'DO YOU MIND EXPLAINING, IN SIMPLE TERMS, WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?' Ralph hissed, slamming the apartment door shut behind him and glaring a hole into Joel's eyesockets. The man across from him opened his mouth to speak, but Ralph held up a finger and Joel just shut up in an instant. He took a moment to be shocked, not even Tess could shut him up that easy, before quickly tuning in to what he was being scolded about. 'Because I'm pretty sure that a random teenage girl that I have never seen before just tried to slice my face in half for no apparent reason?'

Ralph didn't look angry. Even though he had a lot of reasons to be, especially right now, he didn't look it. Joel didn't think he had ever seen an ill expression cross Ralph's face. He was always smiley and happy and laughing when he wasn't anxious and quiet and timid. It varied between the two, but it never crossed the border to sad or angry or disgusted. Even now, after he almost got his eyeball poked out, he's not particularly angry. He's not happy, but he's not angry.

'Listen, Ralph, it's... It's a long story, okay?' Joel tilted his head down a little bit, holding a hand up to... He didn't know why he did that. Maybe to try and come across as more... Defensive? Why would he need to defend himself against a fifty-year-old man who was probably a foot shorter than him and was scared of spiders?

'I've got all day, Joel. In fact, why don't you come over for a cup of tea later? Looks like you already made yourself at home.' Ralph pointed towards the door of his apartment, just in case Joel had no idea what he was talking about, just in case Joel had forgotten about what he had seen earlier.

It went silent.

'It's for a job.' Joel said finally, gruffly, like Ralph had really pried this info out of him. '...The girl. We need to get her... Someplace, I dunno. Marlene asked us. There's a Firefly base somewhere out in the countryside, and she wants us to get the girl there. In return, we get enough gear and food to last us a lifetime.'

'You're what?' It sounded more like a statement than a question.

'Okay, I know this sounds bad—'

'It is bad, Joel. Is bad!' Ralph whisper-shouted at him, somehow still not angry. He turned around, facing completely away from him, before spinning around like he hadn't wanted to turn away in the first place. 'You're smuggling kids now?'

'We didn't really have a choice, man.' Joel huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and sighing through his nose as Ralph went on his own separate, anxious little rant. Joel had seen a couple of these during his times with Ralph, even though they spent very limited time together. He began to pace back and forth and mess with his hair, staring at his feet and talking crazy. 'Hey, stop freaking out. You don't even have anything to do with this, alright? You can just skip, hop and jump back into your little apartment, take your girl with you, mind your own, and then this'll all blow over.'

The door to the left of them was tossed wide open, the doorknob echoed when it thumped against the drywall. There stood Ellie and Lou, who had very clearly been listening to the whole entire conversation.

Ellie seemed well under control of her breathing by now, but there was a red mark forming on the front of her throat where Ralph's fist had made contact. Another sharp stab of guilt ran through him, making him feel a little bit lightheaded.

Lou was looking at them both like they had just murdered her entire family. Dramatically, she stepped towards Ellie and wrapped her arms around the brunette's neck. Ellie seemed pretty surprised by this, but quickly reciprocated by hugging her back. 'I'm not letting you take Ellie.'

'You're not a part of this.' Joel said sternly, looking between the two girls. Joe had never been too fond of kids, apart from the kid that was once his own, but even he couldn't deny that these two girls, although an unlikely duo, had proved to get along very well within the past hour.

When Tess had led Ellie into the apartment and slammed the door shut on her, Joel fully expected to hear the sounds of vases hitting walls and people screaming at each other, but when he reentered the room, he discovered that the two of them were already creating their own secret handshake.

Silently, Ralph stood forward, looking at Joel over his shoulder before kneeling down so he was face-level with his daughter. He began murmuring to her, and as he spoke, Lou's grip became looser and looser from where it was around Ellie's shoulders, like she was being convinced bit by bit to just go inside and forget about it.

A lightbulb went off inside of Joel's head.

'Wait.' He said, and that was one of the last things Ralph wanted to hear right now. Joel shifted his weight to one foot, pointing down at the other man. 'You're big on animals, right? Like, nature and shit?'

Ralph's eyes twinkled when he looked back up at him. '...Yeah.'

Joel crossed his arms and stared off into the distance, pinching his eyebrows together and staring at the grubby, old wall at the end of the hallway. He scratched at his jaw, messing up his beard, before dropping his shoulders in a heaving sigh.

'You're coming with us. Go pack, Lou. Field trip time.'

Lou let out a squeal of what seemed to be joy, dragging Ellie by the hand across the hall and into the other apartment. The girl accompanying Ralph's daughter had a small smile on her face as well, but she dropped it in order to give Ralph a glare and dig her elbow into his side as she walked past.

