AllAmericanNerd

First Impression: It's amazing that you completed two books of a series!

I really like how you continue the series, even if the first book could've stood alone. Again, watch for your verb tense and grammar, and give us the age of Mary and Emma. How old is Caleb? If Caleb dated Penelope, isn't he too old for Mary? It's very confusing. Also, in one of the chapters, how can Mary get a text from her mom on her phone if her mom took her phone away? There seems to be a lot of rambling in some of the parts, and I get bored reading it. There's not much physical description, so I don't really know what each character looks like. Also, wouldn't she be very traumatized by the incident with Dylan? She seems perfectly fine afterwards, only crying for a few days, and then she returns back to normal. There are many instances where things aren't very realistic. The part with the party, I felt that it was a little too messy. Things were happening all over the place, and I would suggest to organize your thoughts in that section. Go one by one, so we can follow along. 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

Payment: (art) complete

- bluecrayonlady