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Book Title: Wanderlust

Book Genre: Teen Fiction

Date of Critique: March 15, 2016

Chapter(s) Critiqued: 1 & 2

Approximate Chapter Length: 1600 & 2800

Content Flags: None

Summary (copied from book description)

"If given the chance, would you settle for the ordinary, the path more commonly traveled - or would you take a risk with the little time you have left, embrace life with wild abandon and never look back?"

A boring, humdrum kind of life is what Coraline Valschmidt has come to expect; nothing out of the ordinary, nothing doing. It's only when she finally makes the decision she's waited all of her life for that it all changes: she leaves home for the summer, and doesn't look back.

Life on the road is anything but predictable, anything but safe - but with her newfound companion, Flick, at her side, Cora is ready for anything. She'll never look at the world the same way again, or even herself. Will the risks she takes on be worth her while, though? Or will they cause more harm than good?

Maybe, in the end, it's worth the danger and uncertainty to find what's missing.

Chapter Summary

Cora sneaks out of the house in chapter one, leaving a note for her twin brother to explain her absence. She's going on a bit of a vacation and hopes that it will help with the tight finances they've been experiencing if her brother doesn't have to carry her weight for a while. She hitches a ride with a city guy who gets a kick out of abandoning her on the side of the highway and speeding off. After a few hours of walking, she happens upon a diner and decides to go inside for some food and, if she's lucky, to find someone who isn't a trucker and doesn't smoke who can give her a ride.

In chapter two, Cora is people-watching in the diner when she notices a slightly surly young man eating alone. On a whim, she gets up to join him. He doesn't seem particularly thrilled with her sudden appearance, but he introduces himself. When he goes to leave, Cora realizes he could be her ride out of here. She follows him out to his car and begs a ride off him, and he reluctantly agrees to take her as far as Chicago.

Critique

Each story attribute is rated from 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest quality. I have endeavored to be as objective as possible, but writing is a subjective art, so of course my own predispositions will creep in somewhat.

Mechanics (grammar, spelling, etc.): 10

Outside of tense issues, which fit more accurately in the writing style section, I didn't notice any real errors. There were some formatting things that could be changed to fit the standard better, like use of dashes, but nothing that detracts from the writing.

Writing Style (word choice, sentence flow, etc.): 9

As I mentioned above, there were some tense issues. This was the only real thing that stuck out to me about the author's writing style, and the author's note admits to unfamiliarity with present tense.

Example:

Silent as a shadow, Cora sneaks through the quiet hallways of her home, an overstuffed backpack slung over her shoulder and a single sheet of paper clutched in her hands. She'd stayed up all night writing the simple note, kept awake by nerves and the lingering fear that accompanied her impromptu decision. She couldn't stay in this stifling house for even a second longer, not as the days ticked away from her, counting off the time she has left. It would be too late for her if she just waited for something to happen. She has to go - now. (Chapter 1)

Present tense always gets tricky when you're recalling to things that already happened. Conditional tense in particular tends to make a mess of things. This is the second paragraph of the story, so it's really important to get it right. Here's a potential revision:

Silent as a shadow, Cora sneaks through the quiet hallways of her home, an overstuffed backpack slung over her shoulder and a single sheet of paper clutched in her hands. She stayed up all night writing the simple note, kept awake by nerves and the lingering fear that accompanied her impromptu decision. She can't bear to stay in this stifling house for even a second longer, not as the days tick away from her, counting off the time she has left. It would be too late for her if she just waited for something to happen. She has to go - now.

Very minor changes! Technically the 'can't bear to stay' bit could remain as 'couldn't stay' since it's theoretically referencing how she felt that night, but this is an option.

A bit further in we have several offending paragraphs:

Shaking off the urge to hug him one last time - an act which would definitely wake him up and ruin her plans - she steps just past the doorframe, placing her note atop his bedside table, right next to his glasses. She'd unconsciously folded it into a little square while she'd watched him, and now it sat innocently where she knew he'd find it. He didn't normally wake up too early, so it would give her plenty of time to be on her way beforehand.

Again, guilt rises at the thought, choking her up - but she pushes it away, refusing to let it override her decision before she had a chance to carry it out.

