FERN

Tex fell asleep beside my fire, and I spent an hour debating whether or not to wake him. He had to be exhausted, but sleeping in the open, in October, couldn't be comfortable. I contemplated offering to share the shelter. After all, he'd built it. But it wasn't that large, and I wasn't that brave. What if he said no? Or, even worse, what if he said yes? Would he expect something? Would that mean something? It felt like it would, and that felt like something any normal girl my age should know already.

In the end, I added more wood to the fire and left him. The shelter was the best I'd ever had, and it wasn't even finished yet. It lacked a door, a chimney, and a bit of mud and clay to insulate the walls. All things I wouldn't need until winter hit.

The thought of winter brought a whole barrage of new questions. How long would I stay? Leaving right before the weather turned wouldn't give me enough time to prepare. It would have to be soon; too soon to teach him what he wanted to know.

Would I stay until spring? That was a long time. Then again, it wasn't that long when I thought of how much time I'd spent alone. A few months surrounded by people couldn't hurt. If anything, my mind needed it. It was easy to forget about keeping my brain healthy. I was always so focused on my body, food and water, warmth and medicine. The mind took second fiddle to the immediacy of physical health, but it was just as important. I'd neglected mine for too long.

My time alone had been like living in a cage of trauma. Nightmares and memories and guilt. Today had been a blessing. Today, I'd spent time with someone. I'd enjoyed myself and experienced things I'd never thought I would. The thought of Tex's hand on my side made a zing do figure eights inside my chest. My stomach knotted and clenched, and I couldn't lie, I was curious.

So many things I'd never done. So many firsts stolen from me. First crush. First date. First kiss. I'd given up on having them, but spending a day with Tex had made me crave those things. Just once. I wanted more than painful memories to feed my mind when there was nothing else to occupy it.

But when I woke the next morning, Tex was gone. Someone had added more wood to the fire, and a new shirt lay folded in the spot where he'd been. Atop it was a piece a torn envelope with a man's handwriting sprawled across it.

I have some things to take care of this morning. Here's a new shirt. Get whatever you'd like for breakfast from camp. I'll be offended if you don't.

–Tex

I sat the paper down and picked up the shirt. A deer head and the words I like big bucks filled the center. My lips curved. Had he picked it out? Had he taken his time to find the one he thought I'd like? Probably not, but it was nice to think so.

I removed the coat and slid it over my head, then smiled at it one last time before putting the coat back on. The morning was crisp, the kind of weather that used to make me think of pumpkins and cider. Now, it just made me think of that day. The crunch of the leaves, dry and brown on the ground. Dead. Decayed. Everything died in the fall. Everything. Everyone.

Usually, I'd check my snares first thing. I grabbed my pack and contemplated setting some, but the thought of killing a talking rabbit made me put it off. I'd have to ask Tex about it first. Considering he'd offered breakfast, I wasn't too concerned. I walked to the garden, grabbed Julia's pale and an empty bucket she had close by, and filled them with water.

It felt good, doing something for someone else. I'd completed a task and someone would notice. It would make her happy. I thought of Mama: how I used to do little things for her, set up the bread dough, weed the garden, make the coffee or brew the tea. It had always made her gush, so relieved was she to have an extra bit of her massive workload taken away.

My stomach growled as I ran through all the things I'd remembered seeing in the storage shed. Beef stew? A stew sounded amazing. Or, maybe, a can of chili...with crackers. My mouth watered, and my pace increased.

I'd cut between the first two tents when I noticed Tex sat at the same table he'd been the day before. Something in his expression made me pause. He looked different. Angry. Scary even. The entire day I'd spent with him, he'd never looked that way, not even after I'd shot him. His men surrounded him, but the one directly across had his full attention.

I ducked back a step. From my position, I had a clear view of Tex's face and a hint of the other man's profile. A scar traveled the length of his cheek and curved along his jaw. He laughed, a harsh sound, then slapped the arm of the man to his left. "Look at him!" he said. "Look how mad he's gettin'."

Tex was stone still and silent.

"What?" His voice lifted. "Ah hell! C'mon, Tex. It's just a fucking joke. See? This is what I'm talking about!"

Tex pulled a cigar from his shirt pocket and stuck it between his teeth. His eyes narrowed as he lit it and took a long drag. "Be careful what you say to me, Reggie. I already told you. She knows things I want to know." Another long pull from the cigar, then smoke rolled toward Reggie's face. "She's agreed to teach me. You do something to fuck that up, and you're fucking with our resources." His voice lifted. "Since we all know Reggie here likes to fuck shit up—"

A few of the men laughed.

Reggie snorted. "You're so full of shit! Teaching?" He looked around at the group, and I saw it, the moment his eyes latched onto me. For a brief moment, he held my gaze, smile lascivious, then he turned away as if he hadn't noticed me at all. "I know what your ass wants to learn. I don't blame you. Hell!" He nudged the man beside him. "Maybe she can come teach me, too."

Tex's jaw twitched. He took another long drag, and the sensation that settled over me was like smelling a storm under a clear blue sky. But the sky wasn't clear. He wasn't the clear, teasing, smiling man I'd met the day before.

Everything happened so fast. The sky darkened. A twister touched down. Tex flipped the table to the side. Bottles catapulted as papers flew up, caught in the whirlwind he'd created. They hadn't even touched the ground before Tex had Reggie by the throat. "How's this for soft?" He buried the cigar into his cheek.

I gasped and threw a hand over my mouth to keep from crying out.

Reggie cursed and punched Tex in the stomach. The pair collided with the ground. Arms, legs, dust, and blood became one as they each fought for the upper hand. Tex gained it. He sat on Reggie's chest, panting from the effort. "Do I seem soft to you, Reggie?" He drew back a fist and threw it hard into Reggie's jaw.

Reggie gripped Tex's arms and fought to turn his body, but Tex had him locked.

"Didn't I warn you about the girl?" Tex lifted him up and head butted him, so hard I heard a crack.

A cheer rang out. Two small children had worked their way close and were hooting like gamblers at a boxing match. What kind of a place was this? What kind of people had I found?

I wasn't sure whether or not to intervene. Blood once again rushed down Tex's arm, but this wasn't the same man I'd shot. This man would have killed me for such an offense, and I wasn't sure what would happen if I approached him now.

Thankfully, I didn't have to.

Julia rushed past with a belt in her hand. "You stupid, pig headed," she ranted as she swung the leather like a club, over and over again with no thought about where the blows would land.

The men broke apart, too focused on protecting themselves to keep beating each other. When they made it away, Julia stopped and put her fists on her hips. "You stupid sons of bitches! You want to act like little boys, I'll treat you like little boys!" She held the belt out in front of her and shook it. "Who wants to try me?"

"Sorry, ma'am," Reggie muttered.

Tex sneered at him.

I sucked in a breath and tried to calm my thundering heart. It was as if he'd become a different person, and I realized, perhaps this was him. I didn't know this man. I'd only met him the day before. He'd burned someone in the face, all because of something they'd said.

I ducked back another step, determined to keep some space. I needed time to process. From the sound of things, they'd been discussing me. It was my presence that had started it, and I didn't think it was a good idea to come around at the moment, or perhaps ever.

But no sooner did I step back, Tex's dark gaze landed on me and widened. He jumped to his feet and extended a hand, and I did the only thing my mind could think to do.

I ran.