveervevrevrrv i love her
if anything bad EVER happens to her, you all have 100% permission to kill me and throw me in a lake

lou and joels beef is indestructible these two r ALWAYS arguin istg!!! they love eachother tho trust x

ralph and joel arguing abt their hillbilly-ness makes me giggle they're so gay like just kiss already

also ralph's favorite color is pink now because of his pink shirt and also because i say so

this is just a silly chapter because i love these goobers
alr BYE