Though he held the place of impact and wobbled from where he was crouched down, Ralph didn't seem hung up on the contact and instead just wanted to figure out what the fuck Joel thought he was doing. He rose to stand, but Joel got him first.

'You want me to tell her what I found in that neat little suitcase?'

Oh.

Oh.

'Are you trynna blackmail me, Miller?' Ralph asked.

'What do you think?' Joel asked.

They stared at each other. Ralph had really nice eyes, even if there was fire burning behind them. Joel had never really noticed it before, he had never cared much. Not that he cared now. Or would ever care. It was just something to look at during this staring contest.

Ralph blinked first. Joel bit back a smile.

Ralph left to go and pack his bag.

...

'THE FUCK IS THIS, A FAMILY REUNION?' Tess hissed at Joel, standing at the bottom of the ladder in the dimly lit tunnel as Ralph and Lou shuffled up behind them. It wasn't a surprise that Joel hadn't thought to share the fact that two more people had joined their little rebellion. He thought that Tess wouldn't have minded that much, considering it was only Ralph and Lou, but she still looked like she wanted to pull out her pistol and shoot them both right there and then.

'I'm as annoyed as you are, dude.' Ralph said dryly, sounding like he would rather be walking across hot coals than being here and actually doing something interesting in his life.

'Where are we going?' Lou smiled brightly, dressed for the occasion. She had come equipped in fully black clothes, her hair tied back in braids, and stripes of combat paint underneath each eye. 'Ooh! Can we go to Canada? Mooses are so cool! ...Mooses? Is that the right word? Is it Meese?'

'Just moose, sweetheart.' Ralph said softly, careful of keeping his voice down. He didn't want to be the one getting them caught, not when Joel and him were already fighting, he had punched Ellie, and Tess was his only hope right now. 'It's like sheep, the plural is the same as the singular.'

'Oh. That's annoying. I hate sheep.' She said to herself.

The room went silent, and Joel eyed Ralph incredulously, like he couldn't believe he prioritized the correct usage of Moose over what was pretty much a life-or-death situation.

'If you fuck this up for us, I'll blow your nutsack off.' Tess warned, beginning to climb up the ladder.

'Understandable.' Ralph nodded, following after her.

...

THE NEXT FEW MINUTES WERE SPENT SNEAKING AROUND AND STAYING CLOSE TO THE GROUND, following each other in a single file line with Tess at the front and Joel at the back. Ralph had never noticed how heavily surveilled the QZ was until he was ducking away from flashlights and machinery every other millisecond.

Initially, the sneaking was pretty difficult. Tess was walking too fast, Ellie was going too slow, and every time Ralph stalled Joel poked him, but they eventually got a good rhythm going and the operation went smoothly until they were right at the border with their backs pressed to the wall. The gap that led into the outside world, the one that Joel had informed them all about, was just around the corner, and he was just about to turn and run straight for it until someone grabbed him by the arm and snatched him backwards.

'Hey, don't move!' The guard right around the corner yelled. Joel hadn't even seen him until now, and it was all thanks to Ralph, who was still holding onto his arm like he was about to tear it off. Across from them, the guard lowered his gun, flipped up his visor, and looked between Joel and Tess. 'You gotta be shittin' me.'

'Okay, let's talk this out.' Joel offered, taking a step forward and causing Ralph to finally let up on the sleeve of his jacket. Ralph didn't know much about the FEDRA community. He only knew the officers and officials that he needed to know, and even then, he didn't care about them all that much. He guessed that this guard and Joel were familiar with each other in some way.

Joel began to debate with him, which didn't seem like such a smart move considering that one of them had a gun and the other was already kind of a dickhead to everyone. During this moment of brief silence, Lou began to shuffle closer to her dad.

'Hey, hands up, kid!' The gun was raised again.

'Don't point that fucking thing at her!' Ralph shouted.

'Jesus, will you leave it alone, Zhenya!?' Joel glared.

'Both of you, shut the fuck up!' Tess yelled, hands raised by her head as she began to turn around and get on her knees as she had been told to. Ellie was the next one to follow. Ralph kneeled next to her, and he was given a very nasty look by the teenager. Lou and Joel were the two at the end of the row. Tess began to bargain again, since Ralph had rudely interrupted Joel's grand attempt. 'Listen, you let us do this run, we'll split the cards with you.'

'Oh, will you? I'm so blessed. Hands on your head, eyes forward.' The man barked out the orders, repeating them louder when Tess just looked at him in disbelief. He pressed his scanner close to the back of Tess's knuckle.

'Really, man?' She exclaimed.

'Yep. We're doin' this by the book.' When the guard said that, Ralph noticed a sudden change within Ellie. Her head snapped forward and her eyes went wide, seeming more scared by a scanner than a gun. The conversation continued in the background while Ralph leaned forward and lowered his voice.

