leoconstellwriter

First Impression: nice cover!

I don't usually read Fantasy, but I have to admit, this story is very well written. You have very detailed descriptions and vivid imagery, which makes the story very enjoyable. I also love how you have an interesting start, and the story progresses at a nice pace. I can see their personalities and I like how it stays consistent, showing that your character are very well rounded. I also like how you write in the point of view of all the characters, so we can see how they feel and what they are thinking on the inside. The relationship between Anika and Kylon develops gradually, which I found really nice. You're also amazing at conveying emotions, especially during the conversation they had together, talking about their families. I'm surprised you don't have more reads, because this is really well written. The only adjustments I would suggest is some editing in the first few chapters. There are spelling and verb tense errors, but those seemed to disappear as I read on. One example in Chapter 1 was "Stealsan, Reigen, head for the eastern lands, Aerotora, were your ancestors..." To fix this, replace "were" with "where." Also, the sentence "Please heed my words and ones you reach your destinations, do as I had said." Replace "ones" with "once," because I assume that is what you are trying to say. To keep the same verb tense, change "had said" to "say." I also keep thinking that Anika and Kylon are teenagers, or maybe around 17 or 18 because of the way they act. Their constant bickering also reminds me of teenagers, not 20, 21 year olds. If I were writing this story, I would probably change their ages to around 17 or 18, just so it fits with their character a little more, but that's just my opinion. I do have one question: Are there supposed to be more Destineds? Do they appear later in the story? 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be. If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

Payment: read one of my books (Accepted) 

- bluecrayonlady