AllAmericanNerd

First Impression: congrats on completing the book!

This is really well written, and I love the cover! I like how the summary is short, and you have a great start. Also, we see Penelope's personality really clearly when she decides to cut in front of Caleb to get him to talk to her. There's a bit of humor in it, which made me laugh. 

Moving on to improvements: the first sentence of the first chapter sounds like the main character is saying "Oh Miss Penelope," because of the way it is structured. I suggest to change it because I had to read it a couple times before I realized that it was their maid who was talking. Also, make sure to watch for your verb tense because you tend to switch from present to past a lot, and it makes the story hard to read. For example, the sentence "I turn to see it was my younger sister, Emma." First, replace "turn" with "turned" because you use "was." The other option would be to delete "it was," but then you would have to make sure to write it present the rest of the time. Make sure to stay in the same tense for the next sentence as well. If you are staying with past tense, the sentence "She looks cute in her uniform and she's wearing..." should be changed to "She looked cute in her uniform and she was wearing..." My main concern is that we don't really get the age of the characters. The whole time I was reading, I didn't have any idea how old Emma was. I made the inference that Penelope was at least a junior because she can drive, but we don't get any idea on how old Emma is. Sometimes Emma acts like Penelope's little sister, sometimes she acts like the same age, and I got really confused. I would also love to see more physical descriptions or what they look like, so I can really picture an image in my head. In Chapter 4, why was she driving after she drank some alcohol? Also, the word "principal" is what you should use when talking about the principal of a school, not the word "principle." There are just some general edits you need to change for run on sentences, spelling and grammar. Also, you tend to say the phrase "buy me some." This should be "buy some for myself." Overall, it's a great story, I enjoyed it very much. 

Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)

Payment: art (completed) 

- bluecrayonlady