'You okay?' He said softly, watching as the man moved on to Joel. Ellie just nodded quickly. It looked like she didn't even hear what he had just said, had bigger things on her mind. There was arguing again, and Ellie slowly lowered her hand and began to dig around in her pocket. Her hand came back to rest behind her head not even a second later, before anyone but Ralph could realize what had happened. The scanner beeped and, in the palm of her clenched fist, Ralph saw a glint of metal against the lightning. 'Ellie!'

Crying out, Ellie dug the very same switchblade she had tried to use earlier right into the FEDRA man's thigh. He stumbled, reaching down and grabbing at the blade while using his other arm to raise his gun again.

Ralph ran at him, reaching for the gun.

It was difficult to see within the rain and darkness, but Ellie liked to think that Ralph was winning, at least for the most of it. It was like tug-of-war but violent. Lou swore to God that the guard bit Ralph at one point, which was the move that sent him to the ground, sitting on his ass. That wasn't enough, though.

Even though he was a man down, Ralph reached forward and grabbed Ellie's knife. He didn't pull it out and try to stab it back in someplace else, he just placed his fist around the handle and twisted it around once before catching an army boot to the face and falling back. If anything, it sounded more painful than the original stab, like salt in the wound.

'Agh! Fuck you, you fucking asshole!' The man screamed, placing his finger on the trigger.

Joel knocked him straight off his feet, rolling around in the dirt until he was able to wind his fist back and punch. And punch. And punch. And punch. Each and every one seemed more personal. Like there was a deeper meaning. Something inside of Joel had been bottled up and kept in a very dark corner until a moment exactly like this.

Everyone watched in silence as Joel killed the fucker right in front of them.

'...Joel!' Tess screamed suddenly, causing the attention to switch to her as she held up the scanner that was now flashing bright red for infected.

'No! No, I'm not sick!' Ellie yelled back at her, trying to explain herself as Ralph hurried to his feet and dragged Lou away from the other girl, holding his daughter close by his side. 'Look! Look! This is three weeks old and nobody lasts more than a day! Ralph, look! I'm not sick!'

Ellie held out her arm towards him, her sleeve bunched up around her shoulder to show it off. He took a step forward and grabbed a hold of her wrist, making sure Lou was still far behind him as he took a closer look. There was definitely a bite, but it was all healed over by now. All that was left was scarred, bumpy skin and a bright red undertone. He grimaced and dropped Ellie's arm, only for Tess to grab it next and begin her own inspection.

Lou side-hugged him then, suddenly and out of the blue, and he hugged her back just as tight. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and turned them around, shielding her from the sight of Joel still towering over the body that was laying further in front of them.

An alarm sounded in the distance, and that was when they all agreed that, even if Ellie was sick or not, they would be fucked if they stayed here for much longer.

'We gotta move, Joel!' Tess ordered, placing her hand on Lou's shoulder and leading her through the gap in the wall. Tess followed after the younger girl, waving for Ellie to follow them.

Joel had snapped out of whatever... Trance he had been in and began to gather his gun and a few stray belongings that had fled from his pockets. In the glint of the moonlight, Ralph could see the blood that coated his shaky knuckles and decided that giving a helping hand would be better for the both of them.

He kneeled and began to pick up things. A wallet, spare cards, flashlight batteries, etcetera— All of which he handed to Joel hurriedly whilst he ordered him to go after Tess and Lou, and Ellie. For once in his life, Joel actually seemed to listen.

Ralph would've celebrated if he hadn't been more caught up in the fact that the fucker on the ground was still breathing.

Barely. Joel had beaten him within an inch of his life. He was unrecognizable. If they took the FEDRA outfit off of him, Ralph was sure nobody would even know he was an agent in the first place. His skin was swollen, had been beaten blue and purple and green, the rain was pouring down on him, and his breaths came out in wheezy little pants.

But, even if they were barely there, they were still there.

So, Ralph did what any reasonable person would do.

He reached for his belt, pulled out a silenced pistol, and planted a bullet right between the guy's eyes.

He didn't kick about for long afterwards. He did what he needed to do and got out of there, still wiping speckles of blood off of his face as he turned around and saw that Ellie was still there and had seen the whole thing.

And the little weirdo was looking at him like he was the baddest badass alive.

...

NOTES!
good GOD this was a juicy one

ralph and ellie by far have the craziest but cutest friendship, it makes no sense but it also makes so much sense!

joel protecting ralph and thinking he has nice eyes #apocalypsedads #gaypeoplearerealandralphandjoelareproof #aesthetic

RALPH IS A BADDIE YALL WBK WBK
he ate that fedra hoe up w NO hesitation as he should have

ALSO i just started midterm break so expect a LOOOOT more updates in the upcoming week