Iriisa

First Impression: cool cover!

I really like the plot of this story; it's very original and creative. I was interested when I was reading the summary. You have a really memorable start, and leaves a lasting impression on the reader. You introduce the conflict immediately. I also like how the first chapter is short, but it conveys the message. You have very elaborate descriptions that allow me to imagine everything in my head, and I love how action filled this story is. I really enjoyed it, and I'm looking forward to more. There are some grammatical and spelling errors, but those can be fixed easily. I found one in one of your chapters when it says, "but soon the sense of dread that filled me push me to sprint." To edit this, replace "push" with "pushed" to keep the same past tense. I also would love to see more background information on why she is so interested in Fremont. Are they the ones that are after her? 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be. If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

If you are feeling nice, I would greatly appreciate it if you give one of my stories a read, follow me, or give me a shoutout! If you enjoy making art, I would love for you to make art for one of my stories, and I will post it!

- bluecrayonlady