RALPH SHUFFLED UP THE STEPS OF THE APARTMENT COMPLEX, two bags of groceries wrapped around either of his wrists like bracelets, each step accentuated with deep concentration. His blood circulation was definitely gone by now, wouldn't be able to use his hands for a while, but that was better than having to get down on his knees and gather up scattered apples and eggs from this dirty ass floor.

On his way back from work, midway to the grocery store, his walkie-talkie had gone off and his daughter had demanded that he bring home two cartons of milk today, one for them and one for Joel and Tess. He answered back, agreeing to it and asking about her day. Lou then went on a ten-minute rant about how Joel was being super duper bossy today, and that Ralph needed to come home and "sort him out."

'Sweetheart, if you think I'm going to scold Joel Miller for you, you've got another thing coming.' He laughed to himself, wandering through the aisles of the dimly lit store. Suddenly, he was rather grateful that he had sprung for the tactical walkies instead of the stupid, cheap ones. These had a much better radius and pretty decent audio quality.

'Yeah, I know. He's totally terrifying.' Ralph wasn't very sure if she was mocking or agreeing with him, but there was a bit of shuffling on the other side of the walkie. 'Tess and him are off of a job, whatever that means. They left me, like, completely home alone.'

'Hey, do you like dark chocolate?' He asked randomly, picking up a bar of it and waiting for a response. He was met with nothing but an 'eugh!' and made the smart decision to put it back down before letting the realization of what she had just said hit him. 'They left you home alone!? Are— Are you okay? Do you want me to come get you? I'm only, like, five blocks away, but—'

'Dad! I'm fine! Come on, seriously? I'm fifteen, you know. I'm gonna, like, start paying rent and dating people in a couple years.' Lou giggled, though there was lots of truth behind her words.

'I'd appreciate the rent, but you're not dating anyone ever. I will trash your wedding if I have to.' Lou let out a dramatic sigh and he laughed, continuing to play it up. 'I am not kidding. I'll eat all of the cake, and I'll step on the back of your dress, and I'll piss on the priest if I have to.'

Lou cackled on the other line, and he listened to every little snort and gasp for air that she took with a big, fat grin on his face. It was so weird that he had to say the most bizarre things to get her to laugh, especially in such a hysteric way, but as long as his daughter was happy, he would piss on a priest any day.

'You would not.' She said finally, clearing her throat.

'I would too.' He said firmly.

'Yeah, whatever, Mister I'm-afraid-of-spiders-and-always-have-to-call-Lou-to-come-get-them.' She mocked, and he could sense the expression on her face and the head movements she was making.

'Spiders are freaks of nature! You only like them 'cause you're a little weirdo.' Ralph said boldly, holding the fridge door open with his thigh to place two cartons of milk into the basket he was holding, trapping the walkie-talkie between his shoulder and ear.

'That is so mean! You're a mean man, Raphael.' There was a muffled sound on Lou's end, the sound of other voices in the distance, and she shuffled around a little before finally explaining it. 'Hey, Joel and Tess are back. I'm probably gonna go now. I think they brought someone with them, and I don't wanna be a hassle.'

'Alright, honey. Just make sure Joel and Tess aren't dragging you into anything. I know you love them and all, but, accidents happen.' Lou made a small grunting sound, unsurprised that he was taking another opportunity to lecture her. He decided to cut her some slack. 'And make sure they know I'm gonna kill them for abandoning you... Don't actually tell them that, though. They're gonna kill me... Okay, bye, honey! Love you!'

'Love you too!' Lou chimed, puckering up her lips and making a kissy sound before letting go of the button and letting static fill Ralph's ears.

...

AFTER WHAT FELT LIKE AN ETERNITY, Ralph finally made it into the apartment without dropping anything and planted his groceries on the kitchen table, heaving out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. The door was already unlocked because of Lou and her spare key, and her undeniable apartment hopping. Her shoes had marked up the wooden floor in the exact way he had taught her to avoid, and he groaned.

Too exhausted to track her down, at least right now, Ralph began to restock the fridge and cabinets with the series of items he had bought, humming the tune to a song he had heard in the street while he did so.

'Ohhh, thunder only happens when its raining— Shit, sorry.' Halfway through his concert, Ralph had taken a sharp turn and knocked over a bottle of ketchup. He looked around, just in case anyone had witnessed the embarrassing act of him apologizing to a goddamn ketchup bottle, but was relieved when it was just him and crouched down to pick it up.

That was when he noticed something weird.

Alongside Lou's footmarks, there was another pair.

Bossy Joel Miller's pair.

He would've been fine if they were just in the kitchen. Maybe he was just speaking to Lou for a moment and then left to go out on his job. But they didn't stop there. They continued down the hallway and turned towards his bedroom door before disappearing. Bottle of ketchup still in hand, Ralph followed the footsteps down the corridor and reached out for the door handle.