As she finally turns away, casting one last glance back at his prone form, she makes a mental note to call him very soon. It scared her to think of how worried he would be, and how lonely it would be for him on his own. Hell, she would feel the impending solitude as soon as she walked out the door. For his sake, and her own, she would maintain constant contact, she decides. Her intention wasn't to leave forever, after all. (Chapter 1)

Adjusting the tense, we get:

Shaking off the urge to hug him one last time - an act which would definitely wake him up and ruin her plans - she steps just past the doorframe, placing her note atop his bedside table, right next to his glasses. She'd unconsciously folded it into a little square while she watched him, and now it sits innocently where she knows he'll find it. He doesn't normally wake up too early, so she has plenty of time to be on her way beforehand.

Again, guilt rises at the thought, choking her up - but she pushes it away, refusing to let it override her decision before she has a chance to carry it out.

As she finally turns away, casting one last glance back at his prone form, she makes a mental note to call him very soon. It scares her to think of how worried he will be, and how lonely it will be for him on his own. Hell, she knows the impending solitude will hit her as soon as she walks out the door. For his sake, and her own, she will maintain constant contact, she decides. Her intention isn't to leave forever, after all.

As I mentioned, conditional verbs get tricky in present tense. You only use would/could for what if scenarios then; you use will/can for things that are definite. At this point in the story, Cora is definitely leaving, so she's predicting how her brother will feel, not how he would feel if she left.

Characterization (voice, description, presence, etc.): 8

I'd like more about Cora's motivations for leaving, as I felt the author only skimmed the surface in these first two chapters. I also felt that the guy abandoning Cora on the side of the highway wasn't very solid. Granted, there are weirdos out there, but of all the cruel things a person could do, this one seems especially odd. It could put Cora in very real danger of dehydrating or otherwise coming to harm even if you don't consider that someone with more foul intentions could pick her up, so it's not a passive act or a prank to abandon her that way. The effort it would take to pick her up, then trick her out of the car in the middle of nowhere seems unlikely.

That's not to say there can't be a valid reason for him to suddenly ditch her. She could say something that dredges up bad memories for him or something. I just felt his motivation for abandoning her was weak and reeked of authorial convenience.

Outside of those, I thought the characterization was quite nice. Cora's interaction with Flick at the bar does some subtle character-building for both of them. It's nice to see that Flick has layers—surly, but not totally unapproachable. And Cora's people-watching, aversion to truckers, and extreme distaste for smoking are all good quirks to help her stand out.

Setting/Worldbuilding (description, clarity, etc.): 8.5

The author doesn't overdo setting details. We could perhaps stand to see a couple more on the highway or leaving Cora's house, but we aren't left without any feel for the setting. We have the mountains in the distance, for one thing. And the description of the diner Cora stumbles on is well done.

A couple of things stood out to me that could be improved or corrected. For one thing, Cora shivers from the unusual chill as she's walking along the highway on a June day. Granted, it is noted as unusual, but it still doesn't seem realistic for Montana in June. I looked up the averages for the month, none of them seem to drop low enough during the day for a girl who's walking to feel a chill. If she was standing in the shade, maybe, but she's engaged in physical activity.

Another thing was Cora's recognition of Flick's jacket as being for a car company, but not knowing which one it's for. That implies it's just a logo. But if it's just the logo, and she doesn't recognize it, how does she know it's a car company? The Cadillac logo isn't especially typical for a car company, either. In the context of the scene, it seemed unlikely that she should realize the jacket was for a car company.

Those are relatively minor in the scheme of things, though!

Hook/Plot (sense of conflict, pacing, etc.): 7

There is the built-in mystery of what could happen to Cora on her adventure, but I felt that the skimming treatment of Cora's motivation for leaving impacted the urgency of the plot. I think that including the catalyst that actually gave Cora the need to leave—the tipping point—would really help.

Synthesis

Based on the first two chapters of Wanderlust, it's a solid work. There are some tweaks that could be made to improve it, but nothing major. Aside from a few minor setting details, the only things that stand out as needing some work are the use of present tense and fleshing out the main character's motivation for starting her journey.