Title: Ten Confessions of a Serial Killer
By: @MacroMill
Genre: Mystery
Rating: 3.4/5

REVIEW:

Let's start with the cover which needs improvement with the font. The photograph seems pretty intriguing and suits with Louis but I think Louis is younger than the man in the photograph.

Description:

The description pretty much describes the title but when I dived into the story, it didn't quite seem like it. Maybe the plot has yet to move forth because honestly, the description played fair to the story for only couple of beginning of chapters.

Character development:

The main character needs so much development.

There are so many things that needs to be explained like age. Like I know he is a police officer but I would still like to know his age so that I can imagine him better. Describing his looks is also important. Like ... TOO MUCH!

If not  everything but you can at least describe his features that might make him stand out. Like how he is too lean and thin or his bald head or residing hairline etc. These are the features that help the reader picture the character better.

Next, about his personality. In the description and in the title, he is explained as a serial killer and how he killed Ben, seemed like he is a psychopath but in the next chapters, he seems completely normal—engaging with others, getting scared with alone the name of death, being friends with the nurse, trembling in fear.

I mean maybe he is not a complete psycho but even if he starting to become one, he should be feared of the deed he just performed. Like how he killed Ben or at least you should show us why does he want to take justice in his own hands? Did he lose his family to injustice? Did he himself suffered from injustice? Why? There must be a reason, even just a small one, there is always a reason and you should show us what it is.

And then, comes his over-all personality. Leaving the psycho one out. How is he as a person? Is he kind? What pulls his nerve? What triggers his anger? What makes him cry? Is he a strong one? From crying, it reminds me that why does he cry so much and why does he trembles in fear? He is a police officer, he should be strong enough to bear the toughest of news.

Also, take us in his head ofttimes. I want to know how he thinks and plans things. Just a line or two is not enough. He is a character full of mystery and readers love to roam the minds of such people.

Next is his family. Like I mentioned above, I am curious to know what made him like this and where is his family? These are the bits of details you should add in the beginning chapters. Pending them is not really a good idea. It makes the readers impatient and they eventually stop reading because they don't feel relatable. You are ought to connect the readers with the character with anything. It can be the smallest of things like how the character is afraid of spiders to the biggest of things like how character is so protective of his\her friends or family.

You should add these things because they allow the readers to continue reading and not bore them out of their minds.

Plot:

Your plot is interesting and is new to me. But I think it can have some work.

Starting with your very first chapter. I think you should name it PROLOGUE instead of just "Sixth Confession of a Serial Killer" because if you do, it seems like every chapter would be just a confession of him and not a story and it does gives off a feeling of a prologue.

Also, make sure that your characters have a backstory other than their crimes. Each human being is important because the word "human" is used for them and you should give them life. Don't just tell us their bad side and then have them dead in a blink. In this way, your characters are nothing and readers won't feel anything for them and no feelings means no interest.

Tell us (as an example) that someone stole something because they wanted to feed their family. In this way, you would have readers claiming how he still did wrong or how he still commited a crime. Don't just make us hate them, makes us feel sad and angry and happy for them. Take us on a rollercoaster of emotions. This is how your story would be able to connect the readers at a larger concept.

Grammar:

Your grammar is a really big turn off for Grammar Nazis and even for those who have a little know-how of English.

I'd suggest you to edit your chapters as you post them. I don't know why but I feel like you know English you just don't edit the chapters right.

One thing I would like to pinpoint is your use of to, two and too. You use the same "too" everywhere which is really irritating.

—This is the basic definition of "to", as used as a preposition:

"expressing motion in the direction of (a particular location)."
Example: Walking down to the shops"

"Approaching or reaching (a particular condition)."
Example: Christopher's expression changed from amazement to joy.

—This is the basic definition of "too":

"Used as a higher degree than is desirable, permissible or possible."
Example: He ran too fast.

"Used as an addition."
Example: Is he swimming too?

"Used when adding a further point; moreover."
Example: She is a grown women and a strong one too.

Basic definition of "two":

"Equivalent to the sum of one and one; less than three."
Example: Two months passed.

This is the major problem I noticed being repeated again and again in your punctuation. But it still needs work. Try to learn the difference between commas and periods.

One more thing I would like to discuss is the repetition of the names. This is a dialogue between Ben and Lou, in your chapter "Make it Right Lou":

"Ben what happened to you? This isn' you' Ben. I know you Ben."

Like, we get it he is talking to Ben. There's no need to use his name Thrice. No one does.

And not in just dialogues, make sure that you, while describing, don't use names so many times. Using pronouns isn't difficult and if you don't usually use them because readers won't understand, then don't worry, we all are pretty intelligent. We know what is happening.

Also, I don't why have you written two whole chapters in bold? What's the purpose behind it?

You can use italics for expressing thoughts but I won't suggest you to use them for actions too unless it is a past memory.

Quality:

Like I said before, your chapters need much improvement. If you can't edit the whole book, then at least thoroughly reread your chapters before posting them. It will help you lessen your burden when you'd sit to edit your first draft.

Overall, your book needs much work and it has a long way to go. But don't worry, keep on writing. First drafts always need much work. I hope as the plot would advance, your story would be more interesting.

—————
huz