Imagine his surprise when the door swung wide open.

He stood there for a moment, jaw dropped in shock at his own stupidity, at the self-sabotage he had just set himself up for. He didn't even step inside. He could already see the scuffs on the carpet from people moving inside of the room previously. He also saw the way the carpet darkened, like a big object had been dragged out on into the middle of the room and was there for a pretty long time.

Ralph turned on his heel.

He walked out of his apartment, swapping his ketchup for Joel's carton of milk, and threw the man's door open, barging into the living room and waking him up from where he slept on the couch.

Strangely enough, Ralph didn't stay anything. He simply stood in front of the door, holding his milk up like it was a weapon of sorts. Joel blinked a couple times, rubbing a hand over his eyes and kicking himself to sit upright. It was times like these when not giving a fuck about people didn't come in handy. Joel was using his half-asleep brain to try and decode whether this guy was here to kill him or was about to break down crying in the middle of his home.

Ralph looked away from the man on the couch to tilt his head down the corridor, changing the topic swiftly. Through a clenched jaw, he managed to choke out. 'Where's Lou?'

'Uhm, bathroom. Thanks for the, uh...' He pointed at the carton in Ralph's hand with a tight-lipped smile. Ralph wasn't buying it. He stared at Joel like he was trying to see through him, and then took a sharp turn to his left to open the fridge and make way for the milk he had brought with him.

The sound of the tap running in the bathroom was the only sound in the silence. It was like a game of Russian roulette to see who would bring it up first. Every little sound and exhale and inhale felt a billion times louder as Joel stared daggers into the back of the man's head and the man just began to look through the fridge.

The tension was thick between the three of them.

It was broken, the silence and the tension, when Ralph closed the fridge, turned right, and saw something he probably shouldn't have.

He barely had time to acknowledge the brunette girl behind the door before she was charging at him, yelling, and raising a knife over her head.

'Ellie, no!' Joel shouted far too late, hopping up from the couch and running over to try and catch her before she brought her arms down and got herself into even more trouble.

Luckily for Joel, Ralph had already seen it coming. He reached up and held her wrists, stopping the knife from splitting his forehead open, and punched Ellie straight in the throat. She fell back, sprawling across the tile and choking on nothingness, her knife rattling on the floor as it slid away from her.

It fell silent, apart from Ellie coughing continuously, and Joel just sort of stared between them both until Ralph brought his hands up over his mouth.

'Holy shit!' He gasped, finally realizing he had completely punched a child, and he fell to his knees right on the tile next to her. He kept speaking to her quietly, but Joel didn't know if Ellie could even hear him over her own coughing. He had a hand on her back, patting it firmly and apologizing over and over, an expression of pure horror on his face.

Ellie was looking at Ralph now, but not with a look of anger or resentment, with a look of complete confusion. Like she was trying to figure out who he was, put a face to a name, beyond her spluttering and trembling. Ellie almost looked like she had seen him before, but Joel didn't think much of it. There were plenty of familiar faces in the QZ.

Squinting, Joel watched them, silent and unmoving. He could do something. It wasn't like he was traumatized, in a state of shock, or anything, he just didn't really want to. Here was this random Firefly girl that walked all up in his house acting like she owned the place, alongside his neighbor who was, as far as Joel was concerned, some sort of secret government spy or something. He didn't know what Ralph was. He just knew that no ordinary janitor had enough money and cards to fill a whole fucking suitcase compartment.

'What's going on?' Lou asked, appearing at the foot of the hallway suddenly, snapping Joel out of the flashback to earlier, when he had stuck his nose where it hadn't belonged.

'Oh, Ellie just, uhm...' He stammered out, mind going completely blank when he looked down at Ralph. He had no idea why he was acting like this all of a sudden.

'Choked. On a glass of water. She'll be fine, honey, don't worry. I've got her.' Ralph flashed her a smile, looking at Joel to warn him to play along. He got the message and nodded his head a little to let him know of it. Ralph used the hand that he had on Ellie's back to push her upright, shifting around a little to help her.

Joel craned his neck and realized that Ralph hadn't done that for nothing. He had used this new angle to swiftly kick Ellie's switchblade underneath a nearby cabinet before calling Lou over. 'Hey, can you take care of, uhm, Ellie, hon? I think that, um... Me and Joel need to talk.'

What did this sneaky little motherfucker want with Joel?

...

NOTES!
ELLIEEEEEE

the tension hath began
joels knows what ralph's hiding and ralph knows that joel knows but nobody else knows anything. and apparently ellie knows ralph but ralph doesnt seem to know ellie? and now ralph wants to talk to joel because he knows that joel knows that he knows that joel knows????

confusing, but it will all be explained soon enough x

ralph nd lou r so sweet theyre my favs