Hello inspired2296!! These are my thoughts about your book.

First impressions:

Title: I like the title, however, it kind of gives romance vibes more than mystery but it's attractive because of the "Light" part.

Rating: 5/10

Cover: The cover has nothing to do with the story so far, the cover is so romantic, no mystery or fantasy vibes there.

Rating: 2/10

Summary: I really like it actually, it's pretty interesting so well done with that.

Rating: 10/10

Technical Issues:

Grammar: You have many grammar mistakes

Examples:

"I wrapped my arms tighter around me"--> "Wrapped my arms tight around me" because she didn't wrap tight to get tighter

"Hence, I am walking through"---> "Hence, walking through"

"The same feeling"---> "The feeling" I just met the character, I don't know that she feels lonely every time.

"Throughout the desolate street"---> "desolated"

"That was my illusion"--> "it was an illusion"

"Surrounding protectively is injured"--> "was injured"

"Tears blind me"--> "Blinded"

"Pounds of heavy body"--> "pounds of weight"

"Went to gym"--> "the gym"

"Confirmed me that"--> "Confirmed that"

"I quicken my pace"--> "Quickened"

"Running fast" could be changed to "Speed"

"While I am standing motionless"--> "As I stood or while I stood motionless"

"I turn..open..blink..close.. and blink"---> Turned, Opened, blinked, closed, and blinked again

"A muscular wall is blocking"--> "Was blocking"

"See a man who came for my rescue"--> "saw a man"

"How is this possible"---> "How is that possible"

"Come here"--> "Run here"

"Why the dogs are not barking"--> "Why aren't the dogs barking"

"I stepped aside from his back"--> you could say "I stepped a bit to the side to get a clear vision"

"And they were having an awkward.."--> "And we're having.."

"I don't understand why.."--> "I didn't understand"

"And staring at him"--> "but staring at him"

"If I say someone about this"--> "Who would believe me if I told them about this incident"

"Came a smooth velvety voice"--> "said a smooth velvety voice"

"Met with the two beautiful baby blue"---> "Met with two beautiful.."

"Broke my imagination"--> "Interrupted"

"How did you reached"--> "Reach"

"How will you feel"--> "How would you feel"

"That's exactly my same reply"--> "The same reply"

"As usual"--> "As you usually do" (makes it sound more creepy)

"The crushing of leaves sound made me.."--> "The sound of leaves being crushed behind me alerted me or warned me..."

"Turning around I am shocked"--> "Turning around, I was shocked.."

"Looked at me with disgust"---> "Looked at me in disgust"

"Inner self of remaining strong"--> "To remain or trying to remain strong"

"I can't risk of showing"---> "Cant risk showing"

"I'm not ruthless and cruel"--> "Or cruel"

"To even think to punish my parents"---> "think of punishing my parents"

"No witness was present"--> "No witnesses were present"

"I can't go back to sleep"--> "I couldn't go back to sleep"

"Every time I try going back to sleep"--> just write "every time I try, I get a nagging sensation" so you don't say the same thing in the same sentence twice

"To go for office"--> "To go to the office"

"The road is surrounded by"--> "was surrounded..."

"It was soon broken by the loud screeching"--> "but was soon interrupted by a loud screeching"

"Approaching in the distant"--> "distance"

"And seconds later.."--> Remove the "and" and start the sentence with seconds later

"Why can't my day go as a normal day"--> "why can't my day go normally"

"I searched my memory"--> "memories"

"Memories of nightmare"--> "of the nightmare"

"my heart is hammering inside my chest"--> "was hammering"

"I feel so sick"--> "felt"

"My vision starts to fade"--> "started"

Rating: 4/10

Spelling: There were some mistakes as well

Examples:

"Come here so first"--> "Fast"

"They ran away"--> "Then ran away"

"Lean fighure"---> "Figure"

Rating: 7/10

Punctuation: You have some punctuation issues that I screenshotted instead of wrote.

Make a comma before "but" this seems to be one of your repeated mistakes.

-"Great, what a day..."

-I prefer not using a lot of exclamation marks, use just one but explain and show her feelings instead.

-"To my luck,...."

"Forget we met today, just remember....."

You forgot the space between "answer" and the quotation marks.

Rating: 5/10

More technical issues:

🌟You use "As" a lot, sometimes I felt like I'm reading an English essay.

"As you have done nothing" "As I have the proof" "As compared to humans"

🌟Another problem:

You could use parallelism here which might make it sound better. "The pounding noise of my white sneakers against the asphalt matched my heart throbbing inside my chest with intense fear, as I ran"

The Heart of the book:

Characters: I don't really know anything about the character? Like everything is mysterious which might be good for a mystery but I need to know at least her habits, her life so if anything changes I'd notice, Mystery is about the details.

Rating: 6/10

Conflict: I liked her internal conflict when it came to her parents cause it showed something mysterious happening.

Rating: 6/10

Pace: Its a pretty normal pace which is fine

Rating: 10/10

Emotions: Emotions to me are very important when it comes to mysteries. I didn't feel like I root for her, I felt like she's rude and weird. I didn't see her emotions except after the nightmare and they weren't that good. Even when she received the note, her emotions were fake, I didn't feel like I felt anything towards her.

Rating: 6/10

Chapter Endings: Honestly, while I was reading the endings were missing. I expected you to end it on a certain note but they ended on a really different one, a more disappointing one.

Examples:

In my opinion, you didn't need the rest of the sentence, you needed to stop at "darkness"

Again, in my opinion, you should've ended it with the words on the paper, not this way. You need the ending to hook the reader, yes this was a hook but the words in the paper were stronger.

Also one of the chapters, you should've started with the dream, then her waking up not the other way around. Most of the people don't really remember their dreams.

Rating: 7/10

Logic: Illogic was a major thing in the story, not in a good way.

Examples:

When did she open the package? Did she see threw it? Was it opened?

You already said she woke up at the beginning of the chapter.

Why is she so aggressive with a guy that just saved her? She has no right to know anything really..

I don't think that when someone kicks a rock in front of a bunch of wolves "Oops" would be the first thing they have in mind.

When you see a note on the door, the first thing you would think is a prank. Not that someone is watching you then after that you think it's a prank. It should be the other way around.

Rating: 5/10

Suggestions/Compliments:

-I think you should change the cover into a more mysterious one, as well as the title.

-I also think you should stop using "as" in all the sentences.

-Focus on the punctuation.

-Download "Grammarly" to correct the grammar and punctuation mistakes, yes sometimes the app makes mistakes but it will help.

-Focus on making the story mysterious, but logical.

-Pick your chapter endings well, because they determine whether or not the reader would like to finish it.

-Show more of the character, more of her emotions, more senses, flashbacks of like childhood memories, if it